! Chicks Dig Jerks source code ! Robb Sherwin < beaver@zombieworld.com > ! I wanted to throw this into the archive mostly to have the "construct an dynamic NPC" code ! on display for anyone who wants it. The bulk of my work on this game was getting that ! scene right, and I suppose it showed at the end. This is the post-comp version, where ! a number of bugs were fixed. The only one that I currently know of is the "TALK TO ALL" ! bug, where the interpreter will flip out instead of state that you can't use multiple ! objects with "talk". It's something I've fixed for future Inform games that I do, but ! I've not implemented the fix here for the sake of accurate historical record. Er, yeah. ! Chicks Dig Jerks is freeware. I'd, of course, like to know if someone decides to put it ! on a compliation CD or whatever, to ensure that the correct version is included. Please ! do not use the source code to make your own sequels or anything. Not that I think I've ! written M.U.L.E. or anything, but I'm taking care of that department myself. ! I should note that a lot of bad language is used in the source code, mostly by different ! characters. Hopefully, everyone understands that there is a difference between the way ! a writer comports him/her self and the way the characters he/she writes about act. ! Avandre, at this stage of his life, is a jerk. Eventually I hope that players of this ! series find out why and how he became that way. But I thought that it would be easier ! to accept his growth if you see him at his lowest point first, than the other way ! around. At any rate, if you think you might be offended by the bad words, you would ! probably be happier scanning the source from one of another Inform games available through ! anonymous ftp at ftp://ftp.gmd.de/if-archive/games/source/inform . ! I recently found out that it costs $100 to have the ESRB rate your game. So while I listed ! the rating it would have received, one should never, ever mention them without giving them ! money. Constant Story "Chicks Dig Jerks"; Constant Headline "^Interactive Fiction ^Copyright (c) 1999 Robb Sherwin ^Standard Level ^Mature Content as rated by ESRB (Strong language and adult situations) ^(First time players of this game should type ~ABOUT~)^"; Replace Domenu; Replace Lowkey_menu; Replace DrawStatusLine; Include "Chixlib.h"; Release 2; attribute legible; attribute guardwhole; Include "Parser"; Include "Infotake.h"; Include "scantgo.h"; Include "dunno.h"; Include "utility"; Include "domenu"; Include "Altmenu"; Include "Hints"; ! This number should be greater than the number of speeches in the game divided by eight. Array qflag -> 40; ! Characters ! Avandre Varick -- the player ! Daniel Keegan -- the player's partner and author's voice ! Brian Pang -- muscular side character at bar and break room ! Chet Criswell -- burner kid at break room ! Shayne McGrew -- short piece of trash that kills Keegan ! Melvin Hoss -- the little buddy ! "Blur" Keegan -- Keegan's little brother ! This is the list of important characters in the game. There were only nine ! different chix to talk to -- I originally wanted like twenty. I scaled it so ! that Avandre only needs two phone numbers to advance the game. A word about ! the "labels" -- they were mainly used to demonstrate a particular personality ! trait that I kept in the back of my mind while writing dialogue. As I couldn't ! count on physical appearance in any of the descriptions -- as they changed -- ! I needed personality as an anchor. I'm not saying that there are nine different types ! of girls in this world. I guess I am saying that you are likely to meet these nine types ! of girls on any given night in Fort Collins. Anyway. ! 0 -- First Keegan ! 1 -- First Pang ! 2 -- Shayne McGrew -- Midget aggressor ! 3 -- Melvin Hoss -- The taller buddy ! 4 -- The girl that Avandre takes home ! 5 -- Girl: frosty ! 6 -- Girl: horny ! 7 -- Girl: confused ! 8 -- Girl: bitch ! 9 -- Girl: brain !10 -- Girl: milf !11 -- Girl: friendly !12 -- Girl: amused !13 -- Girl: easy !14 -- Criswell !15 -- Second Midget aggressor !16 -- Chick mad scientist !17 -- Bartender !18 -- Casey -- goth chick !19 -- Holly -- the milf that comes onto Van through page ! This is the how many speeches each character has, sorted by that character's number. ! Remember, first character is 0 Array quips -> 20 4 4 1 0 10 15 4 8 12 12 13 12 13 8 0 8 4 12 4; ! This doesn't actually allow for a hyphen to be printed. I made a joke of it in the ! game's text, but that was just to cover up the fact that I couldn't figure it out. CONSTANT MAX_PHONE_LENGTH = 30; Array dialled_number string MAX_PHONE_LENGTH; [ PhoneNumber f a l ch pp i; pp=1; if (NextWordStopped()==-1) return 0; do { a=WordAddress(wn-1); l=WordLength(wn-1); for (i=0:ii; if (ch<'0' && ch>'9') { if (ch~='-') {f=1; if (i~=0) return -1;} } else { if (pp(pp++)=ch-'0'; } } } until (f==1 || NextWordStopped()==-1); if (pp==1) return -1; dialled_number->0 = pp-1; return 0; ]; ! Not to pull a Romero or anything, but originally I wanted hitpoint-laden ! combat. Something for Magic Jar, no doubt. Also, young programmers ! should use an array for all this stuff, not global variables. I have learned ! my lesson. It makes for more readable code to use globals, but with an array ! I save time not forgetting the friggin' var names I used. ! In case health is used later in the game !Global Health = 50; ! After three chicks are talked to, the game will continue past the first board Global Chixtalked = 0; ! This stops the player from wandering about the first board at the beginning Global Moves = 0; ! This informs the quipping routines as to which quip was chosen Global selected = 0; !This stops Inform's "random" messages from appearing twice in a row Global lastr = 0; !This stops the exit-bar message from appearing twice in a row Global lasts = 0; !This is a counter for the confused chick Global lastt = 0; !This stops the same chick personality from coming up twice in a row Global lastgirl = 0; !This tells Avandre to go to the bathroom Global bladderfull = 0; !This is an indicator as to what the hell happened the night before Global NightEvent = 0; ! 0 -- initial, has no game use ! 1 -- Urinated on the bar ! 2 -- Attacked Shayne immediately ! 3 -- Had Pang attack Shayne ! 4 -- Talked to Shayne, then attacked him !This is used for the pager to determine whether or not Avandre has looked at it Global lookedpager = 0; !This is to ever stop the Holly thing from happening twice in one game Global hollypaged = 0; !This is used to determine which page you are on for the pager Global currentpage = 0; !This is used for the hollow husk if Avandre goes home with a girl Global husk = 0; !This is used to destroy the chix correctly Global lastchix = 0; !This is used to make a new Pang Global lastpang = 0; !This is used to make a new Shayne Global lastshayne = 0; !This is used to make a new Criswell Global lastcriswell = 0; !This is used to make a new Lien Global lastlien = 0; ! Allows the kiss verb to be used as well as conversation Global cankisslien = 0; !This is used to destroy the last beer correctly Global last_beer=0; !This is for descriptions and the ilk ! 1: initial ! 2: Player to BreakRoom ! 4. Can leave Keegan's car ! 5: Keegan has jumped over the fence ! 6: Met Shayne the second time Global GameChapter = 1; !This stops from Keegan from droning on like a spod Global cluefirst = 0; !This is an indicator as to whether or not Avandre has talked to Shayne !0 -- initial state; or Avandre's being a pussy !1 -- Keegan or Avandre mouthed off !2 -- Pang is there after a mouth off !3 -- combat has been initiated by player, no Pang !4 -- combat has been initiated by player, Pang present Global Shaynetalked = 0; Global haveprayed = 0; Global slavetake = 0; Global knivesthrown = 0; Global halted = 0; Global Keegandead = 0; Global invisible_status; Menu hm "CHICKS DIG JERKS: HINT MENU" with description "Please select one of the following items:", ! We need to specify the number of lines of description. number 1; ! First, an option Menu -> "CHICKS DIG JERKS: Special Verbs / Command Summary", with sup_bar "Chicks Dig Jerks", banner_tags "N=Go Down" "P=Go up" "Enter=Select" " Q=[bug]" "Q=back" 8 7; HintTopic -> -> "Display Command Summary"; Hint -> -> -> "Command Summary", with description "These commands have the following uses:^^ TALK: Tells Avandre to talk to another character. Can be shortened to ~t~.^ INVENTORY: Displays what Avandre is holding. Can be shortened to ~i~.^ AGAIN: Repeats the last command. Can be shortened to ~g~.^ EXAMINE: Stare at a particular item. Can be shortened to ~x~.^ WAIT: Allow time to pass one turn. Can be shortened to ~z~.^ ABOUT: Prints the initial info message.^ SAVE: Saves the game in progress. You will be prompted for a filename.^ RESTORE: Loads a saved game.^ RESTART: Begins the game anew, as if playing it for the first time.^ SCRIPT ON: Logs the game's text to an output file.^ SCRIPT OFF: Turns off game logging.^ VERBOSE: Prints room description every time you walk into the room.^ BRIEF: Prints the room description only if you've never been there.^ SUPERBRIEF: Never prints a room description.^ "; Separator -> " "; ! Personally, I would never include hints in the first official release of a game. ! Fact is, if people are stuck in your game, they talk about it in raif. The ! more they talk, the more chance there is for you to learn what they think of it. ! Personally, I'm planning on making the second revision for future games a "hint-included" ! one. Menu -> "Mick's Unwashed Outback Tavern", with sup_bar "Mick's", banner_tags "N=Go Down" "P=Go up" "Enter=Select" " Q=[bug]" "Q=back" 8 7; HintTopic -> -> " What am I doing here?"; Hint -> -> -> "TALK to KEEGAN."; Hint -> -> -> "You can type T KEEGAN for short."; Hint -> -> -> "Hm. It looks like he wants to get some phone numbers -- not a bad idea."; Hint -> -> -> "In fact, you will need to TALK to the denizens of the game for any real progress"; Hint -> -> -> "You never need to ASK a character ABOUT something in Chicks Dig Jerks."; Hint -> -> -> "Nor do you need to SHOW a character an object to advance the game."; HintTopic -> -> " How do I know what to say to the girls?"; Hint -> -> -> "Look at them before talking to them for some clues as to what they might be like"; Hint -> -> -> "When in doubt, be a complete assjack."; Hint -> -> -> "There are some girls that it is utterly impossible to connect with: just in real life."; Hint -> -> -> "However, for the most part you can get their phone numbers if you play it cool."; HintTopic -> ->" What's the deal with guy near the bathroom?"; Hint -> -> -> "LISTEN to him."; Hint -> -> -> "Hey, Shayne's kinda bein' a jerk today!"; Hint -> -> -> "You can TALK to him after he asks you a question."; Hint -> -> -> "Don't be a wuss."; Hint -> -> -> "If you backed down, you can have Pang help you start the bar fight."; Hint -> -> -> "I'm guessing you don't need a hint for the next part. Good luck with that."; Menu -> "The Break Room", with sup_bar "The Break Room", banner_tags "N=Go Down" "P=Go up" "Enter=Select" " Q=[bug]" "Q=back" 8 7; HintTopic -> -> " What am I supposed to do here?"; Hint -> -> -> "Just chill for a little bit. Maybe Pang and Keegan will let you play the video game."; Hint -> -> -> "OK. They won't, but Keegan will be by shortly with news on your job."; Hint -> -> -> "TALK to KEEGAN and select ~1~ to leave the Break Room."; Menu -> "The Chevette", with sup_bar "Inside Keegan's Car", banner_tags "N=Go Down" "P=Go up" "Enter=Select" " Q=[bug]" "Q=back" 8 7; HintTopic -> ->" Where are we going?"; Hint -> -> -> "You are headed to ~The Pete~ or the St. Peter Memorial Cemetery."; Hint -> -> -> "Keegan told you that some old betty croaked, so it'd be solid to pick up her stuff."; Hint -> -> -> "It's a long ride, though, so feel free to look around."; HintTopic -> ->" What's taking so long?"; Hint -> -> -> "You've never been in a Chevette before, have you?"; Menu -> "The Graveyard", with sup_bar "The Graveyard", banner_tags "N=Go Down" "P=Go up" "Enter=Select" " Q=[bug]" "Q=back" 8 7; HintTopic -> -> " How do I get into the graveyard?"; Hint -> -> -> "Take a look around the fence."; Hint -> -> -> "It looks like it's pretty secure."; Hint -> -> -> "And the fence is too high to climb over."; Hint -> -> -> "What happened to that security guard?"; Hint -> -> -> "Looks like he tried to defend himself with a stray piece of wood after using up his bullets."; Hint -> -> -> "Maybe with Keegan not around you can go through the stuff in his car."; Hint -> -> -> "TAKE his backseat."; Hint -> -> -> "TAKE the one good spring left."; Hint -> -> -> "Go back to the gate."; Hint -> -> -> "DROP the SPRING"; Hint -> -> -> "PUT the LUMBER ON SPRING"; Hint -> -> -> "JUMP ON LUMBER"; HintTopic -> ->" What the hell is going on here?"; Hint -> -> -> "Keegan will be by in a second."; Hint -> -> -> "It looks as if there are other people who do not want you in the graveyard."; Hint -> -> -> "Unfortunately, you have no way of getting back out since you don't have a key."; HintTopic -> ->" How do I stop the disintegrator?"; Hint -> -> -> "Do you still have your shovel?"; Hint -> -> -> "THROW SHOVEL AT SHITWANK"; Hint -> -> -> "From here, no one should be shooting at you and you can get to the bottom of this."; Separator -> "Questions You May Have"; HintTopic -> " What happened to Vegas, anyway?"; Hint -> -> "For that you will need to play ART OF HEARTBREAK, the prequel to this game, due in late 2000."; Hint -> -> "CHICKS DIG JERKS is the second game in the The Necromantic Trilogy."; HintTopic -> " What's new in this version of the game?"; Hint -> -> "What's new in this version?" with description "If you've never played the game before, this might be a good place to stop. All will be revealed."; Hint -> -> "Chicks Dig Jerks: Release 2.0" with description "This version has all the bugs that were there for the Comp version fixed. Many conversations were added, especially to Keegan and Criswell. A goth girl will wander by the first bar early in the game. Avandre now has a pager. It goes off from time to time; Looking at it will reveal the last page. (It's one of those crappy free ones though, so there's no message history to it.) The bartender can produce a phone if Avandre really needs to use it. A lot of the later conversations were edited. It is now impossible to get whacked by sentients who are not in the room with you. The irritating ~which wall do you mean?~ thing was obliterated. Erm, ~removed.~ The entire game got 37% sexier. Invisi-Clues were -- ah, right. You noticed. Sorry. I attempted to ease the cohesion between the two parts.^^"; ! I included this to try to get in Download.com. They stated that my game "served no useful purpose." Apparently, ! much like Download.com. HintTopic -> " What is Interactive Fiction?"; Hint -> -> "IF" with description "Interactive fiction is a type of video game that is dependent upon the player typing English commands rather than directing his or her character through a mouse, joystick or auxiliary game controls. This type of game -- also known as ~text adventures~ -- were dominant throughout the 1980s. Companies such as Infocom, Magnetic Scrolls, Level 9 and Legend released these adventures fairly regularly. The earlier games were generally wholly devoid of graphics while some later ones had still pictures of often stunning quality to help the player visualize the scene. ^^ Perhaps inevitably, text adventures began to die as computers were able to better display and process graphics. Infocom was purchased (and subsequently shut down) by Activision, Magnetic Scrolls eventually stopped writing games altogether and Level 9 got out of the entertainment software field. ^^ However, there are still a certain faction of game players that enjoy -- and even prefer -- this style of gaming experience. Development languages have been freely released in recent years that allow computer programmers to write their own adventures. These systems -- Inform, Tads, Hugo, AGT and Alan -- are fairly easy to pick up and offer friendly manuals & support to assist with game development. As a result many former players are now writing their own text adventures with increasingly remarkable results. ^^ It would probably be accurate to say that the most experimental and engrossing video games currently being produced are coming from this community of developers. Players that perhaps seek more depth and story are drawn to these works. And most of these new games are totally free, to boot.^^ If you'd like to learn more about the IF scene, configure your newsreader to pick up rec.games.int-fiction and rec.arts.int-fiction. A FAQ is posted on rgif every week for new players. If you'd like to find more games similar to this one, ftp over to ftp.gmd.de/if-archive. You won't be disappointed. ^^ CHICKS DIG JERKS puts the player in the role of young grave robber Avandre Varick. Avandre is out socializing with his friends Keegan and Pang hoping to get a couple telephone numbers before he leaves the bar. You can instruct Avandre to do different things by typing them in at the ~>~ prompt. For instance, if you want Avandre to look at a girl, you would type ~LOOK AT GIRL~. If you'd like him to talk to a character, type ~TALK TO~ and then the name of the character you wish to converse with. Perhaps ~TALK TO LEIGH~ or ~T KEEGAN~ (you can just type ~T~ instead of ~TALK.~^^ Avandre can pick up different items throughout the game. To get a list of what he currently possesses, type ~INVENTORY~ or ~I~ for short. To move him around to different locations, type ~NORTH~ or maybe ~SOUTH~. The list of valid directions are as follows: NORTH, SOUTH, EAST, WEST, NORTHWEST, NORTHEAST, SOUTHWEST, SOUTHEAST, IN and OUT. (No, you won't need to go up or down in this game.) ^^ In addition, you can ~TAKE~ items, ~PUT~ items ~ON~ other items, ~DROP~ items and -- if you've got something appropriate, ~DRINK~ items. If you try a few different solutions and nothing seems to work then the game probably doesn't understand the thing you're referring to and it's unimportant. However, if you are stuck and want help just type ~HINTS.~ ^^ Above all, have fun and feel free to let me know what you think. I can be reached at ( robb_sherwin@@64juno.com ). I check that box fairly regularly and appreciate feedback on what you think worked, or conversely, what didn't. Thanks for playing and remember that CHICKS DIG JERKS.^^"; ! MAGIC JAR will more likely be done for Valentines Day 2001. Oy. HintTopic -> "Tell me about the programmer"; Hint -> -> "Robb Sherwin" with description "Robb Sherwin is a twenty-five year old computer programmer originally from Rochester, NY. He attended Syracuse University and has recently moved to northern Colorado where he spends his time playing keyboard for a band named Beaver, rooting for the New Orleans Saints and ruining his hair with dangerous, experimental dye.^^ He is currently writing his next text adventure (tentatively called MAGIC JAR) in order to get it finished before Valentine's Day. ^^ He can be reached via e-mail at ~robb_sherwin@@64juno.com~^^"; ! Just to reiterate -- I really appreciate the following men and women for their help. CEROY -- whoever he or she may be -- ! seriously got me out of a jam. Vanessa really made me think about what a player goes through in a character-based work of ! IF and I appreciate that. HintTopic -> "Credits"; Hint -> -> "Cred1" with description "There are a few people I would like to thank regarding the development of this game. ^^ Graham Nelson for the Inform Development Language.^ Andrew Plotkin for answering many, many questions on raif. ^ CEROY 1 for create() and destroy() assistance.^ Adam Cadre for conversation source code.^ L. Ross Raszewski for Hint Menu source code.^ Adam Parcells for initial alpha-testing.^ Lucian P. Smith for his script file and beta test support site.^ Stephen Granade for running the 1999 IF Comp.^ Joseph Grzesiak, Dustin Godec, Vanessa Falls Pinter & The Milker for post-comp bug reports & comments.^^ This game was written from April 17th, 1999 -- November 22nd, 1999.^^ The competition version was release ~1~ and had some bugs. They have been sorted out and dealt with appropriately. Hopefully, natch. I wrote this game with pretty much the same four CDs in the changer: Disintegration by the Cure, Sunburn by Fuel, Woodface by Crowded House and Safe Ride Home by Frogpond.^^ I would be delighted to hear your comments. I can be reached at robb_sherwin@@64juno.com.^^ If you're interested in what else I've done within the IF scene, go to the Knight Orc Home Page at www.geocities.com/@@126knightorc and Reviews From Trotting Krips at ifiction.tsx.org. ^^ Lastly, thanks to Fodge for getting me out to the Fort, Bryan B. and Ben for being a couple of solid citizens and Luther for originally uploading Inform 6 to my BBS. ^^ -- Robb Sherwin, November 22nd, 1999"; [DrawStatusLine width posa posb; if (invisible_status==1) return; @split_window 1; @set_window 1; @set_cursor 1 1; style reverse; width = 0 ->33; posa = width-26; posb = width-13; spaces (width-1); @set_cursor 1 2; PrintShortName(location); if (width > 76) { @set_cursor 1 posa; print "",; @set_cursor 1 posb; print "Moves: ", sline2; } if (width > 63 && width <= 76) { @set_cursor 1 posb; print sline1, "/", sline2; } @set_cursor 1 1; style roman; @set_window 0; ]; Object LibraryMessages with before [; Miscellany: if (lm_n == 30) return DontKnowError(); Jump: "You jump about like a little faerie."; Yes: "Damn straight."; No: "Exactly."; Strong: "Watch it, there are children buried in the fucking graveyard!"; Mild: "Use that kind of language on your own fucking time."; Burn: "Easy there, St. John Allerdyce."; Pray: "Your prayers seem to, for now, go unanswered."; Kiss: "~I'd sooner kiss a pig.~"; Fill: "But the emptiness remains."; Listen: "Nothing unexpected catches your attention."; Sorry: "Don't apologize! You need to be more aggressive in the graveyard!"; Blow: "Easy there, Monica."; Sing: "You start humming."; Buy: "Can't be purchased."; Drink: "Can't. You'd better call AA, 'cos you seem to have a drinking problem! Wa! Ha!"; PushDir: "Quit it."; Sleep: "The time for sleep is over."; WaveHands: "Goofing around gives the rest of the stubble-chinned thieves a bad rep."; Taste: "Come on now! You're better than that!"; Swim: "You can't swim here..."; Swing: "Er, well... you get down, get groovy and start swingin with it!"; Think: "You engage in some serious deep thought."; VagueGo: "Come again?"; LMode2: " has now entered.... Maximum Verbosity."; ]; ! This is code to stop the scenery from being taken (provided by Mr. Graham Nelson). [ChooseObjects obj code; if (code<2) { if (obj has scenery) return 2; rfalse; } if (action_to_be==##Eat && obj has edible) return 3; if (obj hasnt scenery) return 2; return 1; ]; !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !For Zork-style error messages [ ParserError pe; if (pe == CANTSEE_PE) return DontKnowError(); rfalse; ]; ! Synonyms & New Actions for CHICKS DIG JERKS ! Next time I'm pulling a Chris Crawford and writing "playing this game without typing ABOUT is a waste of time." ! I should have done it for this one, but I wasn't cocky enough. [AboutSub; "CHICKS DIG JERKS is interactive fiction of standard difficulty level, originally intended as an entry for the 1999 Interactive Fiction Competition. ^^ This game does not adhere to the Infocom standard of non-player character communication. Rather than ~ASK character ABOUT item~ or ~TELL character ABOUT item,~ the player can talk to the other people in the game by typing ~TALK TO character~ (or simply T character, for short). The resulting menu allows the player to pick from a menu of what you'd like your character to say. The game will with respond with the NPC's response. ^^ It is not possible to get the game in an unwinnable state for any dramatic length of time. Please type ~HINT~ for further gameplay questions, hints and this ware's design notes.";]; Verb "about" * -> about; [DanceSub; "You start to dance for a little bit and then realize you're kind of out of place.";]; Verb "dance" * -> dance; [HelloSub; print "CHICKS DIG JERKS does not support ~hello.~ Instead, please use ~TALK TO~ and then the name of the character instead."; return; ]; Verb "hello" "hi" "greetings""hiya""word" "h^lo" * -> hello; [HugSub; "You can't hug that!";]; Verb "hug" * noun -> hug; [KickSub; "You miss.";]; Verb "kick" * noun -> kick; [LickSub; "You can't lick that.";]; Verb "lick" * noun -> lick; [MoshSub; "You thrash about as if you were having a total seizure.";]; Verb "mosh" "thrash" * -> mosh; [Order1Sub; "You can't order that.";]; Verb "order" * noun -> order1; [PlaySub; "You can't play with that."; ]; Verb "play" * noun -> play; [PlughSub; "Luc -- good call about the bar, dude.";]; Verb "plugh" * -> plugh; [RequestSub; "You can't order that.";]; Verb "request" * noun -> request; [ShootSub; "That can not be fired.";]; Verb "shoot" * noun -> shoot; [SmileSub; "You flash your white chompers about.";]; Verb "smile" * -> smile; [StealSub; "That can not be stolen, Van Footpad.";]; Verb "steal" "filch" "pilfer" "thieve" * noun -> steal; [StickSub; "You can't stick that there."; ]; Verb "stick" * noun -> stick; [ToggleSub; "You can't toggle that."; ]; Verb "toggle" * noun -> toggle; [VaultSub; "You can't vault on that!";]; verb "vault" * noun -> vault; [ UnravelSub; "That can not be unraveled!"; ]; Verb "unravel" "detach" "disconnect" "disengage" "disjoin" "divide" "separate" "sever" "split""uncouple" "untie" * noun -> unravel; [ UseSub; "You never have to use the word 'use' in CHICKS DIG JERKS. Objects can be manipulated in various ways inherently, by use of a verb. For instance, instead of USE SHOVEL, you could try DIG. Instead of USE PAGER you could try READ PAGER.^^";]; Verb "use" * noun -> use; [ XyzzySub; "A hollow voice says, ~Myst drools, CHICKS DIG JERKS rules!~"; ]; Verb "xyzzy" * -> Xyzzy; [ DialPhoneSub i counter ; if ( (TestScope(telephone)) ~= 1) { print "You can't see a phone here to dial on!^^"; return; } ! Fodge was the guy who, in real life, told a bouncer that if he didn't let us into some club in Durango that's ! "all he'd ever be." I didn't follow his mentality, necessarily, that day, but it was still kind of funny. counter = 0; for (i=1:i<=dialled_number->0:i++) counter++; if (counter > 7) { remove telephone; print "The bartender sees that you're trying to enter in an extra-long telephone number and gets pretty bent out of shape.^^ ~What the fuck do you think you're doing, slushy? Give me that.~ He grabs the phone away from you and hides it under the bar.^^ ~Er...~ You're kind of at a loss for what to say. ~C'mon, man. I just mis-dialed. I have to make this call.~^^ ~Sorry man,~ he says. ~Not my rule. I'm just the bartender.~^^ ~Yeah? Well, with an attitude like that, that's all you'll EVER be!~ Having verbally pierced a poor working stiff's ego, you turn your back on him and wink to any chick walking by. Then you realize you'll probably never get the phone from him now, so you start to sulk. You can't see any compassion here.^^"; return; } ! Case One: dialing 1, 2, 4, 5, 6 or more than 7 digits if ((counter == 1) || (counter == 2) || (counter < 7 && counter > 3) || (counter > 7)) { print "You dial the digits and wait. Nothing. Eventually you get a 'busy' signal. ~Hey, dude,~ you say. ~What the fuck is wrong with your phone?~^^ The bartender, having already considered you a troublemaker the instant you walked into the place, has had his eye on you and kindly answers. ~You gotta dial seven numbers, Corky. It's this new fucking thing.~ That kind of answers that.^^"; return; } ! Case Two: dialing 911 if ((dialled_number->1 == 9) && (dialled_number->2 == 1) && (dialled_number->3 == 1) && (counter == 3)) { print "You dial the police, and give them a tip on that nasty ~axe murderer~ you've been keeping them so interested in lately.^"; return; } ! Case Three: dialing 498-1201, or really, 4981201 if ( (dialled_number->1 == 4) && (dialled_number->2 == 9) && (dialled_number->3 == 8) && (dialled_number->4 == 1) && (dialled_number->5 == 2) && (dialled_number->6 == 0) && (dialled_number->7 == 1) ) { remove telephone; SetQuip(19,0,1); SetQuip(19,1,1); SetQuip(19,2,1); SetQuip(19,3,1); move Holly to Bar; <>; } ! Cast Four: Fancy boy decides to dial the number he memorized via football players! if ( (dialled_number->1 == 4) && (dialled_number->2 == 1) && (dialled_number->3 == 2) && (dialled_number->4 == 2) && (dialled_number->5 == 9) && (dialled_number->6 == 7) && (dialled_number->7 == 3) ) { print "You get a girl's machine.^^ ~This is Kirsty, I'm not home right now and neither is my roommate. If you'd like to leave a message, make sure it's amusing.^^ ~Ma'am, if you've seen any Autobots lately, please contact the FPD immediately. They are more than meets the eye!~ You hang the phone up. That was pretty unfunny, so it's a good thing you didn't leave your name.^^"; return; } ! Case Five: If it's hot, they will come (sorry) if ( (dialled_number->1 == 4) && (dialled_number->2 == 1) && (dialled_number->3 == 6) && (dialled_number->4 == 7) && (dialled_number->5 == 9) && (dialled_number->6 == 9) && (dialled_number->7 == 2) ) { print "~Hi, this is Rocky. I'm downstairs being *punished* right now. Awwoooo! Awooooo! Yarg!~^^ Click.^^"; return; } ! Case Six: no comment if ( (dialled_number->1 == 3) && (dialled_number->2 == 9) && (dialled_number->3 == 2) && (dialled_number->4 == 8) && (dialled_number->5 == 1) && (dialled_number->6 == 9) && (dialled_number->7 == 8) ) { print "A middle-aged man picks up the phone and says hello.^^ ~Yeah, I'd just like to say that after I have become the greatest game programmer the world has ever known and possibly -- though unlikely -- finally made you the slightest bit proud of me, I will be able to say that I put you in the game that started it all.~^^ ~Yeah, Mr. Tough Guy? Well we'll just see, won't we?~^^ Click.^^"; return; } ! A quote from Aaron Gold, when he'd call up Farsase. "Farsase! Is Christina there? No? That's right, because she's currently going ! down on me." And then Farsase would inquire as to whether or not she was using the long, full, wet strokes he was so fond of. ! God, Farsase was funny as hell. else print "The number keeps ringing until you get a machine. It's no one you know. You give the obligatory message ('Your girlfriend's over here... FUCKING ME! Hahahah!') and hang up.^^"; ]; Verb "dial" * PhoneNumber -> DialPhone; Include "VerbLib"; ! OK, this is probably the only interesting bit: the dynamic NPC maker... ! Class Descriptions Class Girl (12) with name "girl" "chick", description [; print "She has ", (string) self.hair_color, " hair and ", (string)self.eye_color, " eyes. She is wearing ", (string)self.outfit, ". ", (string)self.tudedescript ; rtrue; ], with descriptor, descriptext, hair_color, eye_color, her_name, hernametext, outfit, attitude, tudedescript, charnumber, kissgood, parse_name [ ; if (Nextword()=='girl' or 'chick' or 'woman' or self.descriptext or self.hernametext) rtrue; ], create [r s t; r=random(6); while (r==lastr) r=random(6); lastr=r; switch (r) { ! self.descriptor is the game's description for her hair color "there is a blonde here" ! self.descriptext is used to allow her to be referred to like "look at the blonde" ! self.hair_color is used in the description of her actual hair color 1: self.descriptor = "blonde"; self.descriptext = 'blonde'; self.hair_color = "blonde"; 2: self.descriptor = "blonde"; self.descriptext = 'blonde'; self.hair_color = "bleached blonde"; 3: self.descriptor = "brunette"; self.descriptext = 'brunette'; self.hair_color = "long, dark"; 4: self.descriptor = "brunette"; self.descriptext = 'brunette'; self.hair_color = "long, black"; 5: self.descriptor = "redhead"; self.descriptext = 'redhead'; self.hair_color = "red"; 6: self.descriptor = "redhead"; self.descriptext = 'redhead'; self.hair_color = "absolutely gorgeous auburn"; } ! "Shanifqua"? The hell was I thinking? What does that even mean? t=random(22); while (t==lastt) t=random(22); lastt=t; switch (t) { 1: self.her_name = "Andrea"; self.hernametext = 'Andrea'; 2: self.her_name = "Sierra"; self.hernametext = 'Sierra'; 3: self.her_name = "Sharice"; self.hernametext = 'Sharice'; 4: self.her_name = "Jennifer"; self.hernametext = 'Jennifer'; 5: self.her_name = "Susan"; self.hernametext = 'Susan'; 6: self.her_name = "Melissa"; self.hernametext = 'Melissa'; 7: self.her_name = "Tina"; self.hernametext = 'Tina'; 8: self.her_name = "Shasta"; self.hernametext = 'Shasta'; 9: self.her_name = "Catherine"; self.hernametext = 'Catherine'; 10: self.her_name = "Lindsay"; self.hernametext = 'Lindsay'; 11: self.her_name = "Nicole"; self.hernametext = 'Nicole'; 12: self.her_name = "Trish"; self.hernametext = 'Trish'; 13: self.her_name = "Tammy"; self.hernametext = 'Tammy'; 14: self.her_name = "Shelia"; self.hernametext = 'Shelia'; 15: self.her_name = "Lisa"; self.hernametext = 'Lisa'; 16: self.her_name = "LaToya"; self.hernametext = 'LaToya'; 17: self.her_name = "Shanifqua"; self.hernametext = 'Shanifqua'; 18: self.her_name = "Samantha"; self.hernametext = 'Samantha'; 19: self.her_name = "Sally"; self.hernametext = 'Sally'; 20: self.her_name = "Rebecca"; self.hernametext = 'Rebecca'; 21: self.her_name = "Sarah"; self.hernametext = 'Sarah'; 22: self.her_name = "Leigh"; self.hernametext = 'Leigh'; } self.kissgood = 0; self.eye_color = random ("blue", "green", "brown", "hazel", "dark, almost black"); self.outfit = random ( "a tight, revealing black dress", "a miniskirt and halter top", "a baggy sweater and blue jeans", "a mottled t-shirt depicting some awful band she saw on tour", "a leather jacket and pair of painted-on jeans", "a bra, jacket and short black skirt", "an outfit most hookers would blush at", "seamed stockings and four-inch heels", "a cute pair of overalls and green undershirt", "entirely too much makeup", "a white t-shirt and pair of blue scrub pants", "an orange t-shirt and pair of blue jeans", "birkenstocks, which probably means she's at least a closet hippie", "a silver jumpsuit", "a dark cocktail dress" ); s=random(9); while (s==lastgirl) s=random(9); lastgirl=s; ! s=8; switch (s) { 1: self.attitude = "frosty"; self.tudedescript = "She doesn't appear to really be enjoying herself, and seems a little distant.^"; self.charnumber=5; 2: self.attitude = "horny"; self.tudedescript = "She looks about the room and seductively smiles in your direction. And then Keegan's. And then, basically, the direction of every other guy in the room.^ "; self.charnumber=6; 3: self.attitude = "confused"; self.tudedescript = "She seems normal and approachable.^"; self.charnumber=7; 4: self.attitude = "bitch"; self.tudedescript = "She gives momentarily gives you a look of complete disdain before scanning other areas of the tavern.^"; self.charnumber=8; 5: self.attitude = "brain"; self.tudedescript = "She is wearing a pair of glasses which really look sexy on her.^"; self.charnumber=9; 6: self.attitude = "milf"; self.tudedescript = "She constantly looks at her watch and bites her lower lip. She appears to be totally pre-occupied.^"; self.charnumber=10; 7: self.attitude = "friendly"; self.tudedescript = "She appears really cheerful and happy. She seems to be having a great time. You notice that she really does have a gorgeous smile.^"; self.charnumber=11; 8: self.attitude = "amused"; self.tudedescript = "It looks like she is laughing at practically anything that is said to her. She's either wasted or easily amused.^"; self.charnumber=12; 9: self.attitude = "easy"; self.tudedescript = "Your eyes meet hers, and she freezes. She instantly looks you up and down. She licks her lips smiles evilly.^"; self.charnumber=13; } ], short_name [; print (string) self.descriptor; rtrue; ], article "a", with before [; Hug: print "What are you, some kind of touchy-feely jeeb? Go color some books.^"; return; ], has animate female with life [i; Kiss: if (self.kissgood == 0) { print "She says, ~No way!~^"; return; } else { i = random(10); switch (i) { 1: print "She kisses you warmly.^"; 2: print "She looks hesitant but quickly gives in.^"; 3: print "You grab her by the back of her head and kiss her deeply. She doesn't mind at all and softly moans afterwards.^"; 4: print "Before you can, she comes up to you and kisses you on the mouth.^"; 5: print "She doesn't resist at all and kisses you back.^^ ~Nice,~ she says. ~Real nice.~^"; 6: print "The two of you lock eyes for an instant. It's enough. You bring her up to you and kiss her. It's incredible.^"; 7: print "You give her a chaste little kiss... it looks like she might want more but not now.^"; 8: print "You brush up to her in order to kiss her. She draws back, but smiles while doing so. You give her a playful look of hurt and she giggles and kisses you.^"; 9: print "You kiss her... her lips taste great.^"; 10:print "You give her a kiss.^"; return; } } ]; ! Keegan was sort of an amalgam of a few friends of mine from way back. Because of it, I don't think he had a defining trait. I hope to rectify that ! by doing a game chronologically before this one where he is still alive. I do maintain that when going out to a meat-market you need to have a guy ! who's on your team and can take one for the team. Competition should be waylayed for the greater good. Class Keegan (1) with name "Keegan" "Daniel", description [; print "He is a shifty little heartbreaker, effortless in his style and grace. He is wearing a pair of oversized dungarees, a red baseball cap and a black polyester jersey.^"; rtrue;], with hair_color, eye_color, hisname, outfit, charnumber, create [; self.hair_color="brown"; self.eye_color="hazel"; self.hisname="Keegan"; self.outfit="a pair of oversized dungarees, red baseball cap and black polyester basketball jersey."; self.charnumber=0; ], before [; take: if (slavetake == 0) { slavetake = 1; print "That on the 1st day of January, A.D. 1863, all persons held as slaves within any State or designated part of a State the people whereof shall then be in rebellion against the United States shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free; and the executive government of the United States, including the military and naval authority thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of such persons and will do no act or acts to repress such persons, or any of them, in any efforts they may make for their actual freedom.^^ That the executive will on the 1st day of January aforesaid, by proclamation, designate the States and parts of States, if any, in which the people thereof, respectively, shall then be in rebellion against the United States; and the fact that any State or the people thereof shall on that day be in good faith represented in the Congress of the United States by members chosen thereto at elections wherein a majority of the qualified voters of such States shall have participated shall, in the absence of strong countervailing testimony, be deemed conclusive evidence that such State and the people thereof are not then in rebellion against the United States.^ Keegan looks at you strangely.^^"; return; } else { print "You can't take people in CHICKS DIG JERKS.^"; return; } ], has proper male animate scenery, with life; Keegan Keegan1 "Keegan" with initial [; switch (GameChapter) { 1: "Keegan is by your side, sipping a beer."; 2: "Keegan is here, getting ready to leave for tonight's job."; 3: "Keegan is here driving the Chevette to the cemetery."; 4: "You can see Keegan."; default: "Keegan is here."; } ]; ! Pang is probably an approximation of my friend named Bundy, minus the rampant sexism, racism, pizza dependency and Broncos jerseys. Class Pang (1) with name "Pang" "Brian", description [; print "He is a testament to the power of a daily, regimented strength and conditioning programme. He is about six-foot-four, two-hundred seventy pounds with about 9% body fat. He is sporting a crew cut and unibrow.^"; rtrue;], with initial "You can see Pang here.", with hair_color, eye_color, hisname, outfit, charnumber, create [; self.hair_color="brown"; self.eye_color="brown"; self.hisname="Pang"; self.outfit="An orange t-shirt tucked into a pair of blue scrub jeans."; self.charnumber=1; ] has proper male animate ~transparent, with life; ! Fodge and Captain Kickass told me a story of how they were at the Washbar and some 4'11" guy tried to start a fight with them. I wasn't there, ! but Shayne was the guy I kind of based that mental image on. I should have made it more clear, in the game, that Shayne was a rival grave digger ! who wanted Avandre and Keegan out of the picture. Class Shayne (1) with name "Shayne" "midget" "man" "guy" "dude" "person" "shitwank" "shrimp" "Napoleon", with initial [; if (GameChapter < 4) { print "A short, aggressive shitwank is before you in line.^"; return; } else print "You can see a short, aggressive shitwank here.^"; ], description [; print "^He is an incredibly short piece of dump that lives for beer, barfights and blondes. He has a wicked Napoleon complex and nasty temperament.^"; rtrue;], before [; ThrownAt: switch (noun) { shovel: if (shovel in player) <>; else print "You don't have the shovel!^"; return; default: print "You miss!^"; <>; } attack: if (Player in Bathroom) { if (ShayneTalked == 0) { NightEvent = 2; <>; } if (ShayneTalked == 1) { NightEvent = 4; <>; } } else { if ((shovel in player) && (TestScope(Keegan1))) { remove(lastshayne); remove(Keegan1); remove(shovel); remove(weapon); keegandead = 1; print "You whip out the shovel and throw it at him. Before it arrives, however, he has enough time to fire off a shot of his weapon. Keegan desperately tries to avoid the white flash but is caught within the beam's energy. He is instantly disintegrated. You scream his name and feel as if your soul has been ripped away from your body. You collapse to the ground...^^ The pissing shitwank was totally unprepared for anyone to start chucking shovels at him. It catches him in the throat. Blood shoots wildly from his neck, a veritable geyser of haemoglobin. He thrashes about wildly and falls upon the gun, triggering it in the process. You hear a shriek and then absolutely nothing. You turn your head toward the direction of the scream but nothing but a dark fog where he used to be.^"; return; } else if (shovel in player) { remove(lastshayne); remove(shovel); remove(weapon); print "^You whip out your shovel and heave it like a javelin at him. He was totally unprepared for anyone to start chucking shovels at him. The shovel catches him in the leg and causes blood to shoot out like a fire hydrant. He curses you loudly and shambles closer in order to shoot you. In moving, he is tripped up by his broken leg and falls onto the disintegrator. He briefly roars in horror before being wholly consumed along with the weapon in a white flash of energy.^"; return; } else { print "You attempt to try to get close enough to attack him, but realize that it will only get you within range of his gun!"; return; } } listen: if (Player in Bathroom) { if (ShayneTalked == 0) "You can only hear fragments of the conversation he's having with his buddy, but they seem to be talking about a job they have to finish up later."; else "He's cursing like a drunken sailor on shore leave during a mass simultaneous ovulation. What?"; } else print "Shayne isn't making a lot of bizarre sounds right now."; ], with hair_color, eye_color, hisname, charnumber, create [; self.hair_color="black"; self.eye_color="brown"; self.hisname="Shayne"; self.charnumber=2; ] has proper male animate transparent, with life; Class Beverage (3) with name "drink" "beverage", with descriptor, descriptext, drinkname, with description [; print "You're never really sure what kind of drink you're going to get at this bar. After a quick smell and sip it seems to be ", (string)self.drinkname, ", but you're not extremely confident in your analysis.^";], parse_name [ ; if (Nextword()=='drink' or 'beverage' or self.descriptext) rtrue; ], short_name [; print (string) self.descriptor; rtrue; ], before [; drink: print "You drink it, and feel a little more sloshed.^"; beverage.destroy(self); return; ], create [; switch (random(6)) { 1: self.descriptor = "beer"; self.descriptext = 'beer'; self.drinkname = "an Easy Street"; 2: self.descriptor = "martini"; self.descriptext = 'martini'; self.drinkname = "a Rob Roy"; 3: self.descriptor = "shot"; self.descriptext = 'shot'; self.drinkname = "a shot of Jaegermeister"; 4: self.descriptor = "beer"; self.descriptext = 'beer'; self.drinkname = "an Auchtzheind"; 5: self.descriptor = "beer"; self.descriptext = 'beer'; self.drinkname = "a random imported lager"; ! My little nod to George Alec Effinger. 6: self.descriptor = "drink"; self.descriptext = 'drink'; self.drinkname= "a gin and bingara with a hit of Rose's"; } ], destroy [; ]; Object pager "pager" with name "pager", with pagedescript, with description [; if (lookedpager < 1) { self.pagedescript = "AVANDRE MEET ME AT MICK'S -- KEEGAN"; lookedpager = 1; print "It is a small, text-based beeper that allows your homies and sistas to keep tabs on you. Unfortunately, Keegan thought it would be pretty damn funny to place your pager number in the classifieds of ~Gay Porn Weekly,~ ~Gay Porn Monthly,~ ~Gay Porn Monthly Presents: The Gay Porn Monthly Annual,~ ~Studs Illustrated,~ and ~Bi-Times.~ (As well as the bathroom wall of the Liquor Hole Tavern, and the Penpal section of ~Boys Life.~) You tend to get quite a few bizarre messages every now and then. However, the pager company wants seventy bucks to change the number and a new chapter of Shenmue keeps coming out right when you have the spare cash.^"; return; } else { lookedpager = 1; print "The pager says ~", (string)self.pagedescript, "~^"; return; } ], before [; listen: "The pager isn't making any noise right now.^"; toggle: "The pager doesn't have a vibrate setting. Only a beep.^"; ], each_turn [; StartDaemon (self); ], number 0, daemon [p q z; q = random(100); if (q < 30) { self.number++; } p = random(100); if ((p < self.number) && TestScope(Keegan1)) { lookedpager = 1; self.number = 0; if (hollypaged == 0) { currentpage = 55; } else { z = currentpage; currentpage = random(54); if (currentpage == z) currentpage = random(54); } switch (currentpage) ! This was a post-comp addition. Full of in-jokes and easter eggs. The basis, of course, is that ! Keegan put Avandre's number in some seedy gay porn rag. ! "Pittman" is based on Julian Pittman, a guy frigging Ditka drafted even though it was a done deal ! that he was going to jail. Unbelieveable. He should have drafted me... I would have at least shown ! up to training camp. If you can spot the IF references in #14, #17 and #38 then you probably haven't ! seen the sun in far too long. { 1: self.pagedescript = "MEET ME FOR HOT GAY SEX!"; 2: self.pagedescript = "55378008"; 3: self.pagedescript = "HEY BIG BOY! WHAT'S FOR DINNER?!?"; 4: self.pagedescript = "VARICK, YOU'RE DOWN $125 PAY UP NOW!!!"; 5: self.pagedescript = "VAN, CALL ME! -- HOLLY"; 6: self.pagedescript = "BI-CURIOUS? CALL ME NOW SPANKY"; 7: self.pagedescript = "STATE OVER DILWEED U? HAHA! DOWN ANOTHER $270"; 8: self.pagedescript = "WHY DIDN'T YOU COME OVER LAST NIGHT? -- HOLLY"; 9: self.pagedescript = "YOUR SCATBAG CD IS IN. CLOVER MUSIC"; 10:self.pagedescript = "WE WILL BE AFTER OUR MONEY TONIGHT, SHITHOLE"; 11:self.pagedescript = "SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! AHHHHH"; 12:self.pagedescript = "THE OTHER ONE LESS THAN MEDIOCRE? WHAT?"; 13:self.pagedescript = "VAN, YOU'RE OFF TONIGHT. TELL KEEGAN."; 14:self.pagedescript = "CREEPY CRAWLERS! -- DONOVAN"; 15:self.pagedescript = "SURRENDER YOURSELF NOW, VARICK! FPD"; 16:self.pagedescript = "7734"; 17:self.pagedescript = "MEET ME AT APARTMENT F209 FOR HOT EXPLORATION"; 18:self.pagedescript = "YOUR LIBRARY BOOKS ARE THREE DAYS OVERDUE"; 19:self.pagedescript = "YOU HAVE NOT PAID YOUR BILL TO BOYS LIFE PLEASE REMIT"; 20:self.pagedescript = "SU LOST TO CSU YOU WIN $60"; 21:self.pagedescript = "PICK UP SOME LONGCUT FOR ME -- DONOVAN"; 22:self.pagedescript = "HI AVANDRE -- BLUR"; 23:self.pagedescript = "YOU'D BETTER HOPE I BLEED SOON, ASSHOLE. SARA."; 24:self.pagedescript = "NEW SHENMUE IS IN."; 25:self.pagedescript = "GOT COCK?"; 26:self.pagedescript = "FREE PITTMAN!"; 27:self.pagedescript = "ASDF! HA HA HA! EAT IT! MOFO!"; 28:self.pagedescript = "ANDREYA ASKED ABOUT YOU TODAY. -- DONOVAN"; 29:self.pagedescript = "I AM ELITE"; 30:self.pagedescript = "TALKING TO ANY GIRLS SCRUB? NYA WA HA"; 31:self.pagedescript = "LOOKING FOR A GENTLE LOVER -- CHRISTA"; 32:self.pagedescript = "WHOS YOUR DADYY YES II AM"; 33:self.pagedescript = "RAVAGE HER! RAVAGE I SAY!"; 34:self.pagedescript = "SUCK IT DOWN VAN QUEEF!"; 35:self.pagedescript = "HOW'S YOUR MOM?"; 36:self.pagedescript = "FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS Z WOT I NEED"; 37:self.pagedescript = "EVERY YANK ENJOYS A WANK. BLOOD N KRIPZ"; 38:self.pagedescript = "BE FAT AND LAZY SHITSTAIN"; 39:self.pagedescript = "GONNA KILL ME AN OIK! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO00"; 40:self.pagedescript = "IS YOUR LONG DISTANCE CARRIER SATISYING YOU. CAN I."; 41:self.pagedescript = "CALL ME 416-7992 FOR PULSATING SEX"; 42:self.pagedescript = "BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI BI GAY?"; 43:self.pagedescript = "YOU HOMOS MAKE ME WANNA PUKE"; 44:self.pagedescript = "THRASH IT OUT MAKE IT HAPPEN. THANX."; 45:self.pagedescript = "THANK YOU ST JUDE FOR FAVOUR RECEIVED"; 46:self.pagedescript = "NAME IT: AND THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING -- DONOVAN"; 47:self.pagedescript = "56 57 53 51 85 84 3 7"; 48:self.pagedescript = "YOU WERE GREAT THE OTHER NIGHT. LUV, CANDACE."; 49:self.pagedescript = "READY TO TRADE MOSS YET? MCLAUGHLIN"; 50:self.pagedescript = "SHIVER ME TIMBERS! HO!"; 51:self.pagedescript = "WHAT YOU THROWING AT ME BITCH?"; 52:self.pagedescript = "PLEASE HELP. 911. EMERGENCEE"; 53:self.pagedescript = "ROCK THIS PARTY. BRING MY COPY OF MASM. CHIEF."; 54:self.pagedescript = "FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE. HOPE YOU GET HERPES. VERONICA. DIE."; 55:self.pagedescript = "I WANT TO SUCK YOU OFF TONIGHT. 498-1201. HOLLY."; hollypaged = 1; SetQuip(19,0,1); SetQuip(19,1,1); SetQuip(19,2,1); SetQuip(19,3,1); if ( TestScope(Bartender) || TestScope(Tables) ) SetQuip(0,12,1); } if (TestScope(pager)) { print "Your pager just beeped.^"; return; } } ]; Object questions "qs"; [ QuerySub; print_ret (string) noun.description; ]; [Topic i; switch(scope_stage) { 1: rfalse; 2: objectloop (i in questions) PlaceInScope(i); rtrue; 3: "Wtfman?"; } ]; Object q1 "whoami" questions with name "i" "i?", description "(Avandre Varick)^ You are a fine specimen of humanity. You have brown eyes and black hair (which is currently styled as a random smattering of dreadlocks). You are wearing a black-and-red football jersey, a pair of cargo pants and a pair of hightops minus the laces. You are generally regarded by many as a complete assjack.^"; ! Locations for Mick's Unwashed Outback Tavern ! Bar -- opening section of the game ! Bathroom -- there is a huge line here until Avandre has talked to three girls ! Dance floor -- he can go out there and mosh about for a bit, no other real purpose ! Table -- where he can talk to a girl, one table should have multiple uses ! Based on "The Washbar" in Fort Collins. I didn't ever use "Collins" in the game, but since everyone in the comp ! knew I lived there, "The Fort" got translated. I was hoping for a mountainous village of indeterminate locale. ! But it didn't end up that way. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Object Bar "Bar" with description [; if (bar hasnt visited) print "You are up against the bar of Mick's Unwashed Outback Tavern and have a pretty solid view of the kids whom have come out tonight to party. Preps, goths, betties, freaks, cheerleaders, milfs, sorority types -- you've never seen the place so packed with such wholesome goodness. Fortunately it appears as if your competition contains an inordinate amount of chuds and losers.^^ Keegan returns, shaking his head. He briefly looks toward you. ~God, she smelled like an absolute honeypot. And I don't mean that in a sexist way, I mean it literally. Like she had bathed in honeycomb or something.~ He takes a sip and continues. ~I mean, I can deal with that, you know? I told her I was having difficulty mating my plastic honey bear because the only other syrup-based lifeform I knew was Aunt Jemima and it didn't want to go hogging. I was about to ask her if she wanted to help out when she copped this major 'tude. Apparently she was totally unaware what she smells like. Pfft. Clueless.~^^ You nod. ~Dude, no worries there. I'm guessing it would have ended badly when she got attacked by a swarm of yellowjackets right before you were about to drop the hammer.~^^ Keegan grins at that, his morale restored. ~Er, well, I also accidentally sneezed all over her. That probably had something to do with her rapid case of frostbite.~^"; else print "You are up against the bar. It's poorly lit, with the majority of light coming from an ultra-violet ray that illuminates all white it hits, making it appear to glow in the dark. There is a pack of people dancing wildly out on the floor and lots of girls sitting about at tables.^"; ], cant_go [; SmartCantGo(); ], e_to [; if (chixtalked <2) { print "You go towards the bathroom and see about twenty guys standing in line waiting. You decide you can hold off a little longer and return.^"; return; } else { move Keegan1 to Bathroom; return Bathroom; } ], s_to [; give Keegan1 ~scenery; return DanceFloor; ], sw_to [r; if (moves>1) { give Keegan1 ~scenery; move Keegan1 to Table; lastchix=girl.create(); if(lastchix ~=0) move lastchix to Table; return Table; } r=random(3); while (r==lasts) r=random(3); lasts=r; switch(r) { 1: print "^~Got some place you're dying to be, Romeo?~ asks Keegan. ~Hold up a sec, let me finish this.~ He gestures toward his drink^"; moves++; return; 2: print "^You're about to leave when an absolutely gorgeous brunette walks by. You turn to talk to her but she's already disappeared into the club.^^ ~She'll be back, dude,~ says Keegan. ~That's the thing, anyway. I want to get at least two numbers tonight. I will not settle for mediocracy like half the guys in this town, half the people I grew up with, and of course, your favorite football team.~^"; moves++; return; 3: print "^You take a quick trip to tables but are unable to really find anyone worth talking to upon closer inspection. You return to the bar.^"; moves++; return; } ], each_turn [; StartDaemon (self); ], number 0, daemon [; switch (++(self.number)) { 1: give Keegan1 ~scenery; } ], has light; Object -> Avandre "yourself" with name "Avandre" "Varick" "Van", charnumber 999, description "(Avandre Varick)^ You are a fine specimen of humanity. You have brown eyes and black hair (which is currently styled as a random smattering of dreadlocks). You are wearing a black-and-red football jersey, a pair of cargo pants and a pair of hightops minus the laces. You are generally regarded by many as a complete assjack.^", capacity 10, has animate male proper transparent; ! This guy was based on some total clown tending bar at Elliot's one night. His costume was straight from a McFarlane comic. Object -> Bartender "bartender" with name "bartender" "guy" "man" "garcon" "garson" "dude" "tender", charnumber 17, description "This clown is wearing a pair of wrap-around shades and a butch leather cap with intense pink boas. He looks like the bass player for Lenny Kravitz's band.^", has animate male transparent scenery; ! Casey was my attempt to put a girl with her head on straight in the game. Everyone should meet a girl like Casey. Object -> Casey "goth chick" with name "girl" "Casey" "chick" "goth" "goth girl" "goth chick", charnumber 18, initial "There is a goth chick here waiting for a drink.^", description "She has brown eyes and jet-black (obviously dyed) black hair. She is wearing a textbook goth outfit, complete with the black fingernails, eyeliner and steel-toed boots. She looks dark, mysterious, dangerous and completely off her rocker.^", each_turn [; StartDaemon (self); ], number 0, daemon [; switch (++(self.number)) { 1: give Casey ~scenery; } ], before [; attack: remove Casey; print "You attempt to blind-side her from behind with a flying elbow. The bartender warns her.^^ Goth chick attacks!^^ Goth chick kicks at you with her boots. She misses.^^ You attempt to punch her in the chest. You miss.^^ Everyone in the bar starts laughing at you. The goth chick looks upset. ~Fuck you, asshole!~ she screams. She leaves the bar.^^ ~What the fuck?~ asks Keegan. ~We can find some fourth-graders in 'chairs for you to try to beat up next....~^^"; return; kiss: print "The goth chick considers it for a moment. She shrugs. ~This is what my boyfriend gets for standing me up...~ she brings your face to her and traces a path around your lips with her tongue. She licks, achingly slow, just underneath your teeth and upper lip. She then ends it with a small, chaste kiss. She smiles at you and goes back to waiting for the bartender to serve her.^^"; return; hug: print "She looks at you oddly. ~How old are you?~ she asks.^^"; return; take: print "~Sorry, I have to wait here,~ she says.^^"; return; smell: print "She smells strongly of teenage rage.^^"; return; ], has animate female transparent scenery; Object -> Bar2 "bar" with name "bar" with description "The bar to Mick's Unwashed Outback Tavern is rather non-descript.^", has scenery supporter; Object -> bargirls "girls" with name "girls" "girl" "chick" "chicks" "women" "woman", charnumber 100, with description "The girls walk back and forth between the bar and the dance floor (which is just a bit south of the bar where you and Keegan are propped up against).^", with plural, has animate female scenery talkable; Object -> bartables "tables" with name "table" "tables" "stands" "booths" with description "The tables are south, a bit past the dance floor.^", with plural, has scenery; Object Telephone "telephone" with name "telephone" "phone", with initial "There is a telephone on the bar.^", with description "It's an older mash-the-button phone.^", before [; Take: print "The bartender says, ~Hey! Quit it, jerk!~ He stops short of removing the phone, though.^^"; return; ]; Object Holly "Holly" with name "Holly", charnumber 19, description "You can't see Holly here, she's on the phone!^", with life has animate proper scenery talkable; Object Dancefloor "Dance Floor" with description [; if (dancefloor hasnt visited) print "Ah, the famed dance floor of Mick's Unwashed Outback Tavern! It is here where negotiations for the interest of several types of girls begin. The floor itself is actually set a few feet lower than the bar and the various tables and booths. It's not exactly a mosh pit; its intended effect instead is to display those with the fortitude and personal esteem to rock out to the rest of the frightened losers or sloshed denizens. If you're lucky (as you have been in the past) you put on a good enough show to get a kiss after a couple songs end. If you're like Keegan you thrash about as if in an intense epileptic seizure and usually come quite to blows with some random chud with a baseball cap just centimetres above his eyes.^"; else print "This is the dance floor of the Tavern. A dark and most confusing pit of hormonal frustration. Currently, the deejay is playing some awful brand of club mix.^"; ], before [; dance: "You grab a girl close to you and start to grind with her."; listen: "The DJ is playing some absolute awful club music -- the kind that seems as if it's written in 1/4 time and never, ever ends."; ], cant_go [; SmartCantGo(); ], n_to [; move Keegan1 to Bar; return(Bar); ], s_to [; lastchix=girl.create(); if(lastchix ~=0) move lastchix to Table; move Keegan1 to Table; return (Table); ], e_to [; if (chixtalked <2) { print "You go towards the bathroom and see about twenty guys standing in line waiting. You decide you can hold off a little longer and return."; return; } else { move Keegan1 to Bathroom; return Bathroom; } ], has light; Object -> Dancegirls "girls" with name "girl" "girls" "chicks" "chix" "bitches", charnumber 100, description "There are many girls here, most of which are dancing sexily to the DJ's music. They seem to be going back and forth between the tables and the dance floor.^", before [; Attack: "Your attempts at combat with one of the random girls is futile. It simply looks like you're moshing."; Kiss: "You attempt to kiss a random girl but she slips away before you can plant her."; ], has animate female scenery talkable; Object -> Danceboys "boys" with name "boy" "boys" "guy" "guys" "chud" "chuds" "loser" "losers" "asshole" "assholes" "cornchuck" "cornchucks", charnumber 200, description "There are a bunch of chuds here looking absolutely ridiculous in trying to match the girls' sexy moves.^", before [; Attack: "You randomly select a chud and punch him square in the nose. He just thinks you're moshing really hard."; Kiss: "You can't seem to get in close enough to engage in hot, gay action."; ], has animate male scenery talkable; Object Table "Some Random Table" with description "The tables of this place always remind you of some ancient midwest speakeasy where stoic mobsters discuss carpetbagging, debauchery and cement shoes.^ You seat yourself.", cant_go [; SmartCantGo(); ], ne_to [; ResetChix(); move Keegan1 to Bar; girl.destroy(lastchix); return(Bar); ], n_to [; ResetChix(); girl.destroy(lastchix); return (Dancefloor); ], nw_to [; ResetChix(); girl.destroy(lastchix); return (Dancefloor); ], e_to [; ResetChix(); girl.destroy(lastchix); if (chixtalked <2) { print "You go towards the bathroom and see about twenty guys standing in line waiting. You decide you can hold off a little longer and return."; return; } else { move Keegan1 to Bathroom; return Bathroom; } ], each_turn [; StartDaemon (self); ], number 0, daemon [; if (chixtalked == 2 ) bladderfull = 1; if ((bladderfull == 1) && ((location == Tables ) || ((location == Bar) && (Casey notin Bar)) || (location == Dancefloor))) { switch (++(self.number)) { 1:"^^You're starting to feel the pangs of a full bladder."; 2:"^^Yep, you definitely need to get over to the bathroom."; 3:"^^You'd better find a place to urinate quickly, Avandre."; 5:NightEvent = 1; print "^^You decide you just can't take it any more.^^ ~Eeeagh!~ you scream. You unzip your cargo pants and part your boxers. The pressure is just too much to bear. ^^~I can't stop! I can't make it stop! The agony!!~ You just start pissing everywhere, all over the floor, arcing it on tables, on people, everywhere. ~The pain!! Aargh! Somebody please help me! Why won't it stop?~^^ Finally, it stops. The bouncers are not amused. As it turns out, the rest of your waste removal is taken care of as they beat the living shit out of you before throwing you into the street."; <>; } } else self.number = 0; ], has light; Object -> tables "table" with name "table" "tables", with description "One of a few dozen tables scattered about the Mick, complete with cigarette burns and lusty carvings.^", ! before ! [; ! Read: "/(Yes/No)^"; read buffer parse DrawStatusLine; i=parse-->1; switch (i) { 'Yes', 'YES', #n$y, 'yes', 'sure': BangChick(); 'No', 'NO', #n$n, 'no', 'nah': NoBangChick(); default: print "Yes or no, genius. ^^Whoops, it's too late. She took off while you were thinking it over.^"; } ]; ! OK, here's the deal. If you go to Dejanews and read about this scene, or go to Stephen's IF site and read the ! reviews of CDJ, you'll inevitable read that several people had several different views about this. Here's my ! take on it. ! ! 1. Sex is an adult form of play. I ended up getting some comments which basically questioned if I've ever had ! sex in my life. Who the hell are these people sleeping with? Much in the same way I feel that all human ! beings should treat language as a gift, and remain quiet in real life if they have nothing to add, sex should ! be seen not as a means of simply repopulating the species, but as a form of creative expression between two people. ! It doesn't matter in this scene that Avandre and the girl only met one another. What matters is that Avandre is ! alive. He spends his entire life around cadavars, corpses and bodies, but he has not let himself be affected. While ! he comes off as a "player" in the bar, or misogynistic, when it comes down to it, he is interested in his partner ! and creatively concerned. I hoped that it would cause people to think that he wasn't shallow -- I had hoped that ! the expected thing would be for him to jackhammer away and exclaim "slut!" -- and that his actual expression ! was a surprise, hinting at some depth. ! ! 2. I did try to make this at least somewhat tasteful. There are certain words that I avoided, because they came off ! as cheap and juvenile. Where a good piece of AIF can get you worked up because of the words used, I had hoped that ! this scene would instead depict the pleasure of being *with* somebody. ! ! 3. If the Bloodhound gang came out with their "discovery channel" song before CDJ, I would have had to redo the "animal sex" part. ! So I got lucky there. ! ! 4. The guys on alt.games.xtrek dug it, so neener neener. What? [BangChick i; ! I did this "remember the time" routine in real life. "Write what you know," young programmers. print "~I'd love to,~ you say. You give a quick heads-up to Keegan and Pang with ", (string)husk.her_name, " on your arm. ~Hey, remember that time you two did the 3D-modeling for that hot action game Virtua Queef?~^^ Keegan sees that you've got a girl with you. ~Get lost, assjack.~ ^^"; print"^^[Please press SPACE to continue]^"; do {@read_char 1 0 0 i; } until (i==32 or 10 or 13); print "^^^You find yourself back in ", (string)husk.her_name,"'s bedroom. It's a fluffy, overblown megadeal complete with the giant, roofed bed. You've been in situations like this before, it's nothing you can't handle. She leaves to freshen up for a second and you use the time to check out the scene for weird odds and ends to comment on. It's always been your experience that girls love talking about their room. ^^ ", (string)husk.her_name," arrives from the bathroom. She lights three or four candles about the room and then turns off all the lights. She spends a moment looking you over as you lay on her bed. She grins and then comes over toward you, just out of reach. She plays a compact disc and hits fast-forward until it reaches the sixth song. The song starts off with a slow, steady electric guitar that snaps on beats two and four. You hear whispers from the vocalist and she turns the volume up. ^^ She continues to keep beat to the music, dancing for you. She loses her self for a second and then comes back to earth and sees that you are transfixed. She slowly starts to undress. Looks like you really lucked out this time, as you become more and more aroused looking at her tight, sexy body. She starts to mouth the music and turns away from you, still writhing. The first words she says since you came back to her place are in concert with the song. Her eyes get larger. ~His arms are around me, and he's tearing my eyes....~ she is now wearing almost nothing and comes to you on the bed. Stalking you, on all fours, as if you are prey.^^ You sit with your arms behind your head, obviously amused and enjoying the show she's giving you. She seems to have completely accepted the fact that you are going to remain there, motionless, for a bit. She closes her eyes as she begins to slip out of her bra. You feel the music coming to a close and decide to strike on the final chord of the song. She clearly wasn't expecting you to be so fast. You bring her head up and look into her ", (string)husk.eye_color," eyes. You bring her mouth to yours and without breaking eye contact slowly trace just the tip of your tongue under her upper lip. You gently stroke a line down cheek with your fingers and turn your attention to her neck. ^^ Slowly, slowly, so slowly, you start to proceed down. Her shoulders smell so fucking incredible and are so smooth. You hold her around her waist with your left hand and unfasten her bra with your right. You look into her eyes again as you trace your thumbs under her nipples. She closes her eyes and so quietly moans; for just a little bit. Without warning, she jerks her eyes wide open and pushes you down on the bed. She kisses you, ravages your tongue with hers. She starts to lick your face like a little kitten and rips off your jersey. She throws it clear across the room, knocking over and blowing out a candle. You take a hold of her, just below her waist and simply command her to move closer to you. You then peel off the rest of her clothing. She giggles and then undoes the snap on your cargo pants. She throws them on the floor and parts your boxers. She starts to take you into her mouth and it feels... it feels right. God, ecstasy. You forget everything else and just enjoy this sexy, gorgeous woman teasing you, giving you just the beginnings of some head. ^^ Before the rocket can blast off into space, you bring her face back up towards yours and kiss her. You caress her everywhere, alternating between quick and drawn-out touches. She holds her hair up above her head, almost posing for you. You decide to make her feel like a goddess. You rise, mouth her everywhere on her chest and then lay her softly upon the sheets of the bed. You go down, explore her all over and listen to her reactions; try to understand what she enjoys, what's making her call out her God's name, what makes her spastic. ^^ The two of you have animal sex for the better part of the night. Afterwards, she falls asleep and you tuck her in. You find a pen and some paper and leave her a little note and your number. You kiss her on the forehead and she (reflexively?) smiles contently. You blow out the remaining candles, dress, and make your way home."; ]; [NoBangChick ; print"You give her your best ~Are you serious?~ look and gently lift her chin up. ~Maybe I'll give you a call next week, okay doll?~ She is so taken back by your response that she has absolutely nothing to say. You join up with Keegan and Pang. ^^ ~What was all that about?~ asks Pang. ^^ ~Chick just wanted me to go home with her. I kinda blew her off.~^^ ~Why the hell would you do that?~^^ ~Well, someday, Mr. Brian Jefferson Pang, when you've experienced the sheer volume of flesh that I have, you'll understand that sometimes you just need to spend some quiet, personal 'Vandre-time and put everything in perspective.~^^ Pang considers that for a moment. ~Yeah. Either that or you're just as flaming as the day is long.~^^ You get home, award yourself a special bonus virtual slurpee and stumble into your bedroom. ^^"; ]; ! This was the crucial bit of the entire game, and like a jerk I didn't make it mandatory reading. Paul O'Brian ! so this bit and definitely understood the effect I was going for. I don't know how many other people did. [SleepMsg i; print "^^You drop, exhausted, and are haunted by a dream you've had randomly but continually for years. You recall one of those lazy summer days when there were no responsibilities and you were totally free. Kiera was sitting upon the hill by the reservoir waiting for your visit. She'd always appeared to you as a lifeless doll waiting for your imagination and humour to fully animate her as you approached. You don't recall ever stopping to cherish the scene, though you made countless dates there and it was always beautiful. You took for granted the warmth of the sun on your skin and the minty scent of the freshly-cropped grass. In this dream you always ascend the hill and sit right next to her and -- instead of being greeted with genuine good cheer -- you feel as if her smile conceals a knife about to be treacherously twisted into your spine. ^^ In reality, of course, you never had a fight, conniption, spastic attack or argument on the hill. ^^ ~You have to stop coming around.~ She said that once in all the time you were together. The end, natch. Invariably, it's all you can ever recall her saying since the day she left. You ask her about the Other Guy. Not as smugly as you would today. No hint of sarcasm. She frowns, as angry as you've ever remembered. She briefly looks away, as if your eye contact still had any sort of power over her and returns to stare right through you. ~He's a friend,~ she states bluntly. Coldly. ^^ And you always wanted to, at that point, deliver all the rage you had inside which burns to this day, to throw wave after wave of hatred and anger upon her, to unleash your horror like a meteor storm. To rock the bitch's world and leave her reeling and bleeding. But, as always, you're completely frozen and unable to do so in the dream. You're instead consumed by thoughts of how it happened, how she got to this point. Regretting all the time spent with your worthless friends (now thousands of miles away), all the nights chilling with the other punk-ass goth rejects at the cemetery, all the time you didn't spend, basically, being an exciting, unavailable, uncontrollable asshole. ^^ So you'll wake up in the morning wishing, just once, to throw her down the hill or into the reservoir and tell her, finally, to fuck off. The sheer mediocrity of your life enrages you to the point of resolving to finally make a difference and something out of your life. But it always fades, quickly, as you wrestle with determining where you are and whom you woke up with. ^"; print"^^[Please press SPACE to continue]^"; do {@read_char 1 0 0 i; } until (i==32 or 10 or 13); ]; ! The point here is not that "all women are bad." It's supposed to, I guess, foreshadow the cultist at the end ! of the game, but I just thought it would be a neat scene to talk about bags of skin without any bone. [ SleepMsg2 i; print "^^You take off completely by yourself, leaving Keegan and Pang to make their own way home. You're consumed by the random spurts of aggressive violence in your life. You crash as soon as you enter your apartment and are overcome by a dream that refuses to let you go.^^ You remember playing keyboard in your band, Nightlife. You had plenty of gigs long before you moved to the Fort and for this particular one you remember borrowing a strobe light and laser system. You finished your set and got a towel -- there was a brunette you remember seeing at the club that you wanted to try to meet. ^^ After drying off, you went to go see the club owner in order to get paid. As you approached, you noticed that the very girl you had singled out was sitting across the bar staring you down. ^^ She looked ravishing, dangerous. She wore thick black mascara that, while making her come off as an incredibly cheap whore, did strangely look sexy against her dark skin. You tried to guess her ethnicity. Definitely south of here. Maybe off one of the islands? As you considered it, she finished her drink and licked her lips. It appeared as if the strobe light was somehow back on. She left her mouth wide open and beckoned you to join her.^^ ~Shit, sometimes it's just too easy.~ You almost felt sorry for her, as she was completely helpless against a sexy musician in your (at the time) short dreads. Then again, looking so fine it's often a struggle with yourself to just get out of the house without awarding yourself your very own virtual slurpee. ^^ She brought you to one of the back rooms by the hand. She opened the door and let you lead. There was almost no room to move about, as there are several amps, microphone stands and t-shirts scattered about in a random heap. Trying to keep cool you looked about the room, as if she suddenly wasn't interesting or sexy anymore. While looking about you saw the empty husks of the other three members of your band! They seemed to have been nailed to the wall, where they hung like pinatas. Your friend Gabriel weakly moaned to you, but it was completely incomprehensible. You remembered the girl and turned to face her. As you do, she moved her hands up to your face (her nails are so long and so red!) and brought your face to hers (oh god, she smells so fucking good, like a fresh blast of wind and sex) and kissed you. The energy quickly began to leave your body, escaping through your lips. You heard her ache in ecstasy; draining you was making her absolutely wild and reckless. After what seemed like an hour you had no more warmth, no more heat and she threw you to the floor. She smiled sadistically before bringing out some thumb tacks and making you part of her collection.^^ You wake up briefly due to your own terror before finally getting back to sleep for the rest of the night.^^"; print"^^[Please press SPACE to continue]^"; do {@read_char 1 0 0 i; } until (i==32 or 10 or 13); ]; !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! First Interlude !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ! The Criswell and Pang scene was a nod to Spellcasting 101's "Malls and Muggers" scene. And the "more bugs than a tropical swamp" thing ! was just an in-joke, as that was written in a review of Saied. Object BreakRoom "Break Room" with description "You're in the break room. Usually other grave robbers and thieves hang out here waiting for jobs to be phoned in. You've spent many a night here playing Pang in 'i45 Panzer Armada or Super Action Battle 64 on the game console. A few guys seem to be playing a linked version of a game you're somewhat unfamiliar with.^", each_turn [; StartDaemon (self); ], number 0, daemon [; if (Player in BreakRoom) { switch (++(self.number)) { 1: "^^Pang shoots Criswell in the face with a grenade launcher. He yells, ~Eat it, bitch!~"; 2: "^^Criswell retaliates with a rapid layer of hot slag that slices through the air, killing Pang's character. ~This ain't Championship Manager, McDickle. Ya gots t'pay *attention* out there!~"; 3: move Keegan1 to BreakRoom; "^^Criswell gets up for a moment and goes to the refrigerator. He picks up a jug and sniffs it. ~Hey, is this orange juice?~ ^^ Everyone replies, ~Yeah.~^^ Criswell wrinkles his nose and is visibly irritated. ~Look, is it orange juice or just a really big screwdriver?~^^ Everyone replies, ~Screwdriver.~^^"; 4: "^^The video game crashes. Pang slams his fist down on the console. ~Dammit! This fucking thing has more bugs than a tropical swamp!~^^ Keegan enters and gives you a nod. ~Just a sec and I'll be ready to go,~ he says.^"; 5: "^^Criswell appears pretty pissed at Pang for hitting the console. ~What the fuck do you think you're doing, you fat piece of trash? Keep hitting the system like I hit your mom last night and I'll bust a cap through your ass.~^^"; 6: "^^Pang loads the disc up again. ~Remind me to shiver,~ he says to Criswell.^"; 7: "^^~And another thing,~ Criswell says to Pang, ~you play like an absolute girl. A little, freaking *girl*. You hop around like you're having a seizure and do more camping than a Winnebago. He looks towards you. ~I don't know how you manage to watch this shit, Van Queef. He makes me sick but my attention is usually paid whipping his sorry ass. If I were in your position I'd have barfed up both lungs and a kidney by now.~^"; 8: "^^Pang retorts. ~If I had as much free time as you I would no doubt be the superior opponent. But your stoner ass has been doing nothing but play vapid warez like this since Kaitlan left you. I mean, Christ, you were tripping on horse tranquilizer last time I saw you.~^^ ~Hey!!~ interjects Criswell. ~I gave all that stuff to Keegan!~^"; } ! For the last one, make self.number equal to 0 so that it starts up again } ], cant_go "Wait up a sec, Keegan is supposed to meet you here before tonight's job.", has light; object -> couch "couch" with name "couch" "sofa", with description "It's a raggy old blue sofa that you guys chill on when you're in the break room.^", before [; search: print "Criswell thinks you're going for his nads. He defends! ~Knock it off, Van Queef!~ You find nothing of value.^"; return; take: print "~Hey, check this,~ you say to Pang. ~I've been working out.~ You attempt to take the sofa, but start to strain your back. Criswell and Pang laugh at you.^"; return; ], has scenery supporter; object -> console "video game console" with name "video" "game" "console" "system", with description "It's a small, rather compact CD-based video game console. ^^Pang and Criswell are currently playing it.^", before [; open : print "Criswell gets awfully irritated at you trying to do that. ~Knock if off, chucklefuck, we're trying to play a game here.~^"; return; take : print "You only succeed in pissing off Criswell. ~Knock it off, Van Queef!~ he says. ^"; return; play : print "Criswell and Pang won't let you play and besides, there are only two controllers for it.^"; return; attack : print "Pang notices you trying to fix the thing. ~Yeah, slamming it is the only thing that gets the piece of shit working right. At least we don't have to blow on it like that last one which was cartridge based.^"; return; blow: print "No, it's not an NES.^"; return; ], has scenery; object -> joystick "joystick" with name "joystick" "gamepad" "controller" "controllers", with description "It's gray and attached to the console.^", before [; take: print "Pang stops you. ~Knock it off, Van, I'm playing a game here.~^"; return; ], has scenery; ! "Chet Criswell" was the name of my quarterback after Brett Favre retired in "Front Page Sports: Football 96". ! The game generates fake players for the draft each year. Criswell, in this game, is probably based on a few "slacker" ! friends of mine, but I gave him the hair-bleaching feature as sort of an author's voice deal. Or whatever. Class Criswell (1) with name "Chet" "Criswell", with initial "You can see Criswell here, sacked out on the couch.", with description [; print "He is a fuct-in-the-head lanky freak usually skulking about in the shadows. He is useful for getting horse tranquilizer and quarterbacking a flag football team. You're still not sure how he draws a paycheck, as all he ever does is hang around the break room. He is wearing ",(string)lastcriswell.outfit, ". It appears as if he has recently dyed his hair ", (string)lastcriswell.hair_color, ".^"; rtrue; ], with hair_color, hisname, outfit, charnumber, create [r s; self.charnumber = 14; r=random(9); switch (r) { 1: self.hair_color = "fire engine red"; 2: self.hair_color = "goblin green"; 3: self.hair_color = "a deep indigo"; 4: self.hair_color = "a repulsive, hospitally aqua"; 5: self.hair_color = "jet black"; 6: self.hair_color = "a fluorescent blue"; 7: self.hair_color = "platinum blonde"; 8: self.hair_color = "an obnoxious orange"; 9: self.hair_color = "silver, because he's a brainless shithead"; } s=random(6); switch (s) { 1: self.outfit = "a Spree jersey, hi-tops without laces and shorts that go down to his knees"; 2: self.outfit = "a FREE PITTMAN t-shirt and pair of shredded, acid-washed jeans"; 3: self.outfit = "a RUN RICKY RUN t-shirt and pair of acid-washed jeans with the crotch cut out"; 4: self.outfit = "a flak jacket, pair of baggy shorts and skater's kneepads"; 5: self.outfit = "a leather bomber jacket and pair of black dungarees"; 6: self.outfit = "a mustard-encrusted t-shirt and pair of boxers"; } ], has proper male animate, with life; ! Everybody hated poor Lien. Even those that hated Avandre still hated her. Sorry, Lien. I hope to one day write a sympathetic villain. Hell, ! I hope to one day write a sympathetic character, period. Class Lien (1) with name "Lien" "Chiu" "girl" "chick" "woman" "mistress" "vamp" "brunette" "brunet", with initial "You can see a dark, leggy brunette here.", with description "She is clad almost completely in pitch black leather, with the only exception that most of her long, gorgeous legs are fully naked. Her hair is dark, long and crinkled and her eyes seem like small black holes. Her skin is flawless and golden. She is wearing a medium-length dark cape with deep red trim.^", with charnumber, create [; self.charnumber = 16; ], before [; Kiss: if (cankisslien == 0) { print "You are unable to move close enough to stick your tongue down her throat.^"; return; } else { print " ^^She slowly comes closer and you notice her close her eyes. Her entire body (which of course, you are able to get a rather enticing view of due to her penchant for being clad in tight, black leather) tenses during her approach.^^ The wind picks up and soon a black mist enters the area. She approaches you and her lips are almost upon yours. Apparently she had held her breath while drawing close as she relaxes slightly and inhales a great deal of smoke. ^^ She draws back and starts violently coughing. Suddenly, you realize that you have control over your muscles again. "; if (TestScope(gun)) { print "You reach for the glock and drive it straight into her skull while she is retching. She screams and thrashes wildly. ^^ You feel a presence attempt to enter your body, but sense that it fails as the woman dies of massive head trauma. Her blood is splattered about, covering almost everything. You take her book with the intent of contacting the authorities. Before you leave, you take one last look at her corpse. ^^ She really wasn't *that* hot.^^"; <>; } else { print "You jump at her and tackle her. You repeatedly give her elbows to the throat. She attempts to speak in the same type of ancient tongues you'd heard before, so you throw her onto her stomach. Without warning, several knives rip away her flesh, neatly cleaving it into several different sections. She dies without so much as a muffled scream.^^ You come closer and find that her head has been cleanly cut from her body. You pick it up and look it over. You briefly consider taking it home as a trophy. You instead decide to punt the thing. You kick it and time yourself. The bitch's head got you about four and a half seconds of hang time. Major-league talent there, Avandre. ^^"; <>; } } ], has proper female animate, with life; ! The chevette was a nod to my buddy, Da King, who used to own one with the Flinstone-style floorboard. Those days ! were forever ago. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! Part Two !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Object InCar "Inside the Chevette" with description [; print "You are inside Keegan's '86 Chevette. You've ribbed him about the car many, many times and it never gets old. In fact, you pride yourself in thinking of new ways to express, in quite biting sarcasm, ~Keegan, your car sucks.~ There is approximately eight pounds of loose garbage strewn about the interior, the lord of which seems to be Keegan's tobacco spitter neatly residing in the cup holder. The windows are blackened from a failed tint job which is now quite severely peeling. The backseat is dominated by months-old newspapers, half-chewed altoids, the occasional used condom and a mysterious clear vial containing an unknown fluid. The car's floor is mostly rusted out providing for a ~Flintstones~ effect that never, ever, stops being funny.^"; ], out_to [; if (GameChapter ~= 4 ) { print "Leaping from a moving car would only be cool if someone were filming it, so you could end up on the ~WORLD'S WORST PASSENGERS~ special. Seeing how you were already made fun of on ~WHEN JEWS ATTACK IV~ you have no desire to further line that studio's pocketbook."; return; } else if (lumber has concealed) { give Keegan1 ~scenery; give Keegan1 ~concealed; move Keegan1 to Outside_Chevette; return (Outside_Chevette); } else give Keegan1 ~scenery; give Keegan1 ~concealed; move Keegan1 to Iron_Gate; return (Outside_Chevette); ], cant_go [; SmartCantGo(); ], each_turn [; StartDaemon (self); ], number 0, daemon [; switch (++(self.number)) { 4: "^^You hear an annoying slurping noise as Keegan sucks away the last of his cola."; 5: "^^Keegan finishes off his can of pop and chucks it out the window.^^ ~Hey!~ you exclaim. ~That can be fucking recycled!~^^ Keegan shrugs. ~It still can be.~^^"; 10: "^^Keegan takes the car off the highway.^^"; 12: "^^Keegan takes a right onto a gravely road. ~Okay,~ he says. ~Almost there.~^^"; 13: GameChapter = 4; SetQuip(0,7,0); "^^Keegan stops the car and turns off the engine. He turns to you. ~Time to take care of biz-ness.~^^"; } ], has light; Object -> Car "Car" with name "chevette" "car" "vehicle", with description "It's an old Chevette that has seen plenty of better days. The seats have fabric sticking out of them, the backseats are full of garbage and refuse. There's a tobacco spitter in the custom drink rack Keegan ~built~. You feel as if you can get a sexually transmitted disease just by looking at it.^", has scenery transparent container; ! Whoops. Just noticed that I should testscope for Keegan in the take thing. Object -> radio "radio" with name "radio" "sound system" "CD player" "car^s radio" "stereo" with description "The radio is actually worth more than the entire car. It is a technological marvel, capable of playing any media that the two of you can possible afford.^", before [; Listen: print "Keegan likes those bitter punk-pop bands that play songs less than two minutes in length. The band's name is usually an amalgam of two totally incompatible and incomprehensible concepts like Turk 10-24 or Red Wraith. Unfortunately, jerking with his stereo usually gets him pretty irked. On some longer journeys you've found that you've simply had to do it, though -- most of the discs he puts in are around thirty-five minutes long so there is a lot of repetition.^"; return; Take: "~Hey! Leave the goddamn thing alone, pigstroker!~ Keegan brushes your hand away.^"; ], has scenery; Object -> cd "disc" with name "cd" "disc" "compact disc" with description "It's in the actual CD player. You've heard this band before, however, and they are one of those bands that think they are ~the clever guys!!~ for not putting the names of the tracks on the disc itself. Amateurs.^", before [; Listen: print "Oh believe it, Avandre. You have no choice in *this* car.^"; Take: print "~Hey, I'm shifting here! Don't touch my fricking radio, you mert.~ Keegan knocks your hand away.^"; ], has scenery; object -> shifter "shifter" with name "shifter" "shift stick" "stick" "eight-ball" "ball", with description "Keegan's shifter is a mostly without note except that he replaced the original ball with a magic 8-ball. He occasionally asks it questions when he becomes lost.^", has scenery; Object -> Vial "vial" with name "vial" "vial of liquid" "horse tranquilizer" "horse tranq" "tranq" "fluid" "clear fluid" "unknown fluid", with description "This is an almost-empty bottle of clear fluid. You've previously seen it on Criswell's person.^", before [; Open: print "It can not be opened.^"; return; Smell: print "You smell nothing of note from the vial.^"; return; Take: if (TestScope(Keegan1)) { SetQuip(0,6,1); print "~Quit it, I gotta give that back to Criswell,~ says Keegan.^"; return; } else { print "There really isn't enough tranq in the thing to be a useful object. You decide to leave it here, after all, it belongs to Criswell.^"; return; } Taste: if (TestScope(Keegan1)) { print "~Don't do that,~ says Keegan. ~You wouldn't like it if you did that.~^"; return; } else print "Tastes suspiciously like horse tranquilizer!^"; return; ], has transparent scenery container; ! The "congratulations! you have found a bug" bit is from the programming language LOGO. My brother Mike gave me the ! inspiration for the depiction of a man's spitter. Object -> Spitter "spitter" with name "spitter" "container" "bottle" "tobacco", with description "This is where Keegan deposits his spit after dipping a li'l bit of chew between the cheek and gum. It's absolutely disgusting.^", before [; Open: "You don't want to go anywhere near that spitter, much less open it.^"; Smell: "Congratulations! You have found a bug! And about thirty other disgusting things floating around in there.^"; Take: if (TestScope(Keegan1)) {"~Hey! Don't bogart my spitter!~ says Keegan.^^ ~Christ, dude,~ you reply. ~It's not the fucking Hope Diamond.~ You leave the spitter be.^"; } else {print "Keegan's spitter is absolutely disgusting and full of mutant germs. You decide to leave it alone for your own health.^"; return; } Taste: "You finished being the grossest fuck in town yet?^"; ] has transparent scenery container; Object -> Altoids "altoids" with name "altoids" "altoid" "breath mints" "mints" "candies" "candy", with initial "There are some altoids scattered about here", with description "A bunch of half-sucked-on yet still curiously strong mints.^", after [; Take: give self ~concealed; "You round up the altoids and take them."; Eat: remove altoids; print "You swallow the altoids. Almost immediately you regret it. How can something so cool and fresh create such awful heartburn?^"; return; ], has pluralname edible concealed; Object -> Condom "used condom" with name "condom" "rubber" "trojan" "fireman^s hat" with description "It's a just a used condom. You'd have hundreds of them yourself except you generally throw them away.^", before [; ! Did anyone try this? I tried to keep things gruesome. Eat: print "~Cum, cum, I must have cum!!~ you exclaim. You greedily suck out Keegan's man-sauce from the used trojan.^^"; if ((TestScope(Keegan1)) && (Player in InCar)) { print"~Jesus fucking Christ, dude!~ Keegan looks over at you, extremely disgusted. ~What the fuck are you doing? Why the fuck do you have to turn a simple ride into a hot and gay affair? Um, how do I put this? Quit eating my fucking rubbers!!~ Keegan's not very happy at the moment.^"; return; } if ((TestScope(Keegan1)) && (Player notin InCar)) { print"~What the fuck are you doing? I had no idea you were such a gackburglar. Hey -- ~ says Keegan, ~see if you can make that a custom class next time you're playing Katanafall. The Gackburglar would obviously have a maximum charisma of zero.~^"; return; } ], after [; Take: give self ~concealed; "You pocket the used condom."; ], has concealed edible; Object -> floor "floor" with name "floor" "floorboards" "hole", with description "Yeah, the floor of the car under the driver's seat has rusted through. It lends to the impression that the car can be started by simply sticking one's feet in the hole and and running real fast.^" has scenery; Object -> window "window" with name "window" "windows", with description [; if(TestScope(Keegan1)) { print "The windows are actually rather clean where the gooey tint isn't coming off them. Keegan notices you checking them out. ~Yeah, gotta keep 'em clean so I can check out the honeys, you know?~^"; } else print "The windows are actually rather clean, mostly because it provides for a clear path to check out girls.^"; ], has transparent scenery; ! As seen in my brother Mike's car, the "Hooded Viper". Mike used to own a Regal that had the fabrice come off the top of it. When air would get ! underneath it, it would cause the thing to inflate. He was eating lunch at Brockport State and heard some people talking about a ! car they called "The Hooded Viper." He then slowly realized with horror that they were talking exactly about *his* car. Apparently ! his car was a campus legend and he had previously no idea. Anyway. It was filled with soiled newspapers. Object -> newspapers "newspapers" with name "newspaper" "newspapers" "news" "papers" "paper" "old", with description "Mostly the sports sections of the Fort's local paper, with the occasional slime-encrusted Page Three girl. Some of them are quite old, for instance you learn in one that they are no longer playing football with leather helmets.^", before [; take: print "There are too many newspapers and all rotting, disgusting and stinky.^"; return; smell: print "They kind of smell like gack, newsprint and filth. Sort of like Keegan sometimes.^"; return; ], has pluralname, has scenery; Object -> cupholder "cup holder" with name "cup" "holder", with description "It sometimes keeps Keegan's tobacco spitter from spilling all over the interior of the Chevette.^", has scenery; Object -> pagethreegirl "page three girl" with name "page" "three" "girl", with description "You'd do her.^", has scenery; ! Avandre's weapon. I wish I didn't destroy it in this game. Object -> shovel "silvery shovel" with name "silvery" "shovel", initial "Your shovel is buried underneath a ton of crap in Keegan's backseat.", with description "Your most valued possession, the shovel, has sometimes been your only true companion since given to you for your thirteenth birthday. Your uncle presented it to you not so much to kindle your interest in this Most Honourable Trade as he did to irk your father. (No matter.) It's inscribed simply with your name, ~Avandre Varick.~ The shaft was hand-crafted from a rather expensive cherry and continues to give off a lovely aroma (seemingly impervious to close contact with endless rotting cadavers and maggot colonies). The blade of the shovel is very warm and friendly to peer into. It seems to be made of silver or chromium but is much, much harder.^", Before [; Smell: "The silvery shovel smells strongly of freshly cut cherry."; Taste: "The shovel makes the top ten list of things in the game you'd rather not taste."; ], After [; Take: "Ah! It feels good to once again have your shovel in your possession."; Drop: "You drop the shovel."; ]; ! "There's just too much... STUFF" a nod, of course, to m'main man Pinback and F209. Object -> crap "crap" with name "crap" "garbage" "debris" "junk" "stuff", with description "Yeah, Keegan's got a lot of junk back here. It's almost as if the local disposal company is using the Chevette as a sort of time-share.^", before [; search : print "There's just too much... STUFF.^"; return; take: print "You can't take the junk, collectively, as a whole. There's just too much of it.^"; return; ], has scenery; Object -> Spring "spring" with name "spring", with description "It's a spring from Keegan's backseat.^", before [; vault: "You attempt to jump on the spring, but there's very little surface area to get much height.^"; ], has supporter concealed; Object -> Backseat "the backseat of Keegan's car" with name "backseat" "cushion" "back seat" "seat", with initial "You notice that Keegan's backseat can probably be removed.", with description "This is the backseat to Keegan's Chevette. You presume he wasn't kidding when he said he's had enough sex back there to ruin it.^", before [; vault: "The backseat isn't springy enough to really jump on it and get much height.^"; smell: "It smells like a cross between sex and death.^"; take : if ( (TestScope(Keegan1)) && (Player in (InCar)) ) { print "^Keegan interjects. ~Hey assjack, you mind not ripping the living shit out of my car while I'm here to watch you? Fucking vandal.~^"; return; } else if ( (Player in (InCar)) && ((spring has concealed) && (spring in Incar))) { give spring ~concealed; move backseat to Player; print "You rip out the backseat of his car and carry it with you. Doing so reveals a single functional spring.^"; return; } else { move backseat to Player; print "You take the backseat to Keegan's car.^"; return; } ], has concealed proper; Object Fence "fence" with name "fence" "spiked" with description "It is a spiked, fanged fence about fifteen feet high.^", found_in Iron_Gate East_Grave West_Grave Outside_Shed Cemetery1 Cemetery2 Clearing, before [; vault: <>; climb: print "It's too high, too sharp and too nasty.^"; return; attack: print "Attacking inanimate objects is a impending sign of mental collapse.^"; return; touch: print "Well, you discover it's not electric. No-one comes by with a mensa application.^"; return; taste: print "You stick your tongue out on the fence. You don't get shocked, but you do get the rusty taste of iron in your mouth.^"; return; smell: print "Smells like rust.^"; return; push: print "It wouldn't be much of a fence if you could push it down, now would it?^"; ], has scenery; Object Outside_Chevette "Outside the Graveyard" with description "Keegan parked the car just where the gravel road ends and dirt road starts. The beginnings of a copse that eventually leads to the graveyard is north while overgrowth and tumbleweed surround you on all other sides.^", n_to [; if (lumber has concealed) { move Keegan1 to Dark_Copse; return (Dark_Copse); } else { move Keegan1 to Iron_Gate; return (Dark_Copse); } ], s_to [; if (TestScope(Keegan1)) { print "Keegan looks visibly annoyed. ~Get the fuck back here, man. Goddamn lazy trotting krip.~^"; return; } else { print "You can't get back on the highway yet.^"; return;} ], in_to InCar, cant_go [; print "Overgrown weeds prevent meaningful progress in that direction.^"; SmartCantGo2();], has light; Object -> Car2 "Keegan's car" with name "car" "chevette" "automobile" "keegan^s car", with description "Keegan's car is kind of a beat up old Chevette.^", before [; enter: PlayerTo(InCar); ], has scenery; ! I have no idea what a copse is. But they were in Knight Orc. Object Dark_Copse "Dark Copse" with description "You are just within a dark copse. Keegan's car leads to the south. To the north is an iron gate.^", s_to [; if (lumber has concealed) { move Keegan1 to Outside_Chevette; return (Outside_Chevette); } else { return (Outside_Chevette); } ], n_to [; if (lumber has concealed) { move Keegan1 to Iron_Gate; return (Iron_Gate); } else { SetQuip(0,15,1); return (Iron_Gate); } ], cant_go [; SmartCantGo(); ], has light; Object Iron_Gate "Before the Iron Gate" with description "A formidable iron gate lays ahead to the north. It continues in both a western and eastern direction. A dark copse leads about thirty yards to the south.^", s_to [; if (lumber has concealed) { move Keegan1 to Dark_Copse; return Dark_Copse; } else { SetQuip(0,14,0); return Dark_Copse; } ], e_to [; move Keegan1 to East_Grave; return (East_Grave); ], ne_to [; move Keegan1 to East_Grave; return (East_Grave); ], w_to West_Grave, nw_to West_Grave, n_to [; print "The fence prevents passage in that direction. "; SmartCantGo2(); return; ], cant_go [; SmartCantGo(); ], has light; Object -> Gate "gate" with name "gate" "iron gate" "iron", with description [; SetQuip(0,13,1); print "The gate would seem to open toward you, except that it is currently locked. It looks like it would take a fairly large-sized key to get it open.^"; return; ], has scenery; Object -> Keyhole "keyhole" with name "keyhole" "lock" "padlock", with description "Upon closer inspection, it seems as if someone has placed a very large wad of pink chewing gum in the keyhole. It's still sticky which means it was probably recently.^", has scenery; Object key "key" with name "key", with description "Since no-one has the key, the only way to see this is through text-dump. I had to put a key here, otherwise you'd get an I don't know the word key message in the game and that would be bad. Anyway. Right now the Saints are 2-7 and have Jacksonville on the road tomorrow night. Jax put up six points last week against the Ravens. SIX POINTS. Six more than the dog that fetches our tees. Awful. Prediction? Saints 31, Jax 7. Pray for it, motherfucker.", has scenery; Object East_Grave "East of the Graveyard" with description "Thick, fanged fencing surrounds the cemetery to the north.^", n_to "The fence prevents you from going in that direction.", w_to [; if (lumber has concealed) { move Keegan1 to Iron_Gate; return Iron_Gate; } else { return Iron_Gate; } ], sw_to [; if (lumber has concealed) { move Keegan1 to Iron_Gate; return Iron_Gate; } else { return Iron_Gate; } ], has light; Object -> DeadGuard "guard" with name "guard" "security" "man" "guy" "dude" "dead person" "body" "piece" "piece of guard" "dead guard" "dead" "chunks", charnumber 900, with initial [; if (self has guardwhole ) print "You can see a motionless cemetery guard here, slumped against the fence.^"; else print "Chunks of a cemetery guard lie scattered about the eastern fence.^"; ], with description [; if (self has guardwhole) { SetQuip(0,10,1); give self ~guardwhole; give lumber ~concealed; give gun ~concealed; print "Upon touching the guard for examination, he falls apart in several different sliced pieces! Scraps of his head separate, squirting blood everywhere. His midsection undoes like finely sliced salami. You are able to determine that he was in his late forties, about six-foot tall and approximately two-hundred thirty pounds. You see that he was carrying a stray piece of lumber with him and a gun. Upon examination, the gun seems to have no more shots left in it.^"; } else print "Let the dead rest in pieces.^"; ], before [; take, smell, listen, kiss, attack: if (self has guardwhole) { SetQuip(0,14,1); give self ~guardwhole; give lumber ~concealed; give gun ~concealed; print "Upon messing with the guard, he falls apart in several different sliced pieces! Scraps of his head separate, squirting blood everywhere. His midsection undoes like finely sliced salami. You are able to determine that he was in his late forties, about six-foot tall and approximately two-hundred thirty pounds. You see that he was carrying a stray piece of lumber with him. Upon examination, it appears as if he had fired all the shots in his weapon.^"; return; } kick: if ((self has guardwhole) && TestScope(Keegan1)) { give self ~guardwhole; give lumber ~concealed; give gun ~concealed; ! I would have to say that this is my favorite psuedo-scene in the game. 99.9% of what I write doesn't make me, personally, ! laugh or anything, but I have to admit to at least chuckling everytime I read this section. Heh. Just the concept of those ! two retards coming across a body and attempting to placekick it. print "You come up to it and take three steps back and two to the left. Keegan assumes a placeholder's stance and puts his index finger on the guard's motionless body. He says 'hike!' and you come up and kick the guy, as if you were trying for a 64 yard field goal.^^ Doing so reveals that the guard had been previously sliced into several pieces. Scraps of his head bounce against the fence. Blood squirts everywhere, covering the ground like a bucket of spilt crimson paint. The kicking also reveals a stray piece of lumber and gun that the guard had been carrying while alive.^"; return; } if (self has guardwhole) { give self ~guardwhole; give lumber ~concealed; give gun ~concealed; print "You come up to the guard and kick him. He doesn't stir, but he does fall apart in several, finely sliced pieces. His shredded flesh breaks away and blood spews like a hot geyser. Something had previously done a number on him. A glock and stray piece of lumber scatter about, now free from his grasp.^"; return; } else print "Let the dead rest in pieces.^"; return; ], has male animate guardwhole; Object -> lumber "piece of lumber" with name "lumber" "board" "stick" "two by four" "wood" "piece" with description [; if (lumber has concealed) { give lumber ~concealed; give backseat ~concealed; print "It seems to be a rather sturdy two-by-four section of wood.^^ Keegan pipes up with a comment. ~Hey, I've got an idea how to get around that gate. Go back to the car and see if you can find anything useful, willya? I'll meet you back at the gate.~^"; } else print "This seems to be a rather sturdy two-by-four section of wood.^"; ], before [; take: move lumber to player; give backseat ~concealed; if (lumber has concealed) { give lumber ~concealed; } if ( (TestScope (backseat)) && (TestScope (Keegan1)) ) { if (cluefirst == 0) { print " Keegan says, ~Are you thinking what I'm thinking regarding the backseat and the board?~^"; return; } else { print "You take the stray piece of lumber.^"; return; } } else { if (cluefirst == 0) { cluefirst = 1; print "Keegan pipes up with a comment. ~Hey, see if you can find anything worthwhile in my car, willya? I may have a plan for getting over that fence.~^"; return; } else { print "Taken.^"; return; } }; smell: print "Smells like freshly cut cedar."; return; taste: print "Tastes like something extremely wooden."; return; vault: <>; ], has concealed; ! Somebody said the description didn't help ID the gun. "A fine hand gun"? What else can I say? Object -> gun "glock" with name "gun" "revolver" "piece" "glock" "firearm" "weapon", with description "Looks like the kind of glock you used to see everyday while growing up. A fine hand gun for settling most urban disputes quickly and messily.^", before [; shoot: if (TestScope (Keegan1)) { print "Keegan says, ~Where do you find the time to play cowboys and fucking indians, anyway?~^^ There are no more bullets left in the gun.^"; } else print "Click.^"; return; smell: print "It smells as though it has been fired recently.^"; return; taste: if (TestScope (Keegan1)) { print "^Keegan says, ~Easy there, Freddie.~^"; return; } else print "You put the gun in your mouth. No doubt Mr. and Mrs. Varick's proudest moment as parents."; return; ], has concealed; ! I purposely make my game align to the north. I hate having to make maps, so I try to make it easier for my players. Object West_Grave "West of the Graveyard" with description "Thick, fanged fencing surrounds the cemetery to the north.^", e_to Iron_Gate, n_to "The fence prevents you from going in that direction.", cant_go [; print "Heavy growth prevents further travel in that direction."; SmartCantGo2(); return; ], has light; Object Outside_Shed "Outside the Shed" with description [; if (TestScope(Shed)) { "Before you is a small potter's shed. It is made of a dank, grayish brick and reeks of decomposing flesh. Mud and filth climb the walls toward a single, centered window obscured by cobwebs. More tombstones lead to the north, while the fence prevents further passage east. ^"; } else print "You are in a clearing where a shed used to be. There is now only a black mist that permeates the air. More tombstones lead to the north and west, while the fence prevents further passage east.^"; ], before [; smell: print "It smells like something died around here recently."; return; ], n_to [; if (keegandead == 0) { move Keegan1 to Cemetery2; return(Cemetery2); } else return(Cemetery2); ], ne_to [; if (keegandead == 0) { move Keegan1 to Cemetery2; return(Cemetery2); } else return (Cemetery2); ], w_to [; if (keegandead == 0) { move Keegan1 to Cemetery1; return(Cemetery1); } else return (Cemetery2); ], in_to "You can't enter the shed.", cant_go [; print "The fence prevents movement in that direction."; SmartCantGo2();], each_turn [; StartDaemon (self); ], number 0, daemon [; if (lastshayne in Cemetery2) {switch (++(self.number)) { 1: move abomination to Outside_Shed; "^^You suddenly hear a loud crash and a hollow, raspy scream! Something is emerging from the shed!^"; 2: "^^The abomination wails a ghastly cry toward the moon. It spies you and begins to shamble toward you.^"; 3: remove abomination; remove Shed; SetQuip(0,17,1); move DeadShed to Outside_Shed; "^^There is a strong odor of smoke and then a white flash. Instantly, the abomination and shed are vaporized into a black mist.^"; } } ], has light; Object -> AwayTombstones "tombstones" with name "tombstones" "tombstone" "markers" "marker" "cross" "crosses", with description "You can't really get a good look at them from here.^", before [; Take: "They are too far away to pilfer.^"; ], found_in Outside_Shed Clearing Shadowy_Sculpture, has scenery; Object -> Window2 "cobwebby window" with name "large window" "window" "windows", with description "The cobwebby window is filthy, musty and opaque due to the deep layer of cobwebs.^", before [; Take: "You can't take the cobwebby window."; Attack: "You nearly hurt yourself trying to break the cobwebby window. It's too strong to smash yourself."; Smell: "The cobwebby window has moved past your grunders and Jalene's snatch on your all-time list of worst scents."; ], has scenery; Object -> Shed "shed" with name "shed" "building" "room" with description "This is a kind of run-down wooden shack, almost nauseating in its rotted stench.^", before [; attack: print "You can't kill the shed!"; return; smell: print "The shed smells like burnt, rotting flesh."; ], has scenery; Object Abomination "ghastly abomination" with name "abomination" "creature" "monster" "thing" "figure" "ghast" "zombie" "ghastly abomination", charnumber 800, with description "It is a rancid spawn of hell, with rotting, scabby flesh that hangs off it in loose strands. It bleeds profusely with any sort of strenuous movement and cries continually due to its constant pain. It is strangely muscled and has sharp, blue bugeyes.^", before [; attack: print "^You attempt to attack the abomination, but it quickly strikes and sends you flying away!^"; return; kiss: print "^How fucking hard up are you, Avandre?^"; return; smell: print "^It done stank!^"; return; ], has animate, with life; Object -> DeadShed "remains of shed" with name "shed" "building" "remains" "embers" "room" with description "Only a fine, black mist remains of the shed.^", has scenery; Object Cemetery1 "Cemetery" with description [; if (TestScope(Keegan1)) { print " You are within the St. Peter Memorial Cemetery. It is within a well-maintained grassy field and there are several immaculate tombstones located about. To the east appears to be some type of shed, while a large, stone sculpture dominates the scenery in the opposite direction.^^ You realize that you two are not alone! There is a woman clad in black to the west.^"; } else { print "You are within the St. Peter Memorial Cemetery. It is has turned out to be a filthy, dank night. Rain has left the tombstones rather slick and the ground a muddy mess.^"; } ], each_turn [; StartDaemon (self); ], number 0, daemon [; switch (++(self.number)) { 1: print "^^Keegan performs the same maneuver you did, and jumps over the fence.^^ ~I guess there was a little bounce still left in that one spring, huh Van?~^"; if (Player in location) { move Keegan1 to location; } } ], e_to [; if (keegandead == 0) { SetQuip(0,16,0); move Keegan1 to Outside_Shed; return(Outside_Shed); } else return(Outside_Shed); ], ne_to [; if (keegandead == 0) { SetQuip(0,16,0); move Keegan1 to Outside_Shed; return(Outside_Shed); } else return(Outside_Shed); ], n_to [; if (keegandead == 0) { SetQuip(0,16,0); move Keegan1 to Clearing; return(Clearing); } else return(Outside_Shed); ], nw_to [; if (keegandead == 0) { SetQuip(0,16,0); move Keegan1 to Clearing; return(Clearing); } else return(Outside_Shed); ], w_to [; if (knivesthrown == 0) { SetQuip(0,16,1); knivesthrown = 1; print"^ As you attempt to go toward the western section of the graveyard, you see a woman look up and notice your approach. She chants something in tongues and unleashes a series of burning knives! You duck and narrowly miss them.^"; return; } else { print "The woman stops from her study and gives you her attention once again. You get a little closer to her, but her aim is much better this time. She somehow unleashes a series of knives at you that slice you into several neat, crisp pieces. It takes a few moments before the oxygen leaves your brain...^^ The last thing you remember is the deep aroma of thick, stagnant smoke.^^ You are drawn from your oblivion by a force you do not, in death, understand. Throughout the years you discern that you have been raised, somehow, by this woman and she wields an unholy power over you. You are instructed to guard a deep, subterranean lair and spend seemingly eons doing nothing but this. You obey to the best of your ability, never seeking nor desiring anything more.^^"; deadflag = 999; return; } ], cant_go [; print "The cemetery fence prevents movement in that direction. "; SmartCantGo2();], has light; Object -> Tombstones "tombstones" with name "tombstones" "cross" "crosses" "tombstone" "marker" "grave marker", with description "The tombstones mark the final resting place of many denizens of the Fort and the surrounding area. No name seems to ring a bell from this vantage point.^", before [; take: print "You're not strong enough to get a tombstone out of the ground.^"; return; ! Someday, "WTFMAN" will be my vanity license plate. kiss: print "wtfman?^"; return; smell: print "Smells like... death.^"; return; touch: print "Feels like... death.^"; return; ], found_in Cemetery1 Cemetery2, has scenery pluralname; Object Cemetery2 "Cemetery" with description "You are within the northeastern corner of the graveyard, downhill from where you arrived. Small, white crosses form rows of remembrance alongside weather-beaten stone markers. Approximately fifty yards west is a clearing.^", each_turn [; StartDaemon (self); ], number 0, daemon [; switch (++(self.number)) { 1: if (TestScope(lastshayne)){ print "^The shitwank looks up from the grave he was digging up and draws his weapon. ~Do not fucking move! Not so much as a single inch, or I will fucking kill you? Do you understand me? I will fucking disintegrate both of your sorry asses!~^";} 2: if (TestScope(lastshayne)) { remove(Keegan1); keegandead = 1; print "^The shitwank attempts to fire his weapon at you. However, as it appears obvious that he is about to pull the trigger you are violently pushed onto the ground by Keegan. As the energy and flash consume him, you hear a shriek which is suddenly and cruelly cut off. ^^ You try to comprehend what just happened and face Keegan's killer. ~You are going to fucking die! Do you understand me? I will fucking bury you, here and now!~^"; } 3: if (TestScope(lastshayne)) { print "^The guy seems to be having some trouble loading his weapon.^"; } 4: if (TestScope(lastshayne)) { print "^The shitwank is rushing to fix his gun.^"; } 5: if (TestScope(lastshayne)) { print "^The shitwank aims his weapon at you and pulls the trigger. However, you're able to roll out of the way of the flash. He curses and attempts to target you again.^"; } 6: if (TestScope(lastshayne)) { print "^You see a flash of blinding white before being instantly vaporized by the weapon.^^ Unfortunately, you are not the last denizen of the Fort to be disintegrated that way in the next several days.^^"; deadflag = 999; } } ], s_to [; if (TestScope(lastshayne)) { deadflag = 999; print "~I told you not to fucking move, asshole!~ He fires his weapon at you and disintegrates you as you attempt to escape."; return; } else return (Outside_Shed); ], sw_to [; if (TestScope(lastshayne)) { print "^~You fucking piece of shit! I will fucking ruin you!~ The shitwank attempts to disintegrate you with his weapon but misses. You are unable to get away, however.^"; return; } else return (Cemetery1); ], w_to [; if (TestScope(lastshayne)) { deadflag = 999; print "^~Did you fucking think I was kidding around, shithole?~ He fires his weapon at you and disintegrates you.^^ Unfortunately, you are not the last denizen of the Fort to be slain in the upcoming months....^^"; return; } else return (Clearing); ], cant_go [; print "The fence prevents movement in that direction."; SmartCantGo2();], has light; Object -> weapon "disintegrator" with name "weapon" "gun" "disintegrator" "raygun" "energy weapon" with description "The weapon is unlike any you've ever seen. It looks a bit like a bazooka, but with more flashing lights.^", has scenery; ! Added room exits to the description in version 2.0. I didn't think that would be a trouble, as the game is supposed to tell you ! where you can go. Object Clearing "Religious Clearing" with description "This is a section of the graveyard free from markers and crosses. Instead, a large circle has been formed through lifeless, water-starved brown grass. A mass of tombstones lead east and south while a marble gargoyle dominates the scene to the west.^", before [; Pray: if (haveprayed == 0) { haveprayed = 1; print "Your knees buckle and you fall to the ground. A sharp, stinging pain seems to drive itself through your brain. You spasm, and in your helpless state are overcome by a vision in black-and-white.^^ A dark enchantress (but without body or tangible form) seems to envelope your body. You hear a sickening laugh, possibly the sneer of a black widow about to feed or a praying mantis eagerly anticipating rapture. She fills you, drains you, all the while you are helpless to defend yourself. You feel every degree of heat leave your body, but remain in control of it.^"; return; } else { print "Nothing happens here."; return; } ], e_to [; if (keegandead == 0) { move keegan1 to cemetery2; return(cemetery2); } else return(cemetery2); ], w_to [; if (lastshayne in Cemetery2) { print "^You attempt to travel toward the sculpture when, without warning, a flash of white light whizzes by you! You turn and discern that someone is firing a weapon at you from the east!^"; return; } else print "You are able to crawl to the west without detection.^"; return (Shadowy_Sculpture); ], s_to [; if (TestScope(Keegan1)) { move Keegan1 to Cemetery1; return (Cemetery1); } else return(Cemetery1); ], sw_to [; if (TestScope(Keegan1)) { move Keegan1 to Cemetery1; return (Cemetery1); } else return(Cemetery1); ], se_to [; if (TestScope(Keegan1)) { move Keegan1 to Cemetery1; return (Cemetery1); } else return(Cemetery1); ], cant_go [; print "The fence prevents movement in that direction."; SmartCantGo2();], has light; Object Shadowy_Sculpture "Shadowy Sculpture" with description [; if (self hasnt visited) { halted = 1; print "You are at the western edge of the graveyard. A grotesque stone gargoyle dominates the scene, behind which is a black-clad woman. She appears to be consulting some sort of tome. You are almost upon her when she notices your approach.^^ ~Halt!~ she commands.^^ It seems as if she has locked you into place, and you are totally unable to move away!^"; } else {print "You are at the western edge of the graveyard. A grotesque stone gargoyle dominates the scene, behind which is a woman that has commanded you to remain still."; } ], before [; jump, take, attack, push, drink, buy, pushdir, taste, swing, wavehands, sing, blow, fill, burn, shoot: print "^You are unable to do so! It appears as if you no longer have control over your body and actions!^"; return; pray: print "^Nothing can help you now, Avandre.^"; listen: print "^You hear nothing of note.^"; think: print "^You think to yourself that there must be a way out of this... perhaps by laying on some charm...?^"; ], cant_go [; if (halted == 1) { print "You are unable to move in that direction.^"; return; } else { SmartCantGo(); return; } ], has light; Object -> Gargoyle "sculpture" with name "gargoyle" "sculpture" "shadowy sculpture" "statue" "marble statue" "marble" "mangled gargoyle", with description "It is an weathered, marble sculpture depicting a mangled gargoyle forever sneering with contempt.^", has scenery; Object -> book "book of dread" with name "book" "black book" "tome" "book of dread" "tome of evil" "novel", with description "The brunette was referring to passages in the black tome before your arrival. Physically, it is slightly larger than a similar black book you keep phone numbers in. Mystically, it presumably has some greater purpose.^", has scenery; ! OK, maybe -- just maybe -- this puzzle sucked. [ FenceJumpSub ; !have lumber on spring !backseat in player SetQuip(0,6,0); SetQuip(0,13,0); SetQuip(0,14,0);SetQuip(0,15,1); if ( (lumber in spring) && (backseat in player) ) { GameChapter = 5; print "You take a running start and proceed to vault off the board, hoping to make it over the fence. You manage to get pretty solid height when you realize you're about to come down straight on the fence's fanged stilettos! Luckily, you avoid getting your chest impaled by using Keegan's backseat as a sort of shield. You stick it out in front of you and it catches the fangs. You fall over the fence onto the other side.^^"; move backseat to bar; Playerto (Cemetery1); } else if ( (lumber in spring) && (backseat notin player) ) { print "You walk back a few paces and prepare to vault over the fence using the board and the spring. You come running like a madman at it and jump at the end of the lumber as if it were a diving board. As you fly through the air, you realize that you are headed straight for the thick fangs of the fence! You vainly try to throw your arms out to act as a type of shield but fail badly and are impaled upon the fence. ^^ You lay there, wheezing, trying desperately to communicate your last thoughts to Keegan. He tries to understand what you're saying. The last thing you remember before dying is someone chortling, the smell of smoke and a bright white flash.^^"; deadflag = 999; } else { print "You did not clear the fence.^^"; } ]; [BlurSub i; print"^^[Please press SPACE to continue]^"; do {@read_char 1 0 0 i; } until (i==32 or 10 or 13); print" ^^ After finishing up at the graveyard, you started to get an idea of what actually went down. The girl's ability to throw about little knives was really nothing more than a little gun that threw flechettes and shrapnel. You got yourself over to the clinic in order to find out what the paralysis was all about. It took a while for them to get the idea that for once you weren't interested in an STD screening, but eventually they got the message. The lab tech told you that a simple chemical had been injected into your system, causing you to freeze up. He had no explanation when you informed him that it was only effective for a few minutes. He indicated that it should have kept you still for a couple hours and shouldn't have allowed you to stand up. In actuality, he was unable to answer a lot of your questions about what went down -- probably graduated from a state college. You had pretty much decided that the girl and her cult simply differed from the average group of brainwashing bunkies through invention... and their belief that any advanced technology, properly presented, can come off as magic to the uninformed.^^ Or something. ^^ There remained, still, a task to complete. Keegan's parents had no idea what happened to him. He was certainly closer to his family then you ever were with yours and you didn't want them to find out on the news or in the paper or from the resounding scuttlebutt that would eventually reach them. ^^ The weather had turned so miserable and dank. The air was chill, yet stagnant. You hadn't noticed it before, but it was the time of year when all the leaves had fallen from the trees. They lay on the ground, all crunchy and brown, just rotting away. The branches always reminded you of the outline of various creepy crawlers or spiders and the sky seemed to quickly turn to indigo in the evening. You got there just as the sun was about to set."; print " ^^ Keegan's dad -- Henry Keegan -- answered the door. You had never gotten along particularly well with him; you were always under the impression that he considered you kind of a slacker or fruit. You had no idea how to begin, so you simply stated that Keegan died the previous night in an attack at the graveyard you had been assigned to. He didn't so much as flinch when you told him, his face completely expressionless. He simply nodded and proceeded to shut the door. You had no idea what to make of that, but you knew from his descriptions of his father that he was a proud, quiet man, unwilling to show any emotion around his children whatsoever. You paused for a second after the door shut and reflected on how you told him. ^^ You went down the steps toward your car. You remember hearing sobbing and shrieking as you got to the third step -- it was Keegan's mother, hysterically crying and saying ~Daniel, Daniel, my baby~ over and over again. It hurt. It just hurt to the soul. ^^ As you were about to get in your car you noticed his five-year-old little brother quietly playing with some cheap plastic cars. He vroomed them about the sidewalk. You sat down next to him. ^^ ~Hey, Blur,~ you whispered. The kid's name was Derrick but everyone called him Blur because the little tyke ran around so much and almost never tired out. ^^ ~Daniel's dead,~ he said plainly. ^^ ~What?~ You were a little taken by that. ~How the -- how on earth do you know that?~ ^^ Blur was still intently playing with his matchbox cars. ~Mommy cried like that when grandpa went with the angels.~ ^^ ~Yeah,~ you said. There wasn't a whole lot you could say. ^^ ~Only I didn't see no angels. They never came. It wasn't like in church or nothin'. Tommy Caffrey told me in kid-ner-garden that people say people go to angels when they are dead. They don't never come back and you never see them again and they're dead.~ ^^ Blur seemed to have the cars going about an oval on the square piece of sidewalk he was interested in. ^^ ~Keeg -- er, Daniel died helping me. The woman that had him shot was really, really bad and was about to do evil things to the city, the Fort. She -- ~ at this point Blur cut you off. ^^ ~I know why she picked n' liked you. It's what Daniel always used to say. He said it over an' over and over. We used to play cars and nerf ball and he would talk to me about grownups and stuff and girls and what they're like and stuff.~ He stopped, suddenly. ^^ You didn't say a word. Blur turned up from his little race for the first time and gave you the most hateful stare you'd ever seen in your life. He sneered viciously. ^^ ~She picked you because chicks dig jerks.~ "; deadflag = 999; ]; !Routines [ DeathMessage; switch (deadflag) { 999: print "End of session."; } ]; [ResetChix; SetQuip(5,0,1); SetQuip(5,1,1); SetQuip(5,2,1); SetQuip(5,3,1);SetQuip(5,4,0); SetQuip(5,5,0); SetQuip(5,6,0); SetQuip(5,7,0); SetQuip(5,8,0); SetQuip(5,9,0); SetQuip(6,0,1); SetQuip(6,1,1); SetQuip(6,2,1); SetQuip(6,3,1); SetQuip(6,4,0); SetQuip(6,5,0); SetQuip(6,6,0); SetQuip(6,7,0); SetQuip(6,8,0); SetQuip(6,9,0); SetQuip(6,10,0); SetQuip(6,11,0);SetQuip(6,12,0); SetQuip(6,13,0); SetQuip(6,14,0); SetQuip(7,0,1); SetQuip(7,1,1); SetQuip(7,2,1); SetQuip(7,3,1); SetQuip(8,0,1); SetQuip(8,1,1); SetQuip(8,2,1); SetQuip(8,3,1);SetQuip(8,4,0); SetQuip(8,5,0); SetQuip(8,6,0); SetQuip(9,8,0); SetQuip(9,0,1); SetQuip(9,1,1); SetQuip(9,2,1); SetQuip(9,3,1);SetQuip(9,4,0); SetQuip(9,5,0); SetQuip(9,6,0); SetQuip(9,7,0);SetQuip(9,8,0); SetQuip(10,0,1); SetQuip(10,1,1); SetQuip(10,2,1); SetQuip(10,3,1);SetQuip(10,4,0); SetQuip(10,5,0); SetQuip(10,6,0); SetQuip(10,7,0);SetQuip(10,8,0); SetQuip(11,0,1); SetQuip(11,1,1); SetQuip(11,2,1); SetQuip(11,3,1);SetQuip(11,4,0); SetQuip(11,5,0); SetQuip(11,6,0); SetQuip(11,7,0);SetQuip(11,8,0);SetQuip(11,9,0); SetQuip(12,0,1); SetQuip(12,1,1); SetQuip(12,2,1); SetQuip(12,3,1);SetQuip(12,4,0); SetQuip(12,5,0); SetQuip(12,6,0); SetQuip(12,7,0);SetQuip(12,8,0);SetQuip(12,9,0); SetQuip(13,0,1); SetQuip(13,1,1); SetQuip(13,2,1); SetQuip(13,3,1); SetQuip(13,4,0); SetQuip(13,5,0); SetQuip(13,6,0); SetQuip(13,7,0); SetQuip(13,8,0); SetQuip(13,9,0); SetQuip(13,10,0); SetQuip(13,11,0); ]; [TitlePage i; @erase_window -1; print"^^^^^^^^^^^^^^"; i = 0->33; if (i==0) i=80; i=(i-50)/2; style bold; font off; spaces(i); style roman; print "^^"; spaces(i); print" [Please press SPACE to continue]^"; font on; box" WARNING" " " " There are absolutely no role models in this game. No one should " " emulate any of the actions of any of the characters you are about " " to meet. This game contains adult language and situations " " and is not intended for children. " " " " "; do {@read_char 1 0 0 i; } until (i==32 or 10 or 13); @erase_window -1; ]; [ GetDrinkSub; last_beer=beverage.create(); if(last_beer ~=0) move last_beer to Player; ]; [ GetDrink2Sub; !Used if not talking directly to the bartender !USE A CASE STATEMENT if (location == bar ) { print "You ask the bartender to get you a drink. He nods and goes to prepare one. A little while later he comes back with one and gives it to you. He puts it on your tab.^"; last_beer=beverage.create(); if(last_beer ~=0) move last_beer to Player; } else print "You need to be someplace where you buy drinks first.^"; ]; [ TalkSub x y z ok; ! Talking to yourself. [Avandre is 999.] if (noun.charnumber == 999) "Talking to yourself is said to be a sign of impending mental collapse.^"; if (noun.charnumber == 100) "It's much too loud to really talk to any girls here!^"; if (noun.charnumber == 200) "If you want to meet some more male friends then do it at a sports bar, not this meat market.^"; if (noun.charnumber == 900) "The guard steadfastly refuses to acknowledge your existence.^"; if (noun.charnumber == 800) "The ghastly abomination briefly pauses and then utters a low, baritone groan.^"; if (noun.charnumber == 700) "You don't talk to melvins, ~little buddies~ and squid.^"; ! Make sure you can't talk to non-animates if (noun hasnt animate) { "You can't talk to that!"; } ! Count up all the lines by previous characters. if (noun provides charnumber) { for (x=0: xx; } } ! Check to make sure you have something to say. for (x=y: xnoun.charnumber: x++) { if (QuipOn(noun.charnumber,x-y)) { ok++; } } ! Write contents to the screen if (ok > 0) { print "Please select one:^^"; ! List choices for Avandre for (x=y: xnoun.charnumber: x++) { if (QuipOn(noun.charnumber,x-y)) { z++; print "(", z, ") "; SayQ(noun.charnumber,x-y); } } ! Get the choice new_line; GetDial(z); if (selected ~= 0) { ok = 0; new_line; for (x=y: xnoun.charnumber: x++) { if (QuipOn(noun.charnumber,x-y)) { ok++; if (ok == selected) { Respond(noun.charnumber,x-y); } } } } rtrue; } "You really have nothing to say right now."; ]; [ GetDial max n; do { print "Select a choice or 0 to keep quiet. >> "; read buffer parse DrawStatusLine; n = TryNumber(1); } until ((n >= 0) && (n <= max)); if (n == 0) { print "^Eeeagh! Stage fright! Abort!^"; } selected = n; ]; [ SetQuip char line onoff x y z n; for (x=0: xx; } n = n + line; y = n / 8; z = n % 8; z = Power(2,z); if (onoff == 1) { qflag->y = qflag->y | z; } if (onoff == 0) { qflag->y = qflag->y & ~z; } ]; [ QuipOn char line x y z n; for (x=0: xx; } n = n + line; y = n / 8; z = n % 8; z = Power(2,z); if (qflag->y & z == z) { return(1); } return(0); ]; [ Power a b c sum; sum = a; if (b == 0) { return(1); } if (b == 1) { return(a); } for (c=0: c~Hey, where did Pang go, anyway?~^"; 1: print ">~What are your goals tonight, Keegan?~^"; 2: print ">~You still taking it in the face?~^"; 3: print ">~Anything interesting happen at work today?~^"; 4: print ">~What the hell was up with that crazed psycho?~^"; 5: print ">~How did your little brother stop you from eating all his pizza?~^"; 6: print ">~What's the deal with the vial of liquid?~^"; 7: print ">~So what the hell is new, anyway?~^"; 8: print ">~You ready to go?~^"; 9: print ">~What's the plan for tonight?~^"; 10:print ">~What do you suppose happened to that guard?~^"; 11:print ">~So what kind of world *do* you want to live in?~^"; 12:print ">~Dude, know where there's a phone?^"; 13: print ">~Drive your car through the gate.~^"; 14: print ">~Any ideas? There's no key.~^"; 15: print ">~Find anything on the other side?~^"; 16: print ">~'Sup with that ho over there?~^"; 17: print ">~What the fuck was that?^"; } 1: switch (line) {!Pang 0: print ">~What the hell took so long in there?~^"; 1: print ">~Christ, man, did you fall in?~^"; 2: print ">~Let's beat the crap out of these sleds, huh?~^"; 3: print ">~Did you hit any after-hours, dude?~^"; } 2: switch(line) {!Shayne 0: print ">~Sorry, what was that?~^"; 1: print ">~Lick 'em, Tom Thumb. I will fucking ruin you.~^"; 2: print ">~No, no problems whatsoever!~^"; 3: print ">~You! What the hell are you doing here?~^"; } 5: switch (line) {!Chick #5 -- frosty 0: print ">~What do you say we go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?~^"; 1: print ">~What's up, doll?~^"; 2: print ">~Hi. I'm Avandre Varick. My employer donates three dollars to botcholism research for every girl I talk to. Would you put your name and number on this certification list?~^"; 3: print ">~Hey there. You look great tonight. I had to talk to you.~^"; 4: print ">~What's wrong?~^"; 5: print ">~Need a drink?~^"; 6: print ">~Hey! That would almost qualify for a smile!~^"; 7: print ">~You really are a bitch, aren't you?~^"; 8: print ">~Do you let the guy do all the work?~^"; 9: print ">~Are you a 'take-charge' kinda girl, then?~^"; } 6: switch (line) {!Chick #6 -- horny 0: print ">~Hey, nice shoes. Wanna fuck?~^"; 1: print ">~That guy you've been looking for? He's here.~^"; 2: print ">~Welcome to the best part of your night, sweetheart.~^"; 4: print ">~I hear you do impressions, love?~^"; 5: print ">~I knew there was some attraction there.~^"; 6: print ">~You certainly seemed more like a kitten to me.~^"; 7: print ">~You'd make the perfect kept woman.~^"; 8: print ">~Tell me, then, what's your name?~^"; 9: print ">~I generally only say it to the girls I want to sleep with.~^"; 10: print ">~Well, there is a difference between sex and love, no?~^"; 11: print ">~Sex, love, really. What's the difference?~^"; 12: print ">~I need to go dance.~^"; 13: print ">~It's certainly been entertaining talking to you.~^"; 14: print ">~Are those tits fake?~^"; 3: print ">~So, What's your sign?^"; } 7: switch (line) {!Chick #7 -- confused 0: print ">~Hi, sexy.~^"; 1: print ">~Hi there, gorgeous.~^"; 2: print ">~Would you like to dance?~^"; 3: print ">~Is that a mirror in your pants?~^"; } 8: switch (line) {!Chick#8 -- bitch 0: print ">~You may not know it to look at me, but I'm wanted by the law. Are you wanted by anyone tonight?~^"; 1: print ">~You done talking to all those ambiguously gay queefs? 'Cos I don't want to interrupt you if you're in a chud groove.~^"; 4: ">~I knew you had a heart of gold.~^"; 5: ">~You look really pissed.~^"; 6: ">~Working with the public sucks.~^"; 7: ">~Maybe you didn't give your boy enough oral sex.~^"; 2: print ">~Hey, do you hold the career rushing record? Because you sure look like Sweetness.~^"; 3: print ">~Where are all the real sour bitches tonight?~^"; } 9: switch (line) {!Chick#9 -- brain 0: print ">~History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man. You know?~^"; 1: print ">~Hey, you. Do you always look this good?~^"; 4: print">~What brings you out here tonight?~^"; 5: print">~Well, we're dangerous men and don't want you to get hurt via association.~^"; 6: print">~Hoping to find some sweethearts, you know?~^"; 7: print">~I thought this was a kareoke bar.~^"; 2: print ">~I know you! Your picture kept coming up when I was researching that paper for Greatest Knockouts Of The Century!~^"; 3: print ">~You don't get out much, do you?~^"; 8: print">~We've got to book, actually.~^"; } 10:switch (line) {!Chick#10 -- milf 0: print ">~Can I buy you a drink?~^"; 1: print ">~I just had to tell you this -- you're the best looking girl I've ever seen here.~^"; 2: print ">~Hey, haha, nice outfit. It's not often you see a chick with that kind of taste.~^"; 3: print ">~So. In what way are *you* mentally insane?~^"; 4: print ">~I have experienced that once, yes.~^"; 5: print ">~I wouldn't think you are easy. Yet.~^"; 6: print ">~Really? What's its name?~^"; 7: print ">~Wow, you're so young! How did it happen?~^"; } 11: switch (line) {!Chick#11 -- friendly 0: print ">~You're the cute one tonight, aren't you?~^"; 1: print ">~Hi there, my name is Avandre -- this is my friend Keegan.~^"; 2: print ">~Sexy!! 'Sup?~^"; 3: print ">~The magic eight ball said to come talk to you.~^"; ! 4: print ">~So, what brings you out tonight?~^"; 5: print ">~Well, that was probably my friend Holly...~^"; 6: print ">~Hm, probably my girlfriend Jalene.~^"; 7: print ">~Let me as you this then: what do you do?~^"; 8: print ">~Yeah, I took some necromantic science classes.~^"; 9: print ">~I actually signed out of high school with an exciting new firm.~^"; 10: print ">~So what was yours?~^"; } 12: switch (line) {!Chick#12 -- amused 0: print ">~Hey is that a keg in your pants? 'Cos I'd love to tap that ass!~^"; 1: print ">~I'm Avandre; this is my friend Keegan. He just escaped from a mental hospital.~^"; 2: print ">~Can I tell you about what it's like to be a grave robber?~^"; 3: print ">~Will you clear some area for me to throw down my flattened cardboard box? I'm gonna start break dancing.~^"; } 13: switch (line) {!Chick#13 -- easy 0: print ">~Are you upset that Jimmy quit and Jody got married?~^"; 9: print ">~Do you play an instrument?~^"; 10:print ">~So what other bands do you like?~^"; 11:print ">~Do you have 'groupie' tendencies?~^"; 1: print ">~Do you dig guys with dreadlocks?~^"; 2: print ">~There's a seer by the bar saying that you'll give handjobs to the really cute guys. Is that true?~^"; 4:print ">~So, it's just a myth right?~^"; 5:print">~Yes.~^"; 6:print">~I was only kidding.~^"; 7:print">~I'll call you. Give me your number.~^"; 8:print">~Yeah, right.~^"; 3: print ">~You're not zorked, are you?~^"; } 14: switch (line) {!Criswell 0: print ">~The hell is up, m'man?~^"; 1: print ">~What did you do last night?~^"; 2: print ">~Why do you dye your hair, anyway?~^"; 3: print ">~Have you heard from that girl you were banging?~^"; } 16: switch (line) {!Evil Temptress 0: print ">~Who are you?~^"; 1: print ">~Why this town? Why now?~^"; 2: print ">~I'd sooner kiss a pig.~^"; 3: print ">~Doll, after one kiss you'll be calling me daddy and begging me to stay the night.~^"; } 17: switch (line) {!Bartender 0: print ">~I'd like to buy a beer.~^"; 1: print ">~I'd like a specific kind of beer.~^"; 2: print ">~You got any shots?~^"; 3: print ">~M'man. Can I use the phone?~^"; } 18: switch (line) {!Casey, the goth chick 1: print ">~What's up tonight, Cruella?~^"; 2: print ">~The goth look suits you.~^"; 3: print ">~Dungeons and Dragons called. They want their lich outfit back.~^"; 4: print ">~Why the rough week?~^"; 5: print ">~Well, at least you get the big room now.~^"; 6: print ">~A cult?~^"; 7: print ">~Let's say that jeeb is involved. Why would he come here?~^"; 8: print ">~What kind of things are going on here?~^"; 9: print ">Would you like to come back to my place? I've got a bottle of tequila and Showtime.~^"; 10:print ">~Would you like to get a table?~^"; } 19: switch (line) {! Holly, the real milf 0: print ">~I thought we were through?~^"; 1: print ">~I got your message, Holly.~^"; 2: print ">~Get lost, bitch.~^"; 3: print ">~Holly? It's Van. What's up?~^"; } } ]; [ Respond char line t ; t=random(0,1); while (t==lastr) t=random(0,1); lastt=t; switch (char) { 0: switch (line) { !Keegan 0: SetQuip(0,0,0); print "Keegan looks to the east. ~Pang tried to go to the bathroom like a light year ago. And I know that's a measurement of time, not distance. I don't know what the hell is taking him so long, there's almost no guys here. Unless he's hoping for a stall because he hates the trough-style urination which occurs in that filthy sinkhole. That could be it.~^^"; 1: SetQuip(0,1,0); print "~I'm just looking to talk to three girls. That's all I want. Well, three numbers, really. Three numbers would be good. And three hot girls, too. I need to restock my phone number supply. You know how I have that drain in the shower that is like a black hole? After losing my toothbrush, razor, soap, V.I.N.C.E.N.T and Old B.O.B. in it, an entire container of those acne pads fall in it. And now it's all backed up. I call a plumber to come by and fix it... I come home that day and he took half the phone numbers down off my corkboard. Who fricking *does* that? What world does that guy live in?~^^"; 2: SetQuip(0,2,0); print "~Ha. Haa ha. You still taking it in the kei?~^^"; 3: SetQuip(0,3,0); print "~Not a whole lot, really. Donovan and Criswell broke into a tomb and carried away a couple minks last night. I got a hold of some whacked-out maniac at the University who needs a job done. I think Pang just played Super Puzzle Hiro Rancher all night.~^^"; 4: SetQuip(0,4,0); print "~I have no idea. She was absolutely totally and completely bughouse nuts. Sometimes chicks get like that around here. Well, guys do as well, especially when they are suffering from 'roid rage. You can't predict their behavior either, it's just that it normally is manifested in a fury of rage, fists and violence rather than the kind of weak-wristed smacking that betty was giving us.~^^ ~Roid rage?~ you ask.^^ ~Yeah,~ says Keegan. ~You know, when a guy is so hooked on steroids that he loses all sense of right and wrong. They just freak out at random intervals. You can't predict those kinds of guys. And since, by definition, they are hopped up on something that affects their musculature they think that a greater terror has yet to walk the fricking earth. We had this guy that played linebacker when I was at University playing football. He pointed over to the direction of the kicker and punter and said, 'Hey coach -- how come those guys ain't gots t'pay attention?' and the coach looks right at him and says, 'Do they *look* like positional players?' The Wondersquid says, 'Nah. They look kinda small.' The coach then goes on to give the guy a ten-minute, profanity-laced tirade about the kicking game. Somewhere about minute nine the guy realizes the entire team is snickering at him and just goes totally mental. He thrashes the kicker and they have to call an ambulance. 'Roid rage.~^^"; 5: SetQuip(0,5,0); print "~It wasn't easy to get that kid away from his food. I was always coming down before it was ordered but after it was paid to make sure I got the toppings I wanted but without having to spend any money on it. One day we get this triple-cheese and pepperoni pie from the Pizza Zoo and he lets me have a slice or two. I tell him I'm going to *pound* the rest of it the instant he goes to kindergarten. He tells me in no uncertain terms that there will be hell to pay if this happens. Er, as best as a five-year-old can anyway. I ignore him.~^^ ~So what does this kid do? He takes the box out of the cupboard and proceeds to slather each fricking slice up against his penis. I mean, he drapes the pieces around his groin like he was in love with it for twenty years. After doing so he exclaims, 'There! That should be the end of that!' I will confess. I did not eat any.~^^ ~This was, of course, during Christmas when I was visiting home. I get up all groggy from sleep and shit the next day and see the old man happily munching away at something that looks suspiciously like day-old triple cheese from the Zoo. I see him gobble down a slice and ask -- innocent as hell, right? 'Is that Blur's pie from last night?' He cops major 'tude at me and answers with a snarl, 'Yeah. You gotta problem with that?' No, no problem whatsoever, sir. Eat up!~^^"; 6: SetQuip(0,6,0); print "Keegan stirs for a second. ~Uh, it's Criswell's horse tranquilizer.~ He stares intently at the road.^^ You reflect on this for a moment. ~Dude. What the hell are you doing with a bottle of horse tranquilizer, then? I mean, geez. You can't possibly be getting high off that or anything. And don't give me that chit about how you're keeping it just to make sure Criswell doesn't inject it.~^^ ~No, it's true!~ he retorts. ~Look, whattayou care anyway, Mr. Don't Drink, Don't Smoke. What do you do?~ You interrupt him. ~The hell are you talking about? I was downing drinks all last night.~^^ ~I didn't see you settle up with the bar when you left.~^^ ~Er, right. I kinda forgot in all the commotion. I guess I kinda did the drinking equivalent of the old 'chew and screw.'~^^ ~Great,~ says Keegan. Another place we'll probably get booted from. Quit giving me crap about the tranq. You never know when we might find ourselves attacked by a giant horse. Then you'll be thankful.~^^"; 7: SetQuip(0,7,0); print "Keegan shrugs, then lights up.^^ ~Oh! You know who I ran into the other day? Krista.~ He sees the puzzled look on your face. ~C'mon, you remember Krista. She was a friend of Jalene.~^^ Jalene. The first girl you ever fell in love with. The sexiest redhead you've ever seen on the face of the planet. Who now lives two continents away. She moved a couple years ago and the two of you have lost touch.^^ ~I don't remember her hanging out with any Krista,~ you say.^^ ~Yeah, yeah you do. She was from the east coast. Had that accent -- always turned her R's into 'AHs'. She'd always say, 'I want some smah-ties! I am looking to date a guy named MAH-tin!!' Well, anyway, I ran into her the other day.^^ ~Where?~^^ ~I'd rather not get into that.~^^ ~Don't give me that shit. Where the hell where you that you ran into Jalene's allegedly existing posse? I don't yet believe they exist, so you'd better provide some scenery.~^^ ~I was at the florist.~^^ ~Nothing wrong with going to the florist,~ you say. You give it about a four-second pause before interjecting. ~The FLORIST? What the hell is wrong with you? No -- scratch that. Please, tell me what's *right* with you. You haven't had a date in a lightyear and I know that's a measure of time, not distance. So it wasn't for some chick. You didn't end up going to some teenagers's prom, did you? Please. Elucidate your thoughts.~^^ ~I was taking Blur there. He had a project for school. Or something. He had to grow a rubber plant.~^^ ~Nice use of the 'little brother excuse,'~ you say.^^ ~Thanks. Anyway, Speaking of rubber plants, I got an update on Jalene from her. She actually had an abortion two weeks ago.~^^ Stunned silence.^^ ~It wasn't one of MINE, is it?~^^ ~No, dude, no... some guy she met after she moved. The trojan broke or something. Besides, I'm pretty sure that only elephants have like a thirty-month gestation period.~^^ ~Yeah. That's a pretty good point. But hell, for all I know she kept some of the swimmies in a magic jar somewhere.~^^ ~Um,~ says Keegan. ~I find the direction you are steering this conversation demented and frightening. Let's just listen to the radio.~^^"; 8: SetQuip(0,8,0); SetQuip(0,7,1); print "~Yeah, let's get the hell out of here. It's about a two-hour drive. I'll drive.~^^ You follow Keegan out and get into his Chevette.^^"; move Keegan1 to InCar; give Keegan1 scenery; GameChapter = 3; PlayerTo(InCar); 9: SetQuip(0,9,0); print "~Yeah, I just got voice-mail on what's going down tonight. A dead geezer by the name of Stella DeBartelo was buried the other night at the St. Peter Memorial. Apparently she was buried in a fur coat along with some other valuables like gems and such. Details on exactly what she had on her was kinda sketchy. Anyway, The Pete is pretty easy to get into so the worst part should be the drive itself.~^^"; 10:SetQuip(0,10,0); SetQuip(0,11,1); print "~Well, I'm not exactly a forensic specialist, although I do play one in most graveyards, cemeterys and memorials. I would say that this poor bastard was sliced to death by a bunch of knives. Unreal, dude. This is not the kind of reality that I wish to live in -- one where at any moment anyone can be brutally shredded like this.~^^"; 11:SetQuip(0,11,0); print "~Why, I am surprised you have to ask Mr. Varick. Obviously one where every girl and woman was an exact duplicate of Selma Blair. Where you couldn't possibly meet, speak to or otherwise interact with a member of the female gender that was not perfectly, completely and wholly Selma Blairesque. Each woman would have those dark, puppy-dog eyes she is famous for. Each would be articulate and charming thanks to her four years spent at University. And, of course, she would be extremely talented at whatever she chose to do. Imagine the possibilities! You get Selma Blair waiting on your when you arrive for a dinner date with your own sexy Selma Blair. If things don't work out with that girl you say, ~Selma, honey, I'm sorry but I'm seeing someone else. Another girl that looks exactly like you but is physically aged three months younger.~ And of course you could rent videos of Selma Blair making out with Selma Blair and when you went to find out if the check you drew that was five hundred dollars over your limit you would hear Selma Blair tell you that your balance was ~neg-A-tive-four-HUN-dred-AND-seventy-EIGHT-dollars and TWEN-ty-TWO-cents.~^^ ~Words fail me,~ you state. ~It's not even a matter of asking what is wrong with you anymore. It really isn't.~^^ ~Hm?~^^ ~No. What is RIGHT with you?~^^ ~Well, what's your idea of a perfect reality?~ asks Keegan.^^ ~Oh, the same, except Catwoman instead of Selma.~^^ ~Ah.~^^"; 12:SetQuip(0,12,0); SetQuip(17,3,1); print "Keegan does. ~Yeah,~ he says. ~Actually, this is the only bar I've ever been to in the Fort where they let customers use the phone. Our status, of course, will probably drop slightly after we 'chew-n'-screw' on this bill tonight, but talk to the bartender. I think they let people use it only to be mean to them. This one guy, definitely a Serb or Latvian or something, is trying to dial this number. And, of course, he had no idea that the dash isn't a digit you dial. I guess he figured that there is an asterisk and pound sign there, so why not a dash?~^^ ~Don't they use dashes in that country?~ you ask.^^ Keegan looks at you blankly for a second. ~The hell would I know? My entire archive of knowledge of that area of the world is solely bases on the background screens in the Spectrum Holobyte version of 'Tetris.' Anyway. Yeah, so the guy says, 'Can not find dere dash' or something like that, and that one dude with the frigging boa who always gets our orders wrong just starts LAUGHING at the guy. I mean, he got on the intercom and informed the entire bar not that someone's order was ready, or that it was closing time, but that Trotsky wanted to know where the freaking dash was.~^^ ~What did the dude say to that?~^^ ~No idea. I know one word in the guy's language -- comrade -- and I definitely wasn't hearing *that*.~^^"; 13:SetQuip(0,13,0); print "~Fuck you, dude,~ says Keegan. ~I'm not pulling that crazy stunt again.~^^ ~C'mon, dude. Don't be such a fuckin' jeeb.~^^ ~What the fuck does that even mean, anyway?~^^ ~I don't know,~ you say. ~That guy Donovan guy says it.~^^ ~He's the guy who was slamming that corpse, right?~^^ ~Yeah. Crazy motherfucker. I haven't seen him around work in ages. Look, you're changing the subject. Hey -- I thought we had keys to this place?~^^ ~We did, but Criswell lost them the last time he pulled a job here. Besides, have you checked the lock? Some piece of gromit gucked it up with chewing gum. That wasn't one of our guys who did it -- someone's in there and doesn't want company.~^^ ~Right.~^^"; 14:SetQuip(0,14,0); print "~Yeah. Look around in the Chevette... I haven't cleaned it out in a little while, there's probably some crap hanging around it. I'll do a lap around the fence and see if maybe someone left a ladder or some other prime tools around that'll help.~^^"; 15:SetQuip(0,15,0); print "Keegan nods. ~There's somebody in the graveyard making noise. Some *thing* in the graveyard making noise. It's pretty unholy, dude. Whatever it is seems to be a heavy fucking smoker, too. It's like someone is setting off gas grenades back there.~^^"; 16:SetQuip(0,16,0); print "~Let's head in the other direction. If we can find the dead bitch on this side of the graveyard then we don't have to deal with her. I don't want to mess with some crazy chick toting a nailgun if it can be avoided.~ Keegan's making a lot of sense on this one.^^"; 17:SetQuip(0,17,0); print "~No clue, dude. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck -- that thing wasn't human.~ It seems to have really freaked Keegan out. ~I mean, what the hell -- and the thing just fucking vanished, too. Christ.~^^"; } 1: switch (line) { !Pang 0: SetQuip(1,0,0);SetQuip(1,1,0); print "~I hate having to go in there... everybody's always hogging the stalls.~^^"; 1: SetQuip(1,0,0);SetQuip(1,1,0); print "Pang says, ~Yeah, I fell in the fricking toilet. I talked to your future while I was down there.~^^"; 2: SetQuip(1,2,0); NightEvent = 3; print "^~Let's do it, dude!~ The three of you start to attack those two guys. They were certainly not prepared for you to have a guy like Pang hanging around you.^^"; <>; 3: SetQuip(1,3,0); print "~Pang clears his throat. ~No, not really. Just went home. Actually, the new issue of 'Holy Avenger' arrived.~^^ ~How's that?~^^ ~Ah, it's OK. It's been steadily going downhill since the original writer left, but he fought some crazy guy called the Red Wraith this month. Kind of cool. It dealt with the implications of what it would be like for undead to truly walk the earth and what their stance on God would be. It is definitely less of a lewd ride these days.~^^ Criswell brightens up for a second. ~Hey, speakin' of that I did the calculations on my new Blazer. I can adequately fit three separate lewd acts innit at any one given time.~^^ ~With what specifications?~ you ask him.^^ ~Hurm. My mental blueprint was only dealin' wit chix-n-dix. I dunno. Does lesbianism require more of a footprint than when I unveil the monster onna girl?~^^ Nobody looks at Pang for clarification on this one. You pipe up, however. ~I knew this one girl who was kind of bi.~^^ ~Kind of?~ asks Criswell. ~What the fuck is that. Bi-sexuality is made for people who can't decide while they are on the shitter. How do you go 'kind-of' bi?~^^ ~Well, she would only admit her inherent bisexuality when she was drunk and pressed about it. Anyway. The way she always described her adventures, they were on these giant canopy beds with multiple levels and sixteen pillows.~^^ ~I say t'that -- tough shit if I'm toting around a couple rugmunchers via m'wheels. I expect future dykes to adapt t'their environment. An' allow me to videotape 'em, o'course.~^^ Pang asks Criswell, ~Have you ever even *seen* a lesbian?~ Criswell begins to pop up with an answer. ~In real life,~ adds Pang. Criswell remains strangely silent and concentrates on the video game.^^"; } 2: switch(line) { !Shayne 0: SetQuip(2,0,0); SetQuip(2,1,0); SetQuip(2,2,0); print "~Yeah, that's what I thought.~ The punk turns around snickering at you with his buddy.^^"; 1: SetQuip(2,0,0); SetQuip(2,1,0); SetQuip(2,2,0); ShayneTalked=1; print "~Yeah? Let's fucking go, bitch. Come on. If you're fucking man enough, you pissing coward pussy.~^^"; 2: SetQuip(2,0,0); SetQuip(2,1,0); SetQuip(2,2,0); lastpang = pang.create(); if(lastpang ~=0) move lastpang to Bathroom; print "The guy gives you a well-placed sneer. ~Fucking pussyass.~ Keegan then interjects for a moment.^^ ~Sorry, Napoleon, he's absolutely blasted. He gets all brotherly love when he's like that. Let me ask you this -- how the fuck did you get in here?~ Keegan holds his hand with his palm outstretched to about his waist. ~You have to be at least this fucking tall to enter the bar. Unless accompanied by an adult.~ Keegan looks at the guy's buddy. ~You his daddy or something, SuperQueef?~^^ Pang enters from the bathroom.^^"; 3: SetQuip(2,3,0); print "~Yeah, wouldn't you like to know, pussyass. I recognized you from last night in the bar -- you're that damn queef that constantly runs around graveyards n' shit. Heh. What you don't understand is that this entire fucking town is going down. And when that happens, guys like me are going to be in control, in command and in power.~^^ He waves his gun about. ~Do you want a piece of this, motherfucker!~^^"; } 5: switch (line) { !Chick#5 -- frosty 0:SetQuip(5,0,0); SetQuip(5,1,0);SetQuip(5,2,0);SetQuip(5,3,0);SetQuip(5,4,1); SetQuip(5,5,1); print "The girl looks shocked. ~No way!~^^ ~What's the matter?~ you reply. ~Don't you like pizza?~^^She kinda laughs at that, but definitely acts reserved.^^ ~Thanks,~ you say, looking into her eyes, ~I'll be here ausch veek.~^^"; 1:SetQuip(5,1,0); SetQuip(5,0,0);SetQuip(5,4,1); SetQuip(5,5,1); print "You look completely disinterested while delivering your line. She turns towards you and sees that you are not making eye contact. Irritated by your lead in the battle of who could care less, she responds with ~Who do you think you are? Jerk.~ She stares a little too long and sees that you are completely unaffected by her comment. Keegan sits down next to you and joins you in staring toward the dance floor. He's smiling smugly, proud of you, almost.^^"; 2:SetQuip(5,2,0); SetQuip(5,0,0); print "The girl looks right through you. ~Guess they'll never find a cure then.~ Keegan snorts in his drink. ^^ ~Sorry about that dude, but that was kind of a brutal way to get shot-down,~ he says.^^"; 3:SetQuip(5,0,0); SetQuip(5,1,0); SetQuip(5,2,0); SetQuip(5,3,0);SetQuip(5,4,1); SetQuip(5,5,1); print "The girl breaks into a very small smile. She looks nervously about the room at your cheeziness. ~Thanks.~^^"; 4:SetQuip(5,4,0); SetQuip(5,5,0);SetQuip(5,6,1); SetQuip(5,7,1); SetQuip(5,0,0); SetQuip(5,1,0);SetQuip(5,2,0); SetQuip(5,3,0); print "~Why do you think something is wrong?~ she says. ^^ You shrug. ~I don't know. You seem to be somewhat pre-occupied. I mean, most people come here because they want to get slobbering drunk and hook up.~^^ ~So in your world, someone just can't go out?~^^ ~By themselves? On a Thursday night? Sexily scanning every guy in the place? Come now, doll. Sure, there are times when I go out looking for the sweetest woman in this place. Times where I take a look at myself in the mirror and almost wish there was a third sex, because I'm obviously too fly for the two ones currently walking the earth. But I'm usually out with this guy,~ you motion toward Keegan, ~and on those nights the girls come up to me.~^^ ~Is this one of those nights?~^^ ~I'm wearing a football jersey. So, no.~^^ ~But you thought you were hot enough to talk to me.~^^ ~Have you said more than three syllables to anyone else here tonight?~ She starts to respond. ~Besides a bartender.~ She no longer considers responding. ~Exactly. Hey, I get the whole frosty ice princess thing. Sometimes, though, you find someone who you end up warming up to anyway.~^^ ~I'm a tough thaw,~ she says. She gives you the quickest smile you've ever seen in your life.^^"; 5: SetQuip(5,5,0); SetQuip(0,5,1); remove(lastchix); print "~I'll be fine. In fact, I think my boyfriend is over there dancing.~ She gets ready to leave.^^ ~Well, that sucks,~ says Keegan. The girl freezes.^^ ~What do you mean by that? My baby is easy to manipulate and has a gigantic cock.~^^ ~Sounds like a real man.~^^ ~I keep him happy,~ she says. Everyone has identified the chud by now. He's dancing with some girl and making a big show of it by pointing at her on off-beats.^^ ~Yeah, he looks it,~ says Keegan. ~The previous high-score of bliss from someone with the mental age of four was when my little brother figured out how to keep me from eating his pizza.~^^ ~I can't believe that asshole! What the fuck is he doing with that skank?~ The girl leaves the table in a complete hissy fit.^^ ~What the fuck was that all about?~ you ask Keegan.^^ He just shrugs. ~I have once again played the part of the anti-Cupid and brought two young lovers to the point of -- ~ a half-filled pitcher of beer misses the chick's boyfriend and drops some other whigged-out gangsta on the dance floor in the head, ~ -- fisticuffs.~^^"; 6: SetQuip(5,6,0); SetQuip(5,7,0); SetQuip(5,8,1); SetQuip(5,9,1); print "~Almost, huh?~ she says. ^^ ~Yes. If a small team of dedicated experts used the latest in motion-capture technology... they might be able to get a single frame of curved lips and white teeth from you.~^^ ~I see a lot of sluts in this place that laugh at everything a guy tells them. I don't want to be that woman.~^^ ~It's OK. I will let you know when I am being funny. I will give you a hand signal so there will be no difficulty. So that way you look as mean a man-hater as there is in this place. I'll start signing something when that happens, OK?~^^ ~Sign language?!? No, then people will think I am laughing at someone handicapped!~^^ ~Exactly, that's my point! Believe me, guys have a difficult enough time coming up to chicks in order to talk to them in the first place. I guarantee you that if I start spelling out stuff with my hands and you laugh like a crazed she-devil you won't get bothered by another chud for a week. I mean, hell, think it over. Guy X says to himself 'Unreal! That bitch was laughing at the deaf dude! What chance in hell to I have?' Meanwhile, all the girls with what our people call 'sympathy' (it's this new concept) for me because they think my disability was laughed at.~^^ ~But you wouldn't be able to talk to them. That would be excruciating torture for you, wouldn't it?~^^ ~I can manage. Keegan here once pretended he had intermittent paralysis from the waist down once when he was seeing a girl.~^^ ~Yeah,~ says Keegan. ~It was great. She did all the work.~^^"; 7: remove(lastchix); chixtalked = chixtalked + 1; girl.copy(husk, lastchix); SetQuip(5,7,0); SetQuip(5,6,0); print "~You really think I'm a bitch?~^^ ~I respect it, but it's true. Yes. A yipping, sniping Bitch Goddess that enjoys toying with the thoughts and emotions of the men she greets in everyday life. I bet you're extremely cruel to those in the public service sector. And to hippies. And the homeless.~^^ She can only manage an ~um~ before you continue. ^^ ~I would wager that you would sooner go down on every guy in this bar than actually give your phone number out. Because that would be, like, *private information* and all. Y'know?~^^ ~Bullshit.~ She gets out a scrap of paper and scribbles seven digits on it. ~I'll see you later.~ She gets up and leaves the bar.^^ ~I was hoping she was going to blow every guy in the room, really~ says Keegan.^^ ~You still can. Hm.~^^ ~What?~ says Keegan. ~You got her number.~^^ ~I got *a* number. Who knows. I don't even know if I want to call her. I mean, as I get older, dude, I simply find that engrossing conversation and stimulating social intercourse are more important to me than hot, sweaty, sex.~^^ ~Dude. You're 22.~^^ ~Yeah, but you know what I mean. What, after the third date, is really the point in sticking around someone who you can't have great conversations with?~^^"; 8: remove(lastchix); girl.copy(husk, lastchix); SetQuip(5,8,0); SetQuip(5,9,0); print "~Oh, I kind of control things in bed. I can't believe I'm telling you this. So many guys have no idea what they are doing with me. There are the boys who just go like jack-rabbits and get all proud and excited when you have that ONE orgasm... and then there are the conceited primadonnas who think that it doesn't get boring with *them* after the sixth or seventh time you've faked it. Sometimes the cigarette afterwards is more interesting. So yes. You eventually just take charge.~^^ ~Eventually? How many guys have you done? Wait. Let us guess.~^^ ~Okay,~ she says. ~Go ahead.~^^ Keegan says thirty at the same time you say fifteen. She looked wholly shocked and slaps Keegan. She tries to knee you in the groin, but misses. She leaves the table and goes straight out the bar.^^ ~I thought I was being generous,~ you say. ^^ ~So did I,~ adds Keegan.^^"; 9: remove(lastchix); SetQuip(5,9,0); SetQuip(5,8,0); print "~Oh yes,~ she says. ~I like the level of control I get ordering about a man. That's like... the greatest thing. Control over an animated guy, getting him to do what you tell him. Mmm.~^^ ~Like, domestically?~ you ask.^^ ~That too. But that gets old after a while.~^^ ~What about when they serve you grapes?~^^ ~What?~^^ ~Did you throw them right into the pyramid when they happened to die building it, or give the crumpled body back to its family?~^^ ~Are you trying to say I'm Cleopatra or something?~^^ ~No. You're not wearing enough makeup.~^^ She rolls her eyes in disgust. ~Fuck you both.~ She leaves the bar.^^ ~What got into you?~ asks Keegan.^^ ~I thought she'd give me a little bit more leeway... I didn't think I was acting like that large a prick.~^^ ~Well, in real life you're a complete dick-in-the-ass. She probably wasn't drunk enough, yet, to totally find you amusing and shit.~^^ ~So you think I should have bought her a drink?~^^ ~Are we ducking out on this bill?~^^ ~Probably.~^^ ~Then yeah.~^^"; } 6: switch (line) {!Chick#6 -- horny 0:SetQuip(6,0,0); SetQuip(6,1,0); SetQuip(6,2,0); print "The girl looks briefly shocked. She seems to be impressed with either your comment about her shoes or of your sheer ability to be an assjack. She grins and then moves her hand down to grope you. ~You've got some brass ones, don't you?~ she asks. Keegan briefly whispers amazement of how her drink is not all over your face.^^"; 1:SetQuip(6,1,0); SetQuip(6,0,0); SetQuip(6,2,0); SetQuip(6,3,0); remove(lastchix); print "She acknowledges your comment with a nod. ~Sorry, I'm gay,~ she says. ~Nothing personal.~ Somehow you don't believe her as she giggles while leaving.^^"; 2:SetQuip(6,0,0);SetQuip(6,1,0);SetQuip(6,2,0);SetQuip(6,3,0);SetQuip(6,4,1); SetQuip(6,5,1); lastchix.kissgood = 1; print "The girl turns toward you with a smile. ~Really?~ she says. ~You mean even better than when I take you home?~^^"; 3:SetQuip(6,3,0); SetQuip(6,0,0); SetQuip(6,1,0); SetQuip(6,2,0); print "~Oh my God... I can't believe you used a line like that! Ugh -- look, go away!~^^"; 4:SetQuip(6,4,0); SetQuip(6,5,0); SetQuip(6,6,1); SetQuip(6,7,1); print "~Oh, of course,~ she says. Her eyes get all big. ~It depends on whether or not I've got a big, strong man like yourself around.~ She raises her eyebrows and gives you a big flash of her full, ", (string)lastchix.eye_color," eyes. ~Why then I just can't *help* myself! I'll get down on all fours and bark like a little bitch in heat.~^^ This is almost too much. You check around to see if this is some fraternity joke. It doesn't look like there's a camera around. Usually Keegan just sits there with his hands in his pocket when you take the lead on a girl, but this time he is totally enraptured.^^ ~So you probably know a lot of tricks, huh?~ you ask.^^ ~Of course!~ she replies. ~I know how to fetch... and roll over... and beg. I do so...~ she really draws this out, ~*love* to beg...~ She leaves her lips parted and gives you a look of total, wanton lust.^^"; 5: SetQuip(6,5,0); print "She sighs and rocks back and forth contently. Eventually she says, ~Maybe a little.~ She turns to Keegan and considers him for a moment. ~So what's your story?~ she asks.^^ Keegan puts down his drink and replies without looking at her. ~Hey, help me out, but I think those two girls are dykes.~ He points over to a couple of girls all over each other.^^ It appears as if the girl is a little jealous at not being the focal point of attention.^^"; 6: SetQuip(6,6,0); SetQuip(6,8,1); print "~Hmmmm,~ she moans with a smile. ~A kitten, hm?~ She comes up next to you and brushes your dreads aside from your ear. She speaks with the sexy authority of a world-class phone sex operator.^^ ~So, you like it when a girl will meow for you, is that it?~ She then begins to purr into your ear before licking it and drawing away.^^ Keegan comes over to you for about three seconds. ~You *so* need to bag this chick, dude.~^^"; 7: SetQuip(6,7,0); SetQuip(6,8,1); print "She gently laughs at that. ~You think, huh?~ She takes a second to think of an appropriately slutty comment to, in turn make. She eventually decides on one. ^^ ~You look like the type of man who can keep a girl all locked up without so much as a fight -- ~ she seems to indicate that she wishes to know your name.^^ ~Avandre. This is Keegan. And actually, they tend to put up a little bit of fight at the beginning but eventually submit. It's always more fun when they are hopelessly struggling. Predator and prey, you know?~ The girl just nods in agreement.^^"; 8: SetQuip(6,8,0); SetQuip(6,6,0); SetQuip(6,7,0); SetQuip(6,9,1); print "~My name is ", (string)lastchix.her_name, ".~^^ ~", (string)lastchix.her_name,", you say. That's really pretty.~^^ She cocks her head at that to see if you're serious. ~Come now. I bet you say that to all the girls.~^^"; 9: SetQuip(6,9,0); SetQuip(6,10,1); SetQuip(6,11,1); chixtalked = chixtalked + 1; girl.copy(husk, lastchix); print "She looks straight into your eyes. ~God, I love guys with brown eyes.~ She gets in extremely close and runs her hands up under your jersey and over your skin. ~You totally have to call me some night.~ She whispers her phone number in your ear. ^^ ~So, Avandre, tell me. 'Sleep with.' That's your euphemism for -- for what? Fuck, make love, have sex....?~^^"; 10:SetQuip(6,10,0); SetQuip(6,11,0); SetQuip(6,12,1); SetQuip(6,13,1); SetQuip(6,14,1); print "~Yes... yes, of course. Tell me what you think the difference is.~^^ ~Well,~ you say, ~I loved my girlfriend Kiera. I'd stay the night, make breakfast, take the scraper to her car, ensure that she came four or five times before we went to bed...~^^ ", (string)lastchix.her_name, " arches an eyebrow. ~Four or five times?~^^ ~Well, yeah. I mean, I loved her, you know? On the other hand, a girl that I simply happen to pick up at a bar... ~ You trail off your sentence.^^ ~Please, continue,~ she says. ^^ ~Well, then it's probably nine or ten. Kidding.~^^"; 11:SetQuip(6,10,0); SetQuip(6,11,0); remove(lastchix); print "~You know how it goes... really you can be in love with someone and still get so worked up that you want nothing else other than to fuck them.~^^ ~Exactly,~ she says. ~I've been in many situations like that. You are maybe given a look, or they are in that position and in that light and you just... ooooh! You just want to put them in a box and pull them out whenever you want them to fuck your brains out!~^^ ~You know how it is,~ you say. ~Well, Van,~ she says. ~It was certainly interesting meeting you... call me sometime, okay? Like later tonight?~ She gives you a wink and leaves.^^ Keegan returns to reality after checking out a couple of lesbians. ~What the fuck man, she left?~^^ ~She said to call her later tonight. For some after-hours.~^^ ~Dude, you do that and she won't respect you. She'll think you're desperate. Call a hooker instead.~^^ You give him a perplexed look. ~Um, okay. Word up...~^^"; 12:SetQuip(6,12,0); remove(lastchix); print "~I actually need to be taking off as well, tiger. Call me, soon, okay?~ She gives you a deep kiss, quickly exploring your mouth with her tongue. She smiles and leaves the table.~^^ ~Pierced tongue,~ you say to Keegan.^^ ~Remarkable, Captain.~^^"; 13:SetQuip(6,13,0); remove(lastchix); print "~You too... God,~ she says. She comes up next to you and whispers into your ear. ~Call me tonight and I will absolutely fuck you into next week, okay?~^^ ~You bet,~ you say. ~Farewell.~^^ Keegan looks at you strangely. ~Did you just say 'farewell'? Who talks like that? What's wrong with you? No, scratch that. What's right with you?~^^ You give him a smirk and let the matter drop.^^"; 14:SetQuip(6,14,0); print "She adjusts her clothing a bit and takes your hand. She puts it up against one of her breasts. You give it a squeeze.^^ ~Disappointed?~ she says. ^^ You decide to be completely honest. ~Not at all. Not at all.~^^"; } 7: switch (t) {!Chick#7 -- confused ! All the responses for her are completely random. She is a mental nutcase 0:SetQuip(7,0,0); SetQuip(7,1,0); SetQuip(7,2,0);SetQuip(7,3,0);SetQuip(0,4,1); print "You approach her to deliver your line. You brush up against her waist, smile and speak softly into her ear. At that point, she completely wigs out. ^^~Who the fuck do you think you are?~ She stares stupidly at you. Uncomprehending. She then begins to slap you in a rapid volley of open-palm press-on-nail furor. Keegan jumps to attention. ^^~Enough...~ He walks right up to her and brushes aside her continued attacks. He presses his lips tightly up against hers and seems to stick his tongue halfway down her throat. ~Exactly,~ he says. He quickly looks over to you and winks. The girl seems to be slightly calmer than before without really losing the completely insane twinkle in her eye.^^"; 1:SetQuip(7,0,0); SetQuip(7,1,0);SetQuip(7,2,0);SetQuip(7,3,0); print "You attempt to speak to her, but before you can do so she starts talking to herself. She didn't hear a single word, Avandre.^^"; } 8: switch (line) {!Chick#8 -- bitch 0: SetQuip(8,0,0); SetQuip(8,1,0); SetQuip(8,2,0); print "The chick rolls her eyes. ~Talk to the hand.~ ^^ Keegan instantly lights up. ~Is that because the face don't understand? Is that why? You've got the nerve to not only use a fucking tired and cheezed expression but to also give it with an extraordinary sense of disdain? Are you fucking KIDDING me? Fucking cuntrag.~^^"; 1: SetQuip(8,1,0); print "The girl momentarily pauses before speaking. She wasn't ready for a comment like that.^^ ~Well, you know how it goes,~ she says. ~A flaming reject here, a co-dependent psycho there... pretty soon you start to think there isn't anybody worth talking to. But then, sometimes someone cute like you comes around.~^^"; 2: SetQuip(8,2,0); SetQuip(8,1,0); SetQuip(8,2,0); print "~Sweet? You must have me confused with some drippy slut. I chew guys up for breakfast.~^^ ~Really?~ you ask. ~That's funny, because my friend Keegan here chews up marble for breakfast and shits out statues. Good ones, too, not missing their limbs and whatnot like all those cruddy ancient ones.~ You turn towards Keegan, hoping he'll pipe up with some wit but he's transfixed attempting to discern whether or not a couple chicks across the bar are simply extremely drunk or lesbians. A real Team Player.^^ The girl looks about the bar for any other sentient to talk to.^^"; 3: SetQuip(8,3,0); print "~You're talking to one, boy.~ You're briefly taken back by that.^^ ~Boy?~ you state. ~I'm not a boy -- I've got dreadlocks!~^^"; 4: SetQuip(8,4,0); SetQuip(8,5,0); SetQuip(8,1,0); SetQuip(8,2,0); SetQuip(8,3,0); remove(lastchix); print "She gives you a distasteful look. ~I don't. Okay, ass? I don't.~ She rolls her eyes and leaves.^^"; 5: SetQuip(8,5,0); SetQuip(8,4,0); SetQuip(8,6,1); SetQuip(8,6,2); print "She looks at you in sort of a different light. As if you're going to take a short time-out from hitting on her like every other guy here. She brushes her ",(string)lastchix.hair_color ," hair out of her eyes. ^^ ~I am. Men are such jerks. I know that's kind of a blanket statement, but... ~^^ ~I hear you,~ you say. ~Keegan here is a trotting krip of the worst magnitude.~^^ ~Fuck off, Van,~ says Keegan.^^ The girl drones on for a bit about how some dopey guy she was living with threw her out of the house when she wouldn't have a three-way with him. You learn that her name is ", (string)lastchix.her_name," and that she works in the student union office at the local university.^^"; 6: remove(lastchix); girl.copy(husk, lastchix); chixtalked = chixtalked + 1; print"~Oh, it's a killer. The stories I could tell you!~ Suddenly her pager goes off. ~Fuck. It's that asshole Curt. Look, I need to go. If you're still here later, let's dance, okay?~^^ She says it kind of hurriedly. She scribbles down her number and gives it to you. She kisses you chastely on the cheek before leaving. ~My name is ", (string)lastchix.her_name, ". Thanks for listening, hun. I may be back for you...~^^"; 7: remove(lastchix); print"~You really are an insensitive jackass, you know that? I'll have you know that I slowly, carefully sucked his dick every night we were in bed together.~ She begins to well up tears in her eyes. ^^ ~Fuck you!~ she screams. She runs off.^^ Keegan gives you a strange look. ~What the fuck was that all about?~^^ You shrug. ~Who the hell knows, dude? More issues than Time fucking Magazine.~^^"; } 9: switch (line) {!Chick#9 -- brain 0: SetQuip(9,0,0); print "You get kind of a bizarre look from Keegan but deliver your line to her. She looks at you over a pair of really cute spectacles. ~Hm, yes -- definitely,~ she murmurs. You introduce yourself and state that you are an expert in the field of gargantua. The girl somehow fails to be impressed.^^"; 1: SetQuip(9,1,0);SetQuip(9,0,0); SetQuip(9,4,1); print "She blushes at that. ~Not always,~ she says. ~I used to be kind of a brainiac when I was little and looked like a real go-tard. Then, one day, it all came together!~^^ ~Ah,~ you state. ~Got your breasts, done, huh?~ ^^ ~No!~ she exclaims. She took that you were kidding with that statement. ~I mean I got sexier glasses and had my braces taken off.~^^ Keegan interjects. ~Yeah, your legs look like they turned it out OK.~^^ She giggles and says, ~No, for my teeth, not braces for my legs!~ She's playing the game, happy for the attention from two guys who obviously aren't dorks. Gotta like that.^^"; 2: SetQuip(9,2,0);SetQuip(9,0,0); SetQuip(9,4,1); print "~Really?~ she says with a smile. She reaches up to tug on your dreadlocks. ~Sorry, I couldn't tell if they were real or not. You consider that for a moment. And then deftly & quickly squeeze her breasts.^^ Before she can say a word you give her a lop-sided grin and deadpan, ~Sorry -- couldn't tell if they were real or not.~ She turns away and brings her hand to her mouth to conceal her laughter. She may possibly be one of those optimistic drunks seeing how you didn't get slapped.^^"; 3: SetQuip(9,3,0); SetQuip(9,0,0); "~It's that obvious, isn't it?~ she asks. She straightens up and adjusts her outfit. ~You're right, though. I've always been kind of a wallflower or a shut-in. I just wasn't much of a mixer or social butterfly when I was young. Grades and study always seemed to matter more to me than all the silly stuff that girls my age were normally involved in. I was granted a scholarship at the University at Central Hill but found it extremely difficult to learn because absolutely no one there spoke English. I can deal with an accent with the occasional professor, but when trying to order a meal at the dorm becomes a ten-minute affair it'll grate on you. You know? Anyway, I came to the Fort because I heard that class size was small and the students received lots of attention. I didn't know it was such a party town but that's okay... Anyway, I had [blah blah blah... drone, drone... she seems to be wrapping up her monologue... ah, yes... ] So, what's your story?~^^ You clear your throat. ~Go to interesting bars, meet interesting chicks. Bang them.~^^"; 4: SetQuip(9,4,0); SetQuip(9,1,0); SetQuip(9,2,0); SetQuip(9,3,0);SetQuip(9,5,1); SetQuip(9,6,1); SetQuip(9,7,1); print"Well, I was talking to my roommie, Kirsty, and she said, ~", (string)lastchix.her_name ,", you need to go out tonight and meet somebody. You're like Rapunzel locked away in her cave.~^^ ~Er, I think she was locked in a tower,~ you say.^^ ~Really?~ She seems genuinely interested.^^ ~Yeah. I mean, she had all that long hair and stuff, and dudes used to climb all over it.~^^ She pauses for a second. ~Oh! That's right. OK. But still. Like her.~^^ ~Right. I get the effect you are going for.~^^ ~OK. Tell me about yourself. Who are you?~^^"; 5: SetQuip(9,5,0); SetQuip(9,6,0); SetQuip(9,7,0);SetQuip(9,8,1); print"You tell her just how dangerous you and Keegan are to the public at large.^^ ~Really? That's interesting. So, will I find your pictures up at the post office, then?~^^ ~Possibly. I'm Avandre. He's Keegan. Soon to have our own collector's edition trading cards with that funky pink gum.~^^ ~Cool,~ she says with a grin. ~I'm ", (string)lastchix.her_name ,".~^^"; 6: SetQuip(9,6,0); SetQuip(9,5,0); SetQuip(9,7,0);SetQuip(9,8,1); print"~Really?~ she says. ~Cool. How are you doing so far?~^^ ~So far, so good.~ You give her a friendly wink.^^"; 7: SetQuip(9,7,0); SetQuip(9,6,0); SetQuip(9,5,0);SetQuip(9,8,1); print "~Kareoke? What's that?~^^ ~Well, basically it's a way for a bunch of untalented guys to impress girls who should know better by screeching poor renditions of songs you barely recall in keys you're unfamiliar with.~ ^^ Keegan interjects. ~Yeah, Van eats that shit up.~^^ ~The spotlight, as always, needs me. You'd be a cool girl to sing to, though.~^^ ~Really? Why's that?~^^ ~Well, you've obviously got brains enough to appreciate the heartfelt song of a man's soul.~^^ ~Yeah. I, uh, 'eat that shit up.' She gives you both a friendly laugh.^^"; 8: SetQuip(9,8,0); chixtalked = chixtalked + 1; girl.copy(husk, lastchix); remove(lastchix); print "~You guys seem really cool. Let me give you my number. Do you have a pen?~^^ You don't. ~Um, I'll memorize it.~ She looks kinda hurt at that statement. ~No, really! I will. I equate football jersey numbers with phone numbers. Two at a time. Shoot.~^^ She gives you a blank stare. ~OK... 41...~^^ ~Lester Roper,~ you say.^^ ~22.~^^ ~Bucky Johnson.~^^ ~97.~^^ ~Todd Veasey.~^^ ~3.~^^ ~Ah, yes. Kicker Sancho Hebert. Roper, Bucky, Veasey, Sancho. No prob!~^^ ~You'll really remember it?~^^ ~Look, you're a knockout. Of course I will.~ You tell her yours before she goes. She seems happy about that and gives you a hug before leaving. ~Word up,~ you say to Keegan.^^"; } 10: switch (line) {!Chick#10 -- milf 0: SetQuip(10,0,0); print "~Hm. Well, you're cute. Sure.~^^"; 1: SetQuip(10,1,0); SetQuip(10,5,1); SetQuip(10,2,0); SetQuip(10,3,0); print "~Really! Come on, I bet you say that to every girl you're trying to pick up.~^^ ~No, no. I mean it. You really are. My friend here will vouch for me.~^^ Keegan doesn't miss a beat as you two have run through these lines before. ~Yeah, he's been prattling on and on about you since we walked in. I think you should plant him a big old wet one right on the lips and make his night.~ He stares straight ahead the entire time, because he's checking out a couple girls which are all over each other in another corner of the bar.^^ She locks in with eye contact. ~Well, I would but I don't want you to think I'm easy or anything.~^^ ~Easy? Pshaw, right?~^^"; 2: SetQuip(10,1,0); SetQuip(10,2,0); SetQuip(10,3,0); SetQuip(10,0,0); remove(lastchix); print "The girl looks visibly wounded. ~What does that mean? Jerk.~ She pauses for a second, then her eyes light up. She takes some clown's drink and throws it at you. This, of course, irritates the barchud next to her.^^ ~What the fuck, man? Tell your bitch that if she looks at my fucking drink again then I'll break both her and you, every bone in your body. Both of you!!~^^ ~What?~ you ask. ~What the fuck are you trying to say? You sound like a fucking retard. Look, cram it, shitstain, before I wax you and everyone else on the short bus.~ The guy is about to get up when you decide to do your impression of an angry crack dealer. You give him a sort of hellish penance stare, just begging him to try something. He sits down and backs off. Sometimes being the only black guy anywhere near the Fort has a way of intimidating your run-of-the-mill, intoxicated worm. ^^The girl is concentrating on ignoring you and has nothing else to say.^^"; 3: SetQuip(10,2,0); SetQuip(10,3,0); SetQuip(10,4,1); print "~Well, it's complicated, you see.~ The fact that she took absolutely no offense to that statement stuns you. You open your eyes when you realize a White Russian isn't going to be tossed at them. ~*I* don't think I'm crazy but my ex-boyfriend does. I've had to call the cops on him several times just to keep him away. It's tough, I don't want him in my life but he keeps coming back so I try to do things to get him to leave me alone. *Sigh* Have you ever had a girl just not get the picture?~^^"; 4: SetQuip(10,4,0);SetQuip(10,3,0); print "~Well, yeah, really. Just once though. I was a freshman at military school and started seeing this one girl that worked for food services. She would always tell me that the beef they served us was rated GRADE D: FIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION and stuff like that. You wouldn't think there would be that many bizarre stories in simply dishing out spuds. Like from the second time we went out she started talking about a wedding and things like that. Really, really bizarre.~^^ ~How did you get rid of her?~^^ ~We threw her in a blender and ate her.~^^ ~Ugh!~ she says with a giggle. ~That's terrible!~^^ ~Yes. That's what we all decided as well. Chunks of desperate bride does not go well with bug juice.~^^"; 5: SetQuip(10,5,0); SetQuip(10,6,1); SetQuip(10,7,1);SetQuip(10,3,0); print "~I should probably not tell you this, then. I am easy.~^^ ~Really,~ you state. You just want to see where this roller-coaster ride is headed.^^ ~Yes. Well, I don't mean all four bases and what not. Sometimes it's the only kind of escape I have. I have a baby, you see.~^^"; 6: SetQuip(10,6,0); SetQuip(10,7,0); chixtalked = chixtalked + 1; girl.copy(husk, lastchix); remove(lastchix); print "~Her name is Kylie. Really, though, most guys usually say something like, ~You're so young!~ or ~How did it happen?~ Y'know, like I had personal tragedy befell me or something. ^^ ~This has to be the first time I've known the child's name before the mom.~^^ ~Oh! My name is ", (string)lastchix.her_name ,". What's yours?^^ ~I'm Avandre. This is my friend Keegan.~^^ ~Keegan? What kind of name is that?~^^ Keegan pipes up. ~My first name is Daniel... this crumholtz just calls me by my last name. Don't think that doesn't get old after a while.~^^ ~Crumholtz?~ asks ", (string)lastchix.her_name ,".^^ ~He of the crooked wood.~ ^^ You decide to take control of the situation again. ~Ok, tell me what it's like to raise a daughter in this town.~ Before she can reply, though, her pager goes off. ^^ ~Argh, I have to go. Here -- ~ she jots down a number. ~Give me a call sometime, ok?~^^ ~You bet.~ ", (string)lastchix.her_name ," leaves the table.^^"; 7: SetQuip(10,6,0); SetQuip(10,7,0); remove(lastchix); print "Yeah, a lot of people say that. It's kind of tough to talk about. I -- ~ Suddenly, her pager goes off. She checks it. ~Hey, look, I have to run. Maybe I'll see you around sometime?~^^ The girl leaves the table.^^"; } 11: switch (line) {!Chick#11 -- friendly 0: SetQuip(11,0,0); print "She smiles at that. ~I'm trying to be, you know?~ She says it in a way which isn't stuck-up at all. As if she has a kind of vulnerability. You're not sure if it's an act.^^"; 1: SetQuip(11,1,0); SetQuip(11,0,0); SetQuip(11,2,0); SetQuip(11,3,0); SetQuip(11,4,1); girl.copy(husk, lastchix); print "~Hello there, boys. My name is ", (string)lastchix.her_name, ".~^^"; 2: SetQuip(11,2,0); print "The girl smiles at that, and gives you a wink. ~S'all good, y'know?~ She laughs at her attempt to come off as ~down-with-it.~^^ ~Hey, I *know* you're legit, doll -- you're from the street!~ you respond.^^"; 3: SetQuip(11,3,0); print "~It did, huh? Did it also tell you I'd been staring at you all night because you are the cutest guy here?~^^ ~Yeah, pretty much -- you know it kind of has a limited vocabulary.~^^ ~Really?~^^ ~Yah, the instructions said that sometimes 'ask again later' really means, 'a sexy chick with ", (string)lastchix.hair_color," hair is thinkin' you are da bomb.'~^^ She gives you a crooked smile. ~Let's not get too clever here, slick.~^^ ~Right.~^^"; 4: SetQuip(11,4,0);SetQuip(11,5,1); SetQuip(11,6,1); print "~Well, you know how it goes. Just looking for someone who feels like being a man. So many guys come to this place and they just don't *talk* to anybody, you know? Now you, at least you appear to be different. So tell me about your favorite kiss.~^^ ~What?~^^ ~C'mon! Tell me about your favorite kiss.~^^"; 5: SetQuip(11,5,0); SetQuip(11,6,0); SetQuip(11,10,1); print "~My favorite kiss... okay, this is just off the top of my head. It was about four days before Christmas and you know how everybody is just nice to people and whatnot? It was like that. It was a white Christmas that year and I was getting Mean Streak tickets for my friend Holly.~^^ ~Mean Streak?~ she asks.^^ ~Yeah, they're a regional football team. They always choke the big ones.~^^ Keegan interjects. ~Hey, so did Holly!~ ^^ ~Shut up, y'mert. Anyway.~ You turn your attention back to the girl, ~I told her to come by around ten or eleven. Holly was a really cute girl but she was a milf and she worked at a bar and you could never get enough Holly time.~ You see the puzzled expression on the girl's face. ~Ah -- right. A milf. Mother-I'd Liketo Fuck. It's kind of a -- how do you say -- acronym. She was twenty-two but you know how it is at that age. Anyway. She ended up coming over at two-thirty in the morning. I was actually surprised she showed at all. I was originally considering buying her a giant bottle of medicated-brand shampoo because she was such a flake but decided against it. I got her a necklace with a little pearl in the middle of it. She was kinda tanked and I had actually given up and gone to bed, so I was a little groggy. I put it around her neck, and turned her around. I think she was really a little surprised at the moment. It was kinda scary, as she was more my friend than anything else. She stood up and we looked dreamily into each other's eyes for a moment and kissed each other softly. It was just one kiss and the only one we ever had, but the scene was just so perfect and she looked so soft and beautiful. That was probably my favorite kiss.~^^ ~Wow,~ says ", (string)lastchix.her_name, ". ~Have I met you before and asked you this question?~^^ ~Not a chance. Every once in a while I like to try out what your people call 'the truth' like a fat moto tries out an old pair of tight jeans. Just to see if it fits or not.~^^"; 6: SetQuip(11,6,0); SetQuip(11,5,0);SetQuip(11,7,1); print "~My favorite kiss was with my girlfriend-at-the-time Jalene. She was going to study horticulture a couple continents away and I dropped by to say goodbye the day she was leaving. Jalene was the most unemotional person I've ever met. She never broke down or seemed to have her feelings on display for anyone to ever see. Er, except for screaming ecstasy, natch. Anyway, we'd been going out for about a year and a half and she was about to get into her plane and take off, probably leaving my life forever. All of a sudden this girl broke down into tears and threw her arms around me. She told me that she was going to miss me and how she didn't want to go anymore. I held her and then lifted her chin up. I looked into her eyes and told her that I just wanted her to be happy. She took my face into her hands -- very aggressively, I should add -- and kissed me. Long, deep, hard. It was the sexiest thing she'd ever done, and she would pretty much do anything. She got on that plane and I haven't seen her since. Sometimes I wonder if she was the one and if I should have made her stay.~^^ ", (string)lastchix.her_name, " nods and is about to speak. She suddenly stops and then kisses you once, warmly.^^ She looks into your eyes. ~You're really cool. You should know that.~^^"; 7: SetQuip(11,7,0);SetQuip(11,8,1); SetQuip(11,9,1); print "~Take classes, mostly. I work a little bit at a restaurant downtown. It kind of sucks, because I hate the whole food-business mentality.~^^ ~What kind of mentality is that?~ ^^ ~Well, it just seems like everyone is out for themselves and all. The waiters seem to have a check-off list and compete to see who can bed the new girls the fastest. The other waitresses are mostly bitches because you're their competition. All the skanks try to get the good-looking waiters to pay attention to them.~^^ ~I can see how that must suck after a while, huh?~ Lookit you get all sympathetic, Avandre!^^ ~That's exactly it,~ she says. ~Like I'm going to go to bed with a fucking waiter, you know?~ She comes down from her disdain and gives you a smile. ~OK. Tell me what you do. Are you a student?~^^"; 8: SetQuip(11,8,0); remove(lastchix); chixtalked = chixtalked + 1; print "~Yeah, you know how it goes. Trying to finish off school one class at a time.~^^ ~Cool,~ she says. ~Hey, look. I have to meet up with my girlfriends, but I'd love to see you again. Give me a call sometime, okay?~ She hands you her number. ^^ ~Sure, that'd be great.~ She gives you a little pinch before leaving.^^"; 9:SetQuip(11,9,0); remove(lastchix); chixtalked = chixtalked + 1; print"~Yeah, you know how it goes. Vigilantes and shit, yo.~^^ ~Cool,~ she says. ~Hey, look. I have to meet up with my girlfriends, but I'd love to see you again. Give me a call sometime, okay?~ She hands you her number. ^^ ~Sure, that'd be great.~ She gives you a little friendly pinch before leaving.^^"; 10:SetQuip(11,10,0);SetQuip(11,7,1); print "~Well, there was this football player. Now, I have absolutely nothing against or particularly for football. It's just a sport and for some, a profession.~^^ ~If you tell me that you blew a football team,~ says Keegan, ~I'm going to totally shift my paradigm of you.~ You give him an elbow to the ribs.^^ ~Shut up, man. Girl's getting into a hot and sweaty story here.~^^ ~No,~ she says. ~It's not like that. I did not,~ she looks toward Keegan, ~go down on an entire football team. Where on earth would you think -- nevermind. I don't want to know. Anyway, when I was a senior in high school I, of course, had fully expected to be asked to the prom by a boy. Any boy. Some boy. And when it didn't happen, I think I lost a little bit of self-esteem. I had no idea why I was such an outcast. As it turns out, two nights before the prom, this guy on the football team did get the nerve to ask me out. I said I'd go -- he was cute, nice, agreeable. I found out later that he had wanted to ask me all along and threatened terrible violence to any boy who he saw come near me, in order to make sure that no one 'cut in line' until he got the courage to do it. Weird, because I was never, like, an ice princess or anything. After the prom was over, he told me how he had a crush on me from afar for a long time and was really sweet about it. He gave me this incredible kiss and took me home.~^^ ~What happened then?~^^ ~Well, nothing. He called the next day and said that he was recruited, so he had to leave for college.~^^ ~What was his name?~ asks Keegan.^^ ~Tavarian Pittman. Why?~^^ ~Shit!~ exclaims Keegan. ~We know that guy! Holy Mother of Christ! He plays for the Mean Streak! Or he did until he got banned from the league and thrown into the clink. Hey, get this. Avandre had to take Anger Management Classes with the guy a while back!~ Keegan starts chortling, remembering how he and Pang had signed you up for bogus 12-step holistic healing a while ago.^^ ~That guy just went *off* on a fan a couple years ago,~ you say to the girl. ~Some guy was heckling him and he took the down-marker -- this giant orange pylon thing that is designed to be big enough to tell everyone in the stadium exactly what down it is -- and started creaming the fan with it. I mean, dude just *clocked* the poor sap. It was brutal. They still haven't got all the blood bleached out of the seats. Criswell, er, this guy I work with, he usually runs around in a 'FREE PITTMAN' t-shirt.~^^ ~Geez,~ says the girl. ~I guess I'm glad that didn't end up going anywhere.~^^ ~Me too,~ said Keegan. ~If Pittman finds out we had this conversation he's likely to break both our necks with his giant, steroid-enhanced hands. That is, in six years when he is up for parole.~ Keegan starts laughing diabolically -- he hates the franchise called the Regina Mean Streak. Mostly because he especially hates Pittman.^^"; } 12: switch (line) {!Chick#12 -- amused 0:SetQuip(12,0,0); print "She remains completely motionless for a moment. Then she breaks into laughter. ~I have to admit, that's one that I've never heard before.~^^"; 1:SetQuip(12,1,0); SetQuip(12,2,0); print "The chick laughs at that. ~Really?~ Looks like it's time for you to pump it up and take it to that higher level. ^^ ~Yeah, he's fucking crazy. He used to live up north with the northerners. Then one day the tribe he was staying with killed a giant whale. Keegan just starts eating the blubber and nothing else. Pretty soon, you see, the whale is gone and he starts in on the Inuit like crazy. Yeah, they had him shipped to the Fort where he fits in with the normal array of crazies, whackjobs and general spazzes.~^^ ~That's pretty big of you to take him out.~^^ ~Yeah, the government cuts me a check each month to be his friend.~ She smiles at that, happy to engage in mindless, senseless banter.^^"; 2:SetQuip(12,2,0);SetQuip(12,0,0); SetQuip(12,1,0); print "~You're a grave robber, huh? Sounds pretty spooky.~^^ ~Yeah, you know how it goes. That's why I'm happy to get out and meet some people at a bar. 'Cos at the job all you ever meet are a bunch of stiffs.~ It takes a second but she gets the joke. Unfortunately she was taking a sip of her drink at the time and completely snorted it out her nose.^^"; 3:SetQuip(12,3,0); chixtalked = chixtalked + 1; girl.copy(husk, lastchix); remove(lastchix); print "~You're going to breakdance? Here!?! Omigod! No, don't get your cardboard do it on the floor, okay? Pleeeeeease?~ What the hell. You freeze-frame over to the disco floor and get down on the ground in order to do the dolphin. You kick it old school for a couple seconds until some clown cabbage- patches over you and falls. You quickly get the hell out of there and back to the chick. You find her laughing so hard that she is on the verge of tears.^^ ~Yeah, you know he's legit 'cos he's from the street,~ adds Keegan.^^ ~Omigod,~ she says. ~That was so cool! Look, I've got to go hit another club, but you simply HAVE to call me sometime. Okay? My name is ", (string)lastchix.her_name ,".~ She jots down her number and gives it to you.^^"; } 13:switch (line) {!Chick#13 -- easy 0: SetQuip(13,0,0); SetQuip(13,2,0); SetQuip(13,9,1); SetQuip(13,10,1); print "She laughs at that. She replies with ~Baby, you're all that I want. When you're, like, lying here in my arms. So just hold me now, 'cos our love will light the way.~^^ At that you can only reply, ~Hell yeah. You know that everything I do, I do it for you, right?~^^ Keegan interjects. ~Sorry, sweetheart -- I'm sure you're a nice girl. But I just have to say,~ he turns toward you, ~this is the dumbest fucking conversation I've ever heard come out of your mouth.~^^ ~Come on, man!~ you reply. ~She's all that I want! All that I need! It still feels like the first night together, dammit!~ You wink towards the girl to solidify your stake as the cheeziest dork in a tri-county area. She loves it.^^"; 1: SetQuip(13,1,0);SetQuip(13,2,0); print "She quietly considers this. ~I've heard that guys with dreads can be habit-forming.~^^ ~Damn straight,~ you reply. ~I've created enough bad habits to poorly clothe every single nun on the continent.~ The chick smiles wickedly at that. So far, so good.^^"; 2: SetQuip(13,2,0); SetQuip(13,4,1); SetQuip(13,0,0); print "You motion toward Keegan. ~Dude, I need a quick solid. Take this menu and form a cone with it. Here, let me cut a couple holes and you can hold it in place with a match. Just put it on your head for two seconds and when I wave to you, wave back and come over here.~^^ ~No prob.~ Keegan wears the hat and goes over to the bar.^^ You tap the girl on the shoulder. ~Hi. There's a seer by the bar saying that you'll give handjobs to the really cute guys. Is that true?~^^ She seems confused by this. ~What's a seer?~^^ ~You know. A seer. Magician. Wizard. Fortune-teller. Futurist. Spellcaster. That guy with the hat, see him?~ You wave to Keegan. He does his best impression of a chud and waves back. He's overacting like a complete assjack.^^ She sees him and starts to giggle. ~I can't believe he's saying that! Really? Are you serious?~^^ Keegan walks over from the bar and joins you.^^"; 3: SetQuip(13,3,0); print "~Oh I'm zorked alright,~ she says. ~I am completely and totally drunk.~ You ask her if she's at zork one. She shakes her head. You ask her if she's at zork two. She shakes her head again to indicate the negative. You're about to ask her if she's at zork three when she puts two fingers up to your mouth. ~Honey, I am *beyond* zorked.~^^"; 4:SetQuip(13,0,0); SetQuip(13,1,0); SetQuip(13,2,0); SetQuip(13,3,0); SetQuip(13,4,0); SetQuip(13,5,1); SetQuip(13,6,1); lastchix.kissgood = 1; print "~I know I shouldn't be doing this. But you only live once, and I like guys with dreadlocks. Do you want to go around back of this place for a quick second or two?~ She looks at you expectantly.^^"; 5: SetQuip(13,5,0); SetQuip (13,6,0); SetQuip(13,7,1); SetQuip(13,8,1); lastchix.kissgood = 1; chixtalked = chixtalked + 1; girl.copy(husk, lastchix); print "~You bet,~ you say. ^^ She takes you out one of the doors marked ~EMPLOYEES ONLY~ and curls up next to you. She undoes the button on your cargo pants and puts her hands underneath your boxers. ~All you had to do was ask,~ she purrs. She proceeds to work you within her fingers like a professional. It feels incredible, and no matter what she says, she's obviously experienced at this.^^ You tell her that you feel like you're going to explode. She gets down on her knees and sucks you off for about two seconds before you climax. She holds you in her mouth for a second until you come back down to earth. She spits and gets back up on her legs. ^^ ~Did you enjoy that?~ she asks. You nod your head. ^^ You both come back into the bar. She gives you her number. ~Call me?~ she asks.^^"; 6: SetQuip(13,6,0); SetQuip(13,5,0); print "~Sure,~ she says. ~Get me all worked up!~ She laughs and touches your shoulder.^^"; 7: SetQuip(13,7,0); SetQuip(13,8,0); SetQuip(13,3,1); SetQuip(13,1,1); remove(lastchix); print "~You bet I will. I think you're incredible.~^^ She seems happy with that. ~My name is ", (string)lastchix.her_name ," by the way...~ She goes toward the dance floor where you lose track of her.^^"; 8: SetQuip(13,8,0); SetQuip(13,7,0); remove(lastchix); print "~Probably not, slut.~ That comment kind of sobered her up. ^^ ~You fucking piece of shit! I can't believe you! I give you a gift blowjob for simply looking good and you --~ she starts to get hysterical.^^ You come over to her and kiss her. ~Calm down, doll,~ you reassure her. ~I was kidding. Kidding. Of course I will. Give me your number.~ She says it to you and makes you repeat it. She gives you a kiss on the cheek before leaving.^^ ~Man,~ says Keegan. ~Even *I* think you're an assjack.~^^"; 9: SetQuip(13,9,0); SetQuip(13,4,1); SetQuip(13,10,0); print"She laughs. ~I play the skin flute!~ You consider that kind of corny. ~I am legendary for my prowess at manipulating that delicate, fine instrument.~^^"; 10:SetQuip(13,10,0); SetQuip(13,9,0); SetQuip(13,11,1); lastchix.kissgood=1; print"~All the local ones,~ she says. ~You know, like Tellarium, Whorific Chamber, ScatBag and Beaver.~^^ ~Somebody named their band 'Beaver'?~^^ ~Yes! Don't laugh. Their saxophonist actually looks a bit like your friend here.~^"; 11:SetQuip(13,11,0); SetQuip(13,4,1); print "~Maybe. But you're actually really cool. You should hear the stories about me, you'd be impressed. They are almost legendary, the ones involving boys in clubs, anyway.~^^"; } 14:switch (line) {!Criswell 0: SetQuip(14,0,0); SetQuip(14,2,1); SetQuip(14,3,1); print "Criswell shrugs. ~You know how it is, dude. I think I found a hair color I am truly happy with, bro.~^"; 1: SetQuip(14,1,0); print "~Ah, you will like this. I started a race riot last night.~^^ ~Hey... yeah?~^^ ~Yeah. Get a load of this. I'm over at that greasy Chinese place with my friend Jake who is passing through on his way to the coast. So it's me, him, Donovan and JJ an' we're there eatin' our eggrolls and shit, and these guys came up to us. Jake's all foppish an' shit 'cos he went to private school an' university and all that. This guy comes over and grabs his drink. He's like, 'thanks, bitch' as if we're gonna sit there and take it. Jake's all like 'what the fuck man?' and this other dude smacks him in the back of his head. These guys were dressed up all in black like they were fuckin' ninjas or something.~^^ ~Course, Donovan just starts coughin' like he always does lately. If I rolled that fucker's constitution I'd just switch to 'Boot fuckin' Hill.' So someone's gotta be da man. 'Christ,' sez I. I'm not gonna take that shit from a bunch of Jackie Chans who think they're macho for smashin' blocks of ice with their feet and everythin'. So I come up to one of 'em and draw a fist and clock the motherfucker right between the eyes. I musta broke 'is fuckin' nose in three places. I still got chunks o' dude's septum in Kaitlan's tupperware. Well fuck me, 'cos all of a sudden it was like a damned riot. Tables go everywhere, there's all these woks and collanders and shit flying. The cops are there in like ten seconds. We were all OK, but the last thing I need is some traffic-cop pig writing me up and adding to my distinguished laundry list of 'crimes.' So we book out of there. Didn't even get a fuckin' chance to open up our fortune cookies. But hell. What a man po' to do?~^"; 2: SetQuip(14,2,0); SetQuip(14,3,0); print "~Why do you keep it in those dorky dreads? Don't give me shit about m'hair, dude. Fuck, yo. 'S'only thin' I take any pride in. Well, that an' m'ability to lead you losers to flag football championships.~^^ ~I need the ball more,~ says Pang. ~I fully expect to be seventy-five per cent of the offense this season.~^^ ~Shit, yeah.~ Criswell scratches himself. ~They gonna have flag belts big enough for you this year, tub tub?~^^ You interject. ~You worry about showing up for more than half the games sober this year.~^^ ~My sobriety is never at the point where I can't throw for seven touchdowns. The only way to stop me is to get me thrown out of the game.~^"; 3: SetQuip(14,3,0); SetQuip(14,2,0); print "~You know how that fuckin' mess goes,~ says Criswell. ~Every -- what -- two years I meet someone I like enough to see more than two or three times. An' I tell 'em right from the giddygo how it's gonna end. I told Kaitlan that she would get sick of my slacker ass and throw me out. That was like date three, y'know what I'm sayin' Van?~ You nod. Correctly predicting, to usually astonishing detail, the manner of how a woman breaks up with him is Criswell's hidden talent. ~So, I was apparently supposed to pick her up from the airport or something the other day. You know how that happy crappy goes. Anyway, I was here taking some of that horse tranq that Keegan got me and forgot all about it. She calls me up -- all pissed and whiny -- and starts in on some lecture like I'm a cocker fucking spaniel or something. I may have rolled my eyes or something, but anyway she told me to get lost and started crying or something. Fuck. She was fun, but I think she expects me to, like, call or something. All I'm saying is that it's wholly impossible to have any sort of contact with someone you've been sleeping with after you split.~^^ ~I remain in contact with a girl I met at college,~ says Pang.^^ ~Well, look at you, lumpy. No wonder. If you're fuckin' desperate like Wang here then all bets are off. Dude'll prob'ly still be callin' the chick he took to his junior fuckin' prom when he's sixty.~^"; } 16:switch (line) {!Evil Temptress 0: SetQuip(16,0,0); SetQuip(16,1,1); print "~Far be it from me that I allow you to live the rest of your tortured existence without knowing just by whom you have been destroyed. My name is Lien Chiu, I am the Grand Witch of what your people would describe as 'an ancient, evil occult.' Except of course, you would all find a way to say it by using half a dozen explicatives.~^^ You interject. ~I'm not a native of the Fort. I have nothing but good cheer for you and your crew.~^^ She seems unimpressed. ~Hm. Get your little comments and barbs in now, as after you have become a monstrous slave to my every whim and desire your little acid tongue will be hanging loosely from your pus-infected mouth.~^^ ~How do you -- ~ you are about to ask her how it is that she commands your body when you are cut off.^^ ~For centuries my ancestors have trained their minds and researched the human brain. It is to that end that this backhole, decadent mountain town is perfect for testing.~^^"; 1: SetQuip(16,1,0); SetQuip(16,2,1); SetQuip(16,3,1); cankisslien = 1; print "Lien adjusts her cape before considering the question. ^^ ~You can't see it, can you? You claim to not be a native but already their attitude and general sloth have infected you. This town embodies all the traits my people despise. You are all lazy. Lethargic. You do nothing but consume alcohol, other depressants and stimulants while aspiring nothing more than to get into bed with one another. You are, effectively, bringing the entire human race to a crawl. Your quality of life ensures that you have the means to continue to reproduce like frothing rabbits, while simultaneously none of you are remotely interested in birth control of even the most basic sort. Your decadence disgusts us. My people, my religion, we understand how the majority of the people on this planet do nothing but waste resources and engage in hapless pursuits without merit or cause. Most of the denizens of this Fort can't effectively defend why they get out of bed in the morning.~^^ ~I usually leave the chick's bed long before morning,~ you inform her. ^^ Lien looks into your eyes with a sort of different scope than before. Almost as if you are now registering as a real person on her radar. ~You... Please understand that what I am about to say changes nothing. You will be permanently mentally dominated due to your own weak will. I must confess that I possess a certain smugness in my dogma, however, you are almost at peace, calm, with yours.~^^ ~I really don't think you want to enslave me,~ you say. ~I don't believe that someone as gorgeous as yourself truly has the capacity to ruin me like you say you will.~^^ She lets her guard down for a moment, it seems. She asks you, simply, and with a faint whisper, ~Will you kiss me?~^^"; 2: SetQuip(16,2,0); SetQuip(16,3,0); deadflag = 999; print "She sneers and draws back. ~You really are a pompous heeb, you know that?~ A dark cloud of mist wanders about from the east and she fans it away. She begins to speak in a language you do not understand and you feel your energy and will fade. You fall to the earth, devoid of personality, intelligence and sense of self.^^ Throughout the next hundred years you exist as a shambling, obedient mound, serving only to provide menial labor for your new masters. Your skin begins to rot away, leaving exposed tissue that causes an incredible, constant ache. Every moment is a horror, a terror and you find that they have removed your vocal chords to stop you from groaning in pain. You crave oblivion but it never comes. ^^"; 3: SetQuip(16,3,0); SetQuip(16,2,0); print "^^She appears strangely impressed by that statement. ^^ She slowly comes closer and you notice her close her eyes. Her entire body (which of course, you are able to get a rather enticing view of due to her penchant for being clad in tight leather) tenses during her approach.^^ The wind picks up and soon a black mist enters the area. She approaches you and her lips are almost upon yours. Apparently she had held her breath while drawing close as she relaxes slightly and inhales a great deal of smoke. ^^ She draws back and starts violently coughing. Suddenly, you realize that you have control over your muscles again. "; if (TestScope(gun)) { print "You reach for the glock and drive it straight into her skull while she is retching. She screams and thrashes wildly. ^^ You feel a presence attempt to enter your body, but sense that it fails as the woman dies of massive head trauma. Her blood is splattered about, covering almost everything. You take her book with the intent of contacting the authorities. Before you leave, you take one last look at her corpse. ^^ She really wasn't *that* hot.^^"; <>; } else { print "You jump at her and tackle her. You repeatedly give her elbows to the throat. She attempts to speak in the same type of ancient tongues you'd heard before, so you throw her onto her stomach. Without warning, several knives rip away her flesh, neatly cleaving it into several different sections. She dies without so much as a muffled scream.^^ You come closer and find that her head has been cleanly cut from her body. You pick it up and look it over. You briefly consider taking it home as a trophy. You instead decide to punt the thing. You kick it and time yourself. The bitch's head got you about four and a half seconds of hang time. Major-league talent there, Avandre. ^^"; <>; } } 17:switch (line) {!Bartender 0:print "The bartender nods but you don't think he heard you correctly. He puts together some sort of drink and gives it to you.^^ ~Put it on my tab, huh?~ The bartender nods in agreement.^^"; <>; 1:print "The bartender nods but you don't think he heard you correctly. He puts together some sort of drink and gives it to you.^^ ~Put it on my tab, eh?~ The bartender didn't hear you, but who cares?^^"; <>; 2:print "The bartender goes to work but you'll be damned if he paid any attention to you.^^ ~Put it on my tab, huh?~ The bartender thinks that over for a while and accepts.^^ You now have the drink.^^"; <>; 3:move telephone to bar; SetQuip(17,3,0); print "The bartender puts the phone on the bar. ~Make sure it's local. Don't get cute or you will never get any poon in this bar again.~^^"; } 18: switch (line) {!Casey, the goth girl 1: SetQuip(18,1,0); SetQuip(18,4,1); print "~I'm just trying to get a drink from this freak behind the bar. Been a rough week.~^^"; 2: SetQuip(18,2,0); print "~Thanks. I like your sexy dreadlocked thing going on. Is it tough to maintain?~^^ ~Not really. It stretches out the collars on your t-shirts, but I have the same problem with my shorts and have managed to cope with that too.~ She gives you a puzzled look and then gets what you mean.^^"; 3: SetQuip(18,3,0); print "~Funny. You had a message from the Arena Football League on my machine, actually. They want their awful uniforms back.~^^"; 4: SetQuip(18,4,0); SetQuip(18,5,1); SetQuip(18,6,1); print "~My sister actually left home. She'd been hanging around some guy who claimed he was involved in a church group that was along the lines of 'Up With People.' You can bet that mom and dad were quite happy to find that little Nina had met up with the good crowd because it's obvious that I must be out drinking blood looking like I do. Anyway, you can imagine the hilarity that ensued after we all found out that he basically brainwashed and kidnapped her.~^^ ~Yeah,~ says Keegan. ~Good girls drink milk. Bad girls drink blood.~^^"; 5: SetQuip(18,5,0); print "She smiles at that for a second. ~We never got along while living under the same room but it's strange -- I kinda miss her now.~^^"; 6: SetQuip(18,6,0); SetQuip(18,7,1); SetQuip(18,8,1); SetQuip(18,2,0); SetQuip(18,3,0); print "~Yes. They never used that word, but that's what they were. He left some of their literature around the house. They are apparently a group of people that have bonded together over the fact that the human race is getting itself back where it was when that supposed 'flood' hit.~ She's apparently talking about Noah and his ark. You nod, and indicate that she keep going. ~It's the very definition of people without a life, if you ask me. If you think mankind is headed straight into the toilet then build your boat and don't forget the unicorn this time.~ You give her an odd look over that comment but she ignores it. ~The problem is that they aren't just a bunch of crackpots. They've actually done something, regarding their 'religious' rage.~^^ ~Like what?~ you ask. ^^ The girl looks toward the bar. The bartender is hitting on some blonde who can't be more than 16. Yet she has obviously plastic breasts. Go figure. Resigned to the notion that she won't be getting a drink anytime soon, the girl continues.^^ ~Well, you know what just happened to Vegas, right?~ You nod your head affirmatively. You Know What Happened To Vegas. ~I personally couldn't care less about what happens to some town where the sun shines all the time, but this guy that Nina met would never shut up about it. He would stumble around pronouns, and do so badly. I wasn't under the impression that he was ever involved directly, but the jerk had insider's knowledge. Or at least pretended to.~^^"; 7: SetQuip(18,7,0);SetQuip(18,9,1); SetQuip(18,10,1); SetQuip(18,2,0); SetQuip(18,3,0); print "~With what happened to Vegas, another city needed to become the centerbed of sin and brutality. Do you buy that?~^^ ~Yes.~^^ ~And lately there have been a number of classless businesses that have sprung up in the Fort. You're aware of that, right?~^^ ~Possibly. What kind do you mean?~^^ ~Well, it's now possible to dial a hitman from your phone locally. There is a drive-up prostitution center along College Boulevard that set up shop a couple months ago. I've heard that there are professional grave robbers, necrophilia-fantasy fulfillers and a cockfight arena either already around or planning on coming to town. Individually, no big deal. The state finds out, shuts it down, yadda yadda. However there has been absolutely no legal action taken. It's as if the entire switch-over is encouraged. Oh, I forgot to mention: the old city planner recently took a job on the east coast. Getting a job out there in that field, according to everything I've read, is almost impossible. The cities have tradition and an old-boys network. But the guy who had kept much of the filth out of the Fort for the last twenty years is gone. His job is being filled, currently, by some intern.~^^ ~Yeah, kinda wacky, especially those grave robbers,~ adds Keegan. You give him an elbow to indicate that he knock it off -- it looks like you're doing well with this girl. Time to get sensitive.^^ You give her your best 'concerned' look. ~What do you make of all this?~ She buys it.^^ ~Unofficially, the edict seems to be to officially make the Fort as morally-polluted a city as quickly as possible. If that kind of money can be introduced it would put this town on the map and make everyone who lives here rich, wealthy, and financially secure. The problem -- a problem -- is that there are real psychotics who think that this is their opportunity to strike down the collected minions of excess.~^^ ~I'm Avandre,~ you say, taking her hand and brushing it with a kiss. ~I like you, you're great to talk to and obviously read the same comic books I do.~^^ ~I'm Casey. But I'm not crazy. Not even really that concerned -- I plan on getting out of here ASAP right after graduation. My parents plan on sending me to a state school. Not a chance.~^^"; 8:SetQuip(18,8,0); print "~The Fort has always had it's wild side, but it's getting worse. Getting more violent. Last week a couple of frat boys were out trying to light a couch on fire when they saw a vagrant shamble down the street wearing nothing but rags. They tried lighting him on fire, but in the process one of them got his neck wrung. One of my friends dated a guy at that frat and she said that the drifter put a beating on all of them. Eventually the boys did get the guy's clothes to burn so he ran off, but it didn't make a lot of sense. Most homeless guys are not body builders. And who goes walking around like that? Halloween was a month ago.~^^ ~At least today's collegiate youth have the stick-to-it-ness to finish what they put their minds to.~^^ ~True,~ she says. ~Although, really, the guy that got the fire started is in chemical engineering, so he had an unfair advantage. My friend said that the real tragedy was that they had to douse him in their 120 proof homebrew to get things going and hated to lose it. But that's not the only thing that's weird. Aside from kids disappearing -- like my sister -- there's been at least a 22% increase in general violence over the last three months. Things like barfights, resisting arrest, tailgating, general civic disorder. Either the paper hadn't been doing a great job reporting previously, or the people here are becoming angrier. It's odd, though, because the increase coincides exactly with what happened to Vegas. Also, you can't get any black lipstick locally anymore. But that could just be my problem.~^^"; 9:SetQuip(18,9,0); remove(Casey); print "~You know what? I would, except I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend here in a little bit.~^^ You shrug your shoulders. ~Everyone's got a boyfriend.~^^ She looks at you and you can see she's considering it. Just then the guy comes in. He's wearing a hat approximately five millimeters over his eyes and a greasy-grey shirt covered in mustard stains.^^ ~Let's go, sexy. Now,~ he mutters.^^ ~Bye-bye, Avandre!~ You were about to wish her good luck in finding her sister, but fuq that noize. Who spends that much time talking to you at a complete meat-market of a bar and not work in a boyfriend reference. Nuts to her sister.^^"; 10:SetQuip(18,10,0); remove(Casey); print "~Hm. My boyfriend is supposed to be meeting me here in a couple minutes, actually. I should go freshen up, but it was really nice talking to you. I'm sure I'll see you around again.~ She gives you a wink with that.^^"; } 19: switch (line) {!Holly 0: SetQuip(19,0,0); SetQuip(19,1,0); SetQuip(19,2,0); SetQuip(19,3,0); remove Holly; print "~Van... I miss you. I've been paging you like crazy lately.~^^ ~I know. It comes off rather desperate.~^^ ~Desperate? Really. I didn't think so. I didn't think that's the conclusion you would have come to.~^^ ~Well, what do you expect? We saw each other like every other day for a while there. You and I both know it was great. We have a sort of chemistry. I'll be honest with you, Holl -- I have thought about you a lot since you stopped calling but at the same time things never got to be more than one phone call away. Y'know? I mean, that's all it took. An ounce of pride.~^^ ~Do you want me to apologize?~^^ ~Do you feel it's necessary? Yeah. Yes. I do. I want to hear it from you. I was right about you and I and I want you to tell me that. Tell me everything, go ahead. It's a local call. You wanted to prove that you didn't need any man (or any woman) because you were going to take on the world, your little daughter and you, the two toughest chicks in the Fort. You thought if you could keep my interest and treat me like a brother, your daddy -- who the fuck knows what -- that you were in control and it was all good. You didn't get that I saw you more as just a chick, a quick trophy lay.~^^ ~Van... look, maybe you were right about some of that.~^^ ~Really?~^^ ~Yes. You don't understand. I didn't understand. I saw our friendship as stability. I wasn't looking to get physical with anyone. I thought that is what you wanted and I wasn't going to have time for that. I have to be a full-time mom now.~^^ ~And what you didn't understand or know -- because I never got the chance to tell you -- is that the time I spent with you mattered. Look, I'm a bit of a fuckup. I understand that. I spend most of my time hanging around my friends at the game console or wandering about in graveyards. Obviously I'm immature. But hanging around you and little Brittany mattered. Knowing that you two were dependant on me for a ride or a visit or something... that's what I enjoyed most. Not the 'sexual tension' between you and me. Not all this will-they-or-won't-they drama bullshit. You were fun. You still are. Yeah, you've got some issues but you were never, ever boring. How many people can you really say that about?~^^ ~I think we need to get together and talk about all this.~^^ ~Yeah. Me too. Look... let me give you a call when I get out of here. I'm at the Mick. It'll be late.~^^ ~I'll be up.~^^ ~Good. Because you're not getting off the hook about that page.~^^ ~Um, well -- I~^^ ~Save it. I'll call you.~^^ You hang up the phone without saying thanks to the bartender.^^"; ! Oh... seeing how people weren't "forced" to play version 2.0, as they kind of were in the comp (you know what I mean) I got much ! more raw for this scene. With power (people playing all the comp games no matter what) comes responsibility (not going on like a ! crazed XXX movie director. After the comp, though, you're on your own. 1: SetQuip(19,0,0); SetQuip(19,1,0); SetQuip(19,2,0); SetQuip(19,3,0); remove Holly; print "~Yes... I had to get your attention.~^^ ~Saying that you want to suck me off definitely did that.~^^ ~Van... I miss hearing from you. I made a mistake by not calling anymore. I want to make it all up to you tonight.~^^ You don't say anything and decide to see how this ride ends.^^ ~Van, I want you. I can admit that now. I want to suck your cock. I want it in my mouth and I want to lick it like a lollypop. I want you to take your hands and put them around my head and totally use me as your own personal, cocksucking whore. Do you understand? I want you to come over to my house tonight. I want you to throw me down on the floor and rip off my clothes. I remember the way you used to look at my legs and my tits. You would always steal those little glances and think I couldn't notice. I know you want my body, Van. I know it.~ Holly brought up some sort of chain to the phone and dangled it against the receiver for a couple of seconds. ~Do you hear this? I want you to put this collar around my neck and enslave me. I'm not kidding, Van. I'm not teasing. I will totally be your slut tonight. I will suck you off, all your friends -- any dick you put in front of me I will blow until it explodes all over my face and chin if that pleases you, Van. Whatever you want. I am not going to lose you like I did, I am done making mistakes. When you are here, and my hands are around your huge cock and my lips are circled around it I want you to make me choke on it. CHOKE on it. I want to take you so far into my throat that I feel absolutely nothing else. This will be the greatest night of your life and I want to be absolutely drenched in your orgasm. I want it on my tits, I want it in my hair, I want it all over my face. I will lick off every single fucking drop if that's what makes you happy. Or I will let you photograph me with you all over my body. I am your fucking toy tonight, Avandre. I will bark like a bitch. I will purr like a kitten. I will suck you down like a your personal, fantasy slut. Please, Van... please come over tonight.~^^ Hell. ^^ ~Look... I'll be over. Let me go meet up with Keegan.~^^ ~Do you want me to -- ~^^ ~No! I mean, no. That's generous of you, but I'm starring in this three-ring circus tonight, doll. Wait up.~^^ ~Yes, master. I will -- ~^^ You hang up the phone right there before you make a mess.^^"; 2: SetQuip(19,0,0); SetQuip(19,1,0); SetQuip(19,2,0); SetQuip(19,3,0); remove Holly; print "~But -- ~^^ ~You don't get it, do you?~ Holly paging you like that really pissed you off. ~I'm done with you teasing me like your own doll or something. When you stopped calling, well, I stopped calling too. It takes two people for shit like that to go down. I'm real sorry that your old boyfriend raped you and now you have a baby. I'm real sorry that she's an absolute little terror child. I'm real sorry that you had to grow up years before me. But FUCK. I did everything I could to be your friend -- and possibly more -- and what the fuck did you do with it? Tried to make me into some sort of contest. 'How long can I put off sleeping with Avandre? How much can he take?' Girl, I was into you because you had personality. Opinions. I'm not sixteen. I'm twenty-freaking-two and after porking any cute thang on two legs for six years I want someone -- want to be around someone -- that gives me those rosy little conversations you normally only see in movies. I want to be around someone who matters. You were that girl. That woman, whatever. You're not anymore.~^^ You hear her crying. You made Holly cry. You'd spent the occasional night wondering if it was going to end badly like this. ^^ Click.^^"; 3: SetQuip(19,0,0); SetQuip(19,1,0); SetQuip(19,2,0); SetQuip(19,3,0); remove Holly; print "~I'm so glad you called me back. I'd been trying to reach you. I thought you'd changed the number.~^^ ~If I ever do, it won't be because of you. It will be because I get solicited by more dudes than a tripled-titted slut.~^^ ~What?~^^ ~Keegan put my pager number in a bunch of porno books...~^^ ~Why?~^^ ~How in fuck would I know? This is the same kid that tried to run his car through a cemetery fence once. He's quite fuct in the head.~^^ ~If you come over tonight I'll give you a blowjob.~^^ ~Making up for lost time, huh doll?~^^ ~Is that what'll take for you to come by? Me to go down on you? That's what you want, isn't it? I mean, you were always so obsessed about it.~^^ ~Me? Don't make me out as the depraved one. You remember the 'choke-me' conversation? I can't believe you had the unmitigated gall to sit there, in bikini underwear, after we drank half a bottle of wine and perused The Naked Channel for a half-hour and tell me that you enjoyed it when guys threw you around like a rag doll during sex.~^^ ~What did you want to do when I told you that?~^^ ~I wanted to bounce you off your walls and fuck you for the rest of the night.~^^ ~Why didn't you?~^^ ~Why do you think? You were my friend back then. We were still under the official illusion that we were going to be best of pals. Of course, by me not being a complete assjack you had no interest.~^^ ~I have a baby, Avandre... I can't be all loose. I need to think of her.~^^ ~Look, I'm not criticizing the decisions you made. Not at all. I'm simply saying that you had your chance for real happiness with me and you chose fake friendship. Then you no longer even wanted that.~^^ ~You don't even want to know why. Do you?~^^ ~Does it matter? No, really. Does it? What mattered was that you could throw me out of your life. I need to know your reasons for that like I need to know your reasons for douching.~^^ ~I don't want to have this conversation -- ~ You were about to cut her off, but she anticipated it. ~You don't want to have it *over the phone*. Look. I'm a little drunk. I'm a little depressed. You always know how to make me laugh. I want you to visit me and I want to go down on you. That wasn't a lie.~^^ ~Look, regardless of what I want I can't make it right now. I'm out with Keegan.~^^ ~Will you drop by later?~^^ ~Honestly? I'll try. I don't know for certain. I won't lie to you.~^^ ~OK.~^^ ~Look, I'll try my hardest to be there. You still matter. You should know that. I'll see you later, OK?~^^ ~Okay.~^^ You hang up the phone. The bartender gives you a strange look. You look at him, essentially asking 'what's up?' without saying a word. He says only, ~The Naked Channel?!?~^^"; } } ]; [ LoadBreakRoomSub; ! Take care of Shayne SetQuip(2,0,0); SetQuip(2,1,0); SetQuip(2,2,0); ! Delete his bar quips SetQuip(2,3,1); move lastshayne to Cemetery2; ! Take care of Criswell lastcriswell=criswell.create(); if(lastcriswell~=0) move lastcriswell to BreakRoom; ! Take care of Pang SetQuip(1,0,0); SetQuip(1,1,0); SetQuip(1,2,0); SetQuip(1,3,1); if (lastpang in Bathroom) { move lastpang to BreakRoom; } else lastpang=pang.create(); if(lastpang~=0) move lastpang to BreakRoom; ! Take care of Keegan SetQuip(0,0,0); SetQuip(0,1,0); SetQuip(0,2,0); SetQuip(0,3,0); SetQuip(0,5,0); SetQuip(0,8,1); SetQuip(0,9,1); SetQuip(0,12,0); give Keegan1 ~scenery; ! There shouldn't be an event zero. switch (NightEvent) { 0: print "THERE WAS A BUG!!"; 1: SleepMsg2(); print "^^ You awake the next day and stumble into work.^^"; PlayerTo(BreakRoom); 2: NoSpeak(); SleepMsg2(); print "^^ You awake the next day and stumble into work.^^"; PlayerTo(BreakRoom); 3: YesSpeak(); SleepMsg(); print "^^ You awake the next day and stumble into work.^^"; move lastpang to BreakRoom; PlayerTo(BreakRoom); 4: YesSpeak(); SleepMsg(); print "^^ You awake the next morning and stumble into work.^^"; PlayerTo(BreakRoom); } Gamechapter = 2; ]; [ NoScoreSub; print "CHICKS DIG JERKS does not use a scoring system."; ]; [ Initialise ; location = Bar; move Keegan1 to Bar; ChangePlayer(Avandre); move pager to player; ! move telephone to Bar; husk=girl.create(); lastshayne=shayne.create(); if(lastshayne~=0) move lastshayne to Bathroom; move Hoss to Bathroom; lastlien = lien.create(); move lastlien to Shadowy_Sculpture; hint_menu=hm; ! Set up our menu to work with hint.h's built-in grammar !The basic idea is that each NPC is given a number. Available quips are set thusly: !SetQuip([NPC's #],[quip #],[1=on 0=off]); and you can see whether a quip is on using QuipOn([NPC's #],[quip #]);. SetQuip(0,0,1); SetQuip(0,1,1); SetQuip(0,2,1); SetQuip(0,3,1); SetQuip(1,0,1); SetQuip(1,1,1); SetQuip(1,2,1); SetQuip(2,0,0); SetQuip(2,1,0); SetQuip(2,2,0); SetQuip(2,3,0); SetQuip(5,0,1); SetQuip(5,1,1); SetQuip(5,2,1); SetQuip(5,3,1); SetQuip(6,0,1); SetQuip(6,1,1); SetQuip(6,2,1); SetQuip(6,3,1); SetQuip(7,0,1); SetQuip(7,1,1); SetQuip(7,2,1); SetQuip(7,3,1); SetQuip(8,0,1); SetQuip(8,1,1); SetQuip(8,2,1); SetQuip(8,3,1); SetQuip(9,0,1); SetQuip(9,1,1); SetQuip(9,2,1); SetQuip(9,3,1); SetQuip(10,0,1); SetQuip(10,1,1); SetQuip(10,2,1); SetQuip(10,3,1); SetQuip(11,0,1); SetQuip(11,1,1); SetQuip(11,2,1); SetQuip(11,3,1); SetQuip(12,0,1); SetQuip(12,1,1); SetQuip(12,2,1); SetQuip(12,3,1); SetQuip(13,0,1); SetQuip(13,1,1); SetQuip(13,2,1); SetQuip(13,3,1); SetQuip(14,0,1); SetQuip(14,1,1); SetQuip(16,0,1); SetQuip(17,0,1); SetQuip(17,1,1); SetQuip(17,2,1); SetQuip(18,1,1); SetQuip(18,2,1); SetQuip(18,3,1); TitlePage(); "^It's Thursday night and you're at Mick's Unwashed Outback Tavern. All the girls you couldn't nail while wasting away at military school are out looking to meet interesting chaps like yourself and your compatriots. The 'Mick is kind of a meat-market (meaning that predators of both gender and varying sexual preference skulk about attempting to discern potential companionship for an evening... and the prey have no illusions about that). Your friends and co-workers Keegan and Pang have joined you. They're great guys to go bar-hopping with: Pang left to use the lavatory an eternity ago while Keegan just bolted to hit on a girl. They do, however, always have your back and allow you to be a complete assjack when you party together. You definitely lucked out in getting to know them as most of the people you meet at work are a bunch of stiffs. Tonight there really does seem to be an inordinate amount of sexy knock-outs to chat up. Pump it up, Avandre, and try not to bring your boys down!^^"; ]; Include "Grammar"; Extend "score" replace * -> Noscore; Extend "steal" * noun "from" animate -> steal; Extend "buy" * 'beer' -> GetDrink2 * 'drink' -> GetDrink2 * 'shot' -> GetDrink2 * 'a' 'drink' -> GetDrink2 * 'a' 'beer' -> GetDrink2 * 'mug' 'of' 'beer' -> GetDrink2 * 'glass' 'of' 'beer' -> GetDrink2 * 'a' 'shot' -> GetDrink2 * 'some' 'beers' -> GetDrink2 * 'some' 'drinks' -> GetDrink2 * 'a' 'lager' -> GetDrink2; Extend "dance" * 'with' noun -> dance; Extend "jump" * 'fence' -> FenceJump * 'gate' -> FenceJump * 'over' 'fence' -> FenceJump * 'the' 'fence' -> FenceJump * 'over' 'the' 'fence' -> FenceJump * 'over' 'gate' -> FenceJump * 'the' 'gate' -> FenceJump * 'over' 'the' 'gate' -> FenceJump * 'the' 'wall' -> FenceJump * 'over' 'wall' -> FenceJump * 'over' 'the' 'wall' -> FenceJump * 'over' 'the' 'cemetery' -> FenceJump * 'into' 'graveyard' -> FenceJump * 'into cemetery' -> FenceJump * 'on' noun -> vault * 'over' noun -> vault; Extend "order" * 'beer' -> GetDrink2 * 'drink' -> GetDrink2 * 'shot' -> GetDrink2 * 'a' 'drink' -> GetDrink2 * 'a' 'beer' -> GetDrink2 * 'mug' 'of' 'beer' -> GetDrink2 * 'glass' 'of' 'beer' -> GetDrink2 * 'a' 'shot' -> GetDrink2; Extend only "take" * noun "from" animate -> steal; Verb 'talk' 'speak' 't' * 'to' creature -> Talk * creature -> Talk; Verb "who" * 'am' scope=Topic -> Query; ! Well... there you have it. That's pretty much it. Avandre and Keegan will return in ART OF HEARTBREAK during the winter of '01. ! Thanks to everyone who's given me comments on it -- whether I agreed with you or not, it was appreciated. I do promise that my ! future games will be seriously beta-tested and I hope that the people on raif come to expect, if nothing else, to be entertained ! for a few hours by one of my games. That's really what it's all about, and that's the effect I'm pulling for. ! Bye-bye. Grampa loves you. ! Robb Sherwin, May 19th, 2000 ! ! Chicks Dig Jerks: ftp://ftp.gmd.de/if-archive/games/zcode/chix.z5 (version 2.0) ! Knight Orc Home Page: www.joltcountry.com ! Reviews From Trotting Krips: ifiction.tsx.org